A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i am desperately in need of help and advice, i am married have been for 4 yrs been with the man in question about 14 we have 4 children together, but our relatinship has never really run smoothly , he is jealous sometimes possevive argumentative, he shouts and awful lot and can say some really nasty things, i dont think i love him any more, but i put up with it cos its far easier than walking away. My problem is there is this guy, he is a friend of both my husband and i, he is kind sweet funny and i think i have a huge a mout of feelings for him , i think about him most days and worry when he is ill (he has severe arthritus) we talk most days although i have never told anyone how i feel, my friends think that he likes me but i dont wanna risk losing a real friend if i say anything, now my relationship with my husband is somewhat difficult but i usually still allow him to have sex (i feel as his wife it wud be unfair not to) normally i dont bat and eye lid about the sex but the last couple of times i feel dirty and disgusted with myself, but i do care for my husband regardless of how awful he can be, he has after all given me 4 lovely kids but i am worrying i am being unfair to him to pretend how things are right now (i think he knows i like our friend) i think he probably deserves a lot better, so my question is do you think that i am making a huge mistake carrying this on or do you think maybe its for the best? i am 31 he is 33.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I m in the same place you are and know exactly how you feel . i have the same feeling when it comes to sex and its making matters worse now. I feel its got nothing to do with feeling you share for your friend.but it does not appeare like that anyway . Have to get things straightened out with the husband first and everything hopefully should get better
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): HI, ask him to try the things again, tell him, you need him to keep the promises he made when you got married. If he will not do as you ask, then it is time for you to decide if it is time to walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi my husband and i have had relationship counselling and he been given medicine from the drs and offered therpy , which he will except keep going for two weeks then stop all of the above, he doesnt think he has a problem ,he thinks it is exceptable to shout and call me names , and if your wondering y i married him , it was cos he had promised that he would get real help after i am still waiting but the whole thing is begining to effect our 12 yrs old ,
i do understand what ur are saying about the other guy, and in relation i wont do anything about how i feel. thanks for your advice though
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): You should talk to you husband tell him how is making you feel with his behaviour, and work on your marriage together. As for sex, I can't imagine it is going to be with anyone if you 'allow' him to have sex, you need to want to.
I think that you guy friend is just confusing matters. I bet you see him as all the things you husband is not, but you haven't had children with him, you haven't lived with him day in day out, so really you don't know what he is like.
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