A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 years old, and my boyfriend and I have recently broken up due to the fact that from the day we started dating, he was cheating on me with LOTS of men!I knew that he was bisexual from day one so the men didn't shock me, it was the fact that he lied to me over and over and said "no" when I asked him if he wanted to be with other men. I mean he's 31 years old and he doesn't know what he wants yet?! One night when I was coming out of the bathroom, I glanced over his shoulder and saw that he had an adam4adam account up in a sidetab. His explanation was, "I talk to my friends on here." Why the hell would anyone just have "friends" on adam4adam?! That didn't sit right with me. So that night I decided to guess his password for his adam4adam account and then I figured out his password to his gmail and there were endless emails from men and one woman about raunchy quick sex.Reading this, I figured out that he lied to me about when he was coming home, what he was doing, and who he was with.First I was hurt...then it pissed me off! I confronted him about it, broke up with him that night, and moved out the next day. I also trashed his apartment, peed in his shampoo, turned the heat up to 90 degrees (may, fl. weather), broke his cologne, took some things of his, hid the remotes, poured hot cottage cheese in his bed, mouthwash in his boots,and took all of the food out of the house except for a jar of relish.Now I'm back at my place, still bitter and upset about the situation. I understand I've taken it waaaay too far, but he really hurt me. He's also put my life in danger with sleeping around. I feel like this doesn't even faze him because he's been on a4a for the past few days, and going out every night. I'm upset about the fact that he cheated, but bitter and angry that he doesn't seem to care or want to give me an explanation. I feel like we still have unfinished business because he never gave me an explanation why he was doing this the whole time and lying. I need closure and I'm not sure whether to pursue this further, keep lashing out at him, or to let it go....please help :[[[
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for answering my question agony aunts, and uncle :dWith your advice, I've decided that moving on with my life and not looking back would honestly be the best thing to do.My ex is not calling me or texting me with endless apologies. Its clear he doesn't care, so why should I?I'm thinking maybe he has a sex addiction because there were messages from a4a, craigslist, Eharmony, bears.com, and Plenty of Fish dating back before our relationship. Or maybe he's just looking to fill a void in his life? Who knows?But I can't sit here and keep thinking about someone who wasn't even man enough to tell me the truth after asking dozens of times. I'm still young so its a definately a lesson learned.I'm returning his things this Friday and having my name taken off of the lease as well so I can be done with this.Joining a gym is next on my agenda. I can occupy my free time and if I happen to run into him in a few months he'll be the one feeling sorry!!!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 May 2010):
You have got to let him go NOW. You're putting yourself in a lot of danger here by hassling him, because he will call the police, or worse a mental hospital and you'll end up with a court conviction for stalking him. I have to tell you how it is, because if I don't you'll continue until you get arrested. I'm sorry, but he doesn't care and never did. It's clear he didn't. And there is no unfinished business. You have nothing left to ask, and nothing to find out. There is nothing. This guy who has cheated repeatedly is never going to give you an answer. And even if he did, you'd still have another question. You don't need closure. You already have it. He's a cheat, that's it. That's your closure. There's nothing else to it. Now, you've had your spree, and so far nothing has come of it. STOP NOW, or you'll end up in court with a mental health record.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Please do NOT keep lashing out at him. You have been lucky that he did not call the police, or an ambulance from the nearest psychiatric ward.Don't push your luck.
He never gave you an explanation but the whole business is pretty self-explanatory. He did those things because he wanted to. He is bisexual- he has sexual desires both for men and women. He never told you that he had these urges, because obviously you were not gonna be pleased about it,and you were going either to try and stop him,or to dump him at once.
He just wanted to have his cake and eat it too, and it's no
different from what any cheater does - heterosexual or not.
Rescuer, I object to the use of "twat " as a derogatory epithet- if we have to call him names, why don't we call him "an immature prick " LOL
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