A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Letter to Girlfriend My gf and I have recently split, it was her decision.We never argued, always got on really well, we clicked... But we fell pregnant after 4 months and she decided it was best to terminate, and since the initial pregnancy shock, we have struggled.I had by this time fallen for her big time, and told her this, she was a little unsure of her feelings, understandably. We made it to the 7 month then all cracks were visible, We spoke about ways to resolve the situation and add some spark, but by this time we were stuck in a rut...She asked for some space, then after a few days asked me to stay over, we fell apart on that night due to our awkwardness of the situation.She hasn't spoken to me in a few days, nothing since that night.I really love this girl and I know it takes 2 to love, i know she cares.When we had the termination, I lost my job the same week, which hasnt helped.I just want to try harder to get her back, I am refraining from texting, i sent a couple the 1st day, nothing since. She hasnt replied. So I have written a letter, saying that I understand.I have copied this below...So my prblem is this: Should I pursue this girl who has been cold with her feelings for the last few months. And should I send the letter below...I hope you take the time to read this letter, and give it the consideration its trying to portray.I really do understand and knew that this would happen, as something had to give. When you asked for some space and then agreed to try again, I really thought we could have turned the corner, but I feel you treated me like I had done something wrong and never gave the chance. It all got a tad difficult when we got pregnant, you started to go inside yourself and wouldn't talk, which I can completely understand.I asked you on numerous occassions if you were ok and happy and you responded yes, you were a little unsure of your feelings but you were happy. Then we decided to go on holiday together, but we did this without talking about the pregnancy and it hung over us like a bad smell and killed our holiday, as not one of us knew where we stood. You advised on holiday that you hadn't found the feeling of love for me, to be truthful i can see why, your head was understandably up your ass. So we came back from holiday and decided the termination was for the best, which it was and still is. We had the termination and I believe I was really there for you, I stood by you and we came through it together. I then lost my job and leant on you for support which you gave, so to give this up now seems crazy. Sure we lost the spark, which we did have, as at the start, you were never away from my flat and we spent most days together. We failed in the intamacy stakes a tad, but no bloody wonder we never really had a clean run to progress. To say you didnt have feelings for me can't be true as I know you have, not every relationship is founded on love from the start sometimes you do have to work at it, i believe after you got pregnant you gave up. Because you did admit that you had the butterfly tummy before this. We have come through so much in the last few months it has to have an effect on us, we are only human. But the worst is now over as lets be honest what else could have happened to us. I dont want to throw this away just when the pressure of the last year is fading.I really do believe that we have shown each other enough that we care and can work through problems, I shouldn't have leant on you as much when I lost my job, it probably came across as a tad needy, I'm sorry for this.I start work this week and will be earning again, so the pressure was coming off. I want things to go back to how they were before the pregnancy this much is apparent.Everybody wants to be loved and you and me are no different, I wanted to show you how much I loved you but didnt want to make you feel awkward as I knew your head was all over the place. Having no money and no job really did effect our relationship as we needed a clean run after the termination to allow us to get back on track, we didnt get this. All i'm asking for is the chance to prove we can recover as I said we never did anything bad or abusive to each other and we showed we care by standing by each other when it mattered.So please just stand by us now, to give up now is criminal, xmas is on its way, I was really looking forward to the festivities with you and your daughter as its a happy time and it would have been a nice way to finish this shit run of luck. I do love and understand you and I have learnt this past week just how much, I know you care just your feeling have got lost over the last few months.I have walked away from too many relationships to know when one is worth fighting for and i know this one is, we have had a shit run of luck but thats all it is, some relationships never have half the shit to deal with like we had, but we have delt with it. To be truthfull i know this letter is a shot in the dark and I hope it comes across as sincere and not sad..lol.. I'm not going to finish by proclaiming my undying love for you as that is sad, I just want you to know that I care and you tick all my boxes, true love is a myth all we can really hope for in this life is happiness and someone special to share this with, love is only a word. I would normally just agree with you and walk away, i'm not into prolonging my own pain, I would like the chance please to prove we can work and work well. We get on so well, and not just with each other but with our kids too, we make each other laugh and we care for each other, thats a great start for me. I know what you are looking for and truly believe I offer it. I'm honest, loving, funny, I'm not a drinker, i dont gamble and I am completely loyal, i have always been a passionate and romantic person, let me show you how much. You to are funny, loving and utterly gorgeous to me in everyway, i love the way you laugh and do those silly dances and the way you get the hiccups every day. If you have found someone else, which i dont think you have, you should just be honest with me. I really dont think you were just leading me on as thats just cruel. I'm so sorry for the way I reacted on the Friday, i was just gutted. So before you close down completely to me, please have a think about what I have written if its un-true, then fine walk away, if you believe it to be pretty acurate, then please reconsider and give us the go we deserve. You make me very happy and I know I make you happy, just things got messed up a little and we lost our way. I haven't written a letter like this before so I hope it comes across the correct way.If you can read all this with the intent i'm trying to put across if not, i apologise, i mean no malice or ill feeling.There are couples out there that get back together after doing worse things to each other, the only bad thing we did was not talk.So lets talk and act positively rather than take the easy route and move on. I truly do care and would never hurt you, and if we can get past this, I would never let you down.Sorry for the novel.. but i feel strongly. I dont want to text or call to chase you away, sorry if I have.
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get back together, money, move on, on holiday, spark, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (13 November 2009):
if you really believe that her love for u was genuine, than jus wait and she will come back. love always prevails is NOT just a saying. space is important right now.this is HER time 2 decide what she needs in her life, you shouldnt intrude...just yet
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Hi,
Thanks for the replies, she shows no signs of guilt with regards the termination, in fact I would say she is happy about it.
I am a father from another relationship and she has a kid the same age as me.
I have tried to let her know kindly to go to the doctors to make sure all is ok, as she hasn't spoken or seen a doctor since the termination.
She has just gone cold over the last couple of months.
Its hard for me to sit back and watch this..
But I believe she is willing to finish us just so she doesnt have to be reminded about it..
We were ok when I was working and earning money, i just hope she isnt using me, and now I'm broke, i have no use...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 November 2009):
I think it's best to give her space at the moment and not contact her. If she cares, she really will come back. She needs space and hasn't contacted so far, so don't send the letter. The termination may have really affected her more than she thought, and then the loss of your job hit her more. I know you're desperate to talk to her and such, but any contact when she has said she needs space will chase her away.
Give her time and space.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): You are sweet and i really emphasize with you. I think you should wait a while before sending the letter, a week or so, then read it again and if you feel like sending it, send it. For now, i would just send a last text, saying something like "I understand you need some time, but i just want you to know that i love you with all my heart, and im here for you".
Im sure she rationally understands that what happened is not your fault, of course its not. But unconsciously, she might be blaming you, as much as she may be blaming herself, just as a way to protect herself from the conflict that must be going on in her mind. For a man its like "im sorry i didnt want to do this, but is the best thing to do, lets move on", but not for a woman. Its hard for you to understand what this kind of thing can do to a woman, you were never a father, but she has been a mum, it was real for her body, her hormones, all that. So now, her head must be a mess. She must be in agony with her rational side saying "it was just a bunch of cell, we made the right decision" and her biological side saying "you lost a part of you". And a self-protection reaction of trying to find someone or something to blame, when there isn't.
Just try to be understanding, without pressuring her.
I wish you both the best
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