A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know I have a huge anger problem. I have had this problem since I was little. I know the cause of the problem; I just don’t know how to plan for a positive outcome. I know that a lot of my problem comes from early childhood when my mother and I were inseparable. My mother spoiled me and never really disciplined me, which I believe led up to where I am today. I have talked with my doctor and she put me on Prozac in August of last year. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY, although there’s a little bit of this monster still left inside me and it only comes out when I’m around my fiancé. We have been together for about 4+ years (off and on) when we first got together, everything was GREAT, but just like any relationship when the “warm” “fuzzy” feeling begins to decrease, things start to fall apart. My fiancé has a HUGE issue with “sex” If for any reason I don’t feel like having sex every single day, he gets very testy. And eventually he goes to get it elsewhere. He used to cheat on me every other week, twice a month I would spend the weekend with him and twice a month he would spend the weekend with his ex-girlfriend. We would also get in horrible physical fights, I’ve been thrown through a door, through a wall, onto concrete, dragged up two flights of stairs by my hair and then had my head slammed into a glass coffee table in front of a bunch of his friends. To make things worse, when the cops show up, he runs and hides in the bushes and lets me take the rap for everything. I knew where he was but I didn’t have the heart to tell on him. Eventually, I left. I was away with no contact for 6 months. For some reason I decided to contact him, he cried to me telling me how much he loved me and how much he wanted me to be in his life. He started going to counseling through his church and eventually I gave in. I came back in October 2008 and I have been here with him ever since. I recently had a miscarriage which has also put a burden on us because of the “no sex” issue. I try to stay calm, but I can only seem to control it when I'm with my friends or with my family. For some reason, I just can’t get past the resentment part. I'm sure that this is the reason why I am still so angry with him I just don’t know how to justify that resentment. Can you help me justify this resentment for the man I love? or should I just cut ties forever?
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female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 You have taken more abuse, mistreatment and CRAP from this man than anybody should have to. NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, SHOULD YOU BE REQUIRED TO TAKE ABUSE OF ANY KIND. I can't emphasize that enough. I agree with the other aunts when I say you need to leave this guy. With everything you're going through, you don't need any of this.
Your anger and resentment is justified. Leaving him would be justified. You need to put yourself first, and allow your body and your soul to heal. We love you here at DC, and if you ever need to talk to someone privately, all of us are available by PM.
masq
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Your anger is justified! You are not clinically depressed, you have ample reasons for you depression and anger! The reason your anger comes out around you "fiance" and no one else is because You Are directing it towards the proper target!!! He is abusive! It is not likely that he will change! You started your post by saying YOU have a huge anger problem, but then go on to tell us about HIS anger! The things he has done to you, I have also had done to me (and more!)
I promise your anger and resentment will go away if you get away from him! I understand completely, why, after 6 months you contacted him and got back together. Because being away from him, caused your anger to subside. You began thinking of the good times, and you missed the guy you fell in love with. Does that sound familiar? I know, I went back five times before finally leaving for good.
We had a very strong connection, and I can honestly say there will always be a place in my heart just for him (as sick as that sounds) But I knew he wouldn't change and I was not will to give up more of my life than the 16 years I already had! Ten years ago, a counseler told me that statistics show the an abused when returns to her abuser an average of 7 times before leaving for good, or dying at the hands of her abuser! As the years went on and I got closer to those numbers, I realized I could become a statistic (one of the dead ones) I knew one day he would actually kill me, whether intentional or accidently! I wasn't will to take the risk any longer. I left! It took me a year and a half to regain confidence, self-esteem and serenity he had taken from me! I feel like an normal human being again and I am so grateful that I cared enough about myself to take the steps I did!
Please learn from my experience!
I am so sorry about your miscarriage...it is obvious he is a selfish, self-centered bastard to think about sex when you are going through what you are! I may not know this guy personally but believe me...I know his kind all too well! Be careful! See a counselor and take care of yourself!
Britt
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A
female
reader, shaashiie +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Well, I think you should just leave him, cut ties like you said. Of course you're going to resent a man that cheats on you twice a week and physically abuses you!! That's not your fault, that's his! That's absolutely riduculous that just because you wouldn't have sex EVERY day he cheated on you.
It's extremely easy to justify your resentment, he's abused you and hurt you over and over again and I know deep down you already know this. Please leave this man, I bet you will feel 1000x better. You won't feel better right away but eventually you will feel amazing (hopefully) as long as you don't get yourself into a situation with another man who does the same things. Surround yourself with anyone who loves you and cares about you and will help you through the rough times. He should be taking care of you after a miscarriage, not causing problems because you can't or aren't emotionally able to have sex with him!
We're always here for you on this website also, babe please leave him. Do it for yourself!
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A
male
reader, artian  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 hey, sounds like a pretty messy time you have had.
I would simply ask myself do I need to put up with this stuff?
Does he love you? Or just fixated to you?
For me, Love = Intimacy, Passion, and commitment.
Is it mutual?
I think by putting up with so much torment that has turned into the resentment.
If someone causes you pain consistently and this out weight the good times and good feelings it is almost certain to cause resentment.
If you continue the situation then you will probably keep yourself in the same place with your feelings.
Obviously, you need to spend plenty of time with your friends and family if you feel better with them.
So, I would say keep your nose to the feel good trail and avoid the things (people) you know cause you pain.
I think if you do that the cause of resentment will be avoided and left behind and fade into the distance.
hope this helps.
Take it easy.
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