A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:Hi everyone,Ok I have a boyfriend who is almost 26 years old, we've been together for 1 and 1/2years. For half this time though he has been emotionally abusive but tries to disguise it as "joking" comments. He orders me what to do, says we are moving across the continent when we finish school whether I'm coming or not, and that I'm not allowed to have kids when we're older because he doesn't want them. He likes to wrestle and gets carried away sometimes with slapping, and pinching to a point it hurts. He also does this BABY-TALK bit, where he quite literally talks like a baby, pretends to cry like one and has little temper tantrums when I say or do something he doesn't like. And I have talked to him I swear A MILLION times about it. I have told him that his emotional and physical behaviour is not appropriate and that if he keeps up with it he's going to lose me. He then comes back with a smart-a** comment of "Oh yeah what are you gonna do? Leave me? I'll just find someone else then, it's not hard" as if he's challenging me to do it. We had broke up once in the past and he started dating someone 1 week later and he knows that hurt me more than the breakup.We had a serious talk last week in that he acknowledged that yes he knew it annoyed me and he would work on it as long as I worked on my sex issues (ie. not wanting to do it as often as he does). So I said deal. He was nice for 3 days and it's started again. I questioned him about it and he was like "I lied, and you're not ever gonna leave me so..."He is driving me crazy! I've got no self-confidence left from his putdowns over the past months, which is my issue in taking the initiative to leave. He's my first serious boyfriend and I've never loved anyone else and really don't know how I can get over it. The first time we broke up years ago we were apart for 1 year and I didn't get over it and sunk pretty deep into depression. I don't know how to get the courage to tell him I can't do it anymore, and after that part...I don't know how to deal with not having someone. I think sometimes I am more afraid of being alone and not being able to handle what it's like to not have someone. I was so miserable when I was single last time...I just dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I'm in exactly the same position right now aswell, and I'm still trying to find the courage to leave him, and get the self confidence to do so.He won't change, I've tried and tried to talk to my boyfriend and nothing happens. It's all about control, he knows he can say these things because he knows how emotionally vunerable you are.The whole 'Oh yeah what are you gonna do? Leave me? I'll just find someone else then, it's not hard"' and baby talk voice, I'm getting exactly the same thing :(Stay strong hunny.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 He's a prick, why haven't you packed your stuff up already? What is holding you back?
Fear of being single? Fear of not feeling loved?
He doesn't seem to respect you one bit.
IF you did leave him, do you have a place to go? Do you have a job? Can you support yourself?
YOU can not cure him with love, honey. And you know it. You can talk to him all you want but He is not going to stop what he is doing, you do know that? It will either escalate or continue.
I suggest you talk to your doctor about the depression - depression don't usually just go away. You might want to try and get some help. It could be hormonal it could be a sign of other things. (The lack of libido can be hormonal as well).
Don't be his door mat. Live life! Be happy! Do something that will make you happy. He sure don't.
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