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Should I continue to give her support? Or is she using me? Should I distance myself from her?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2012)
A male India age 51-59, *esume04 writes:

Hi there,

I m male 42, married. Couple of years back, we came across a divorcee (46, self employed) and now she is good friend of us. We used to visit her home once a week for drinks or just chat, go movie / restaurant together once a month.

She had a boy friend which was the main reason for her divorce. Unfortunately, her relations with BF also broke up and she is alone since last couple of years, living with her only son (25).

Slowly somehow, I was attracted towards her as she is very seductive and became very possessive for her. I confessed her couple of times and stop talking her and going her house, to get rid of possessiveness.

She told me that she is interested in keeping good friendship, and not more than that. When we stop going her house, she convinced me to keep good friendship.

Now we usually talk once a day for 5 – 10 minutes. Sometimes she flirt and some times I also flirt on phone. Sometimes, she becomes serious on phone, sometimes don’t call me and I also don’t call her for couple of days. And than she calls me and say why I didn’t call her.

Her son is engaged now and getting married soon. She used to accept our help on various matters as well as for her sons engagement.

She told me that I have to help her for her son’s marriage arrangements also.

Sometimes, I feel that she is just using me to get her things done, as she is alone and busy with her profession and her son is also busy with his job. Once her son’s marriage is over, she may start keeping distance with us.

I want suggestion / opinion that what she really want and how should I come out of possessiveness for her?

Should i keep just friendship or keep distance from her?

View related questions: broke up, divorce, engaged, flirt

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A female reader, IamJess United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2012):

IamJess agony auntI think its important that you understand she's probably lonely, and not got anyone else to talk to, and the fact you two flirt a lot replaces her need for someone to be there, because she thinks she's got you. She might want something to happen in that way thats why she's asking you to do stuff with her. Remain friends, because it could be wrong and could be just simply friendly.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWhat does you wife think in all this? Have you asked her?

Honestly, you are a friend you do NOT have to help with the son's marriage arrangements unless you want to. He HAS two parents even if they are divorced.

You are married so being/feeling possessive of her is (to be blunt) RIDICULOUS.

What do YOU actually get out of this "friendship"? Someone to flirt with? Talk to?

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