A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on giving advice. My sister is helping me move into my new apartment and we were talking and for some reason, sex came up. She confessed she's still a virgin at 25 and she was worried about it. Honestly I don't know what to say. The idea of holding out that long seems absurd to me as I lost mine at the age of 14 (very early, I know.) I'm happy she came to me for advice but I need some help giving it.Basically, my sister is the complete opposite of me. I always took risks, I'm impulsive, never went to college, I have a 2 year old son who is the world to me and my sister basically went through this cut out plan of life. Go to school, get good grades, go to Uni, get a degree, etc. She never partied hard like I did, never got into bad situations like I did. She doesn't hold grudges like I do, and she's really, really pretty. She's finished up a really long internship in Melbourne last year, she's really smart and has a good career ahead of her. If you'd look at my life you wouldn't say I did well, but I'm happy and while my sisters life looks great on paper she doesn't seem happy at all. She was bullied a lot in highschool because she didn't stand up for herself and she's had self esteem issues. She said that played a huge part in dating because she'd push every guy away who came too close, even if he was very nice. She's basically afraid she's not good enough. From my POV that seems idiotic, because she has everything a guy could wish for. I'll even admit there have been times I was jealous of her. What can I tell her to help her learn to accept herself and let a guy into her life? She's worked so hard to get her life on track it's sad she lets herself stand in the way of it. Help a sister out!
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bullied, jealous, self esteem, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): A lot more guys would want a virgin than a woman who has slept with a lot of people. Make sure she knows that. The stigma against sexual inexperience only applies to men.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): iAmHereToHelpYou expressed my thoughts better than I can.
At risk of coming across as too harsh, I respectfully suggest that as a (presumably) single mother who lost her virginity at 14, admittedly partied hard, admittedly got into bad situations, and never made it past high school, you are not exactly in prime position to dispense advice on life and love.
As iAmHere says, better to focus on helping your sister with her self-esteem (where you could definitely help and inspire her) for now and defer the letting guys in to her life aspect (where, no offense intended, you would be decidedly less helpful or inspiring).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Agree with ZoeH, I wouldn't mind being a childless 25-year-old college graduate with good career prospects. From a male POV, your sister's not having a sexual past is not exactly something she needs to live down, to me it indicates she has exercised discretion and good judgement in her personal life in waiting for the right guy at the right time. There are still plenty of guys out there who would leap at the opportunity to become acquainted with a smart, level-headed, attractive young woman with no baggage; it just takes some digging and lots of weeding out losers to find them. Also agree with ZoeH in that one way you can help is for you (and mutual friends) to brainstorm names of guys you know whom you think might have compatible personalities, interests and experiences (or lack thereof), that way your sister will have the reassurance that any guy she meets through you will have been pre-screened and she'll know in advance that his intentions are honorable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Tell her to start trusting her instincts. Like you said she is different from you. So as where having sex early, taking risk was something YOU did, it might not work at all for her.
I would encourage her to get out there, be social, to date.
As for the sex. There really IS no hurry. You might feel she is missing out, but remember she seems to move at a whole different pace.
And I would also encourage her to work on her self esteem issues, she is FAR more likely to do better in a relationship if she can work on herself.
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A
female
reader, ZoeH  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 I'm jealous of her. I wish my life was like that right now haha. I think you should help her find a nice guy, maybe a friend of yours so you know what he is really like and if he is good enough for her. Or just leave her to it, let her make her own decisions, i'm sure she'll find a nice enough man who she can really trust and let him in her life :)
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