A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure whether to continue my friendship with this person or not. The thing is, she only seems to want to do what she wants lately. She usually just wants to go out drinking in my hometown ( she lives in another area ) but i sometimes get sick of going as i live here. I said i wanted to go to a different town for my birthday, and she said she would definately come. However, i didn't hear from her, so she didn't come out for my birthday, and i didn't even get a happy birthday message from her. She had also said a few weeks ago that she wanted to go to a concert with me last weekend ( i asked her about it ), which was a couple of hours away from where i live, but she never contacted me again about it, so i didn't end up going to that either. She sent me a message today to say that she was sorry that she hadnt been intouch, and that she had been staying with her boyfriend a lot, and that she was waiting to hear about a new job ( they seem like excuses to me ), and she asked if i wanted to go to the cinema with her. We have mentioned going to the cinema before, but i'm annoyed that she didnt go out for my birthday or to the concert, or that she at least didnt contact me to say that she couldnt come, and why.We have had some good times together, as we enjoy watching shows at the theatre together sometimes too. I just dont understand why she acts that way, as she usually seems nice when i see her. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): It's always good to not put all your eggs in one basket- in other words, don't always depend on one person for everything because they will hurt you or let you down. You know this is how she is- my guess is this is how she'll ALWAYS be so take that into consideration when you make plans with her. Always have a back-up plan when you make plans with her. Then if she cancels or blows you off, you can do something else to lessen the blow. Are there any positives to the friendship? If so, keep on being friends but limit your time with her. Hang out with other friends. It's always a great idea to meet new friends as well. If her behavior frustrates you and brings nothing but negativity, it may be time to move on from her.
A
female
reader, cnith  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I'm not sure why you're questioning your friendship. Seems to me she's made it clear she's not a friend to you. She's someone you hang out with when she's bored or has nothing else to do.
Have a chat and tell her how you feel. If she wants to be a friend, she'll behave better in the future. If not, no loss, you were never friends to begin with... friends don't treat each other this way.
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A
female
reader, Zanie +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Well, she is allowed to say no. Everyone has there own life and plans... and sometimes what your plan might not fit into what she planned. Sometimes people truly do get busy with life.
If you feel you always end up doing what she wants to do, then tell her so. Tell her you want to do something else, and if she says no...then decide if you want to be friends with her or not. Did you ever think that maybe she doesnt want to do what you want to do because she doesnt like it? Maybe her idea of fun is going out to drink? Does that make it so wrong? Would you want to do something you didnt want to do? Maybe she is saying no, because she knows she'll be bored.
You need to make friends with like minded people. If she doesnt like the activities you like, well than you problably aren't compatible as friends.
How long have you known her? Months, years? If this is someone you've only known a bit, then of course, you aren't top priority. You have to give it time to grow the friendship. If you've known her for years, then you have a right to be ticked.
In the end, you decide whether to bother or not. If you're not happy, then dont bother. However, do presume to think that she is just waiting around for you. She has a life too. I always call my friends and ask...I dont wait for them to call me. If you want something done right, do it yourself. Call her and ask. If she says no, over and over...well then you definitely should catch the drift, she aint interested. If she makes and breaks plans, then she aint worth it.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 This sounds like the classic "fair weather friend" to me. It's all good when it's something she wants or has the down time to fill. But if/when it comes her turn to actually *do* something not her idea or of her choosing, then she's conspicuous by her absence. I don't think you should count this girl among your BFF's, honestly. At best, this is probably a passing casual acquaintance. Not a lifelong friend. If you feel as though you should say something about this to her, then ask her, "Hey, weren't we supposed to..." But expect to hear more of the same excuses. This type of person will disappear if you ever need a good friend, which is why they're called fair weather friends.
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