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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a guy from an online site sunday for a drink...it went well..the bar was dark so apart of me was thinking maybe we wont even know if we are truly attracted you know? He seems like a very genuine guy (but i am still cautious from past experience)..close with his family, still living at home to help them out and i am doing the same...definitely is a talker and has an accent from the area we live which seems heavier than the people i know so it was some getting used to.He drove me home even though i said it was only 2 blocks away..didn't seem like he was expecting anything..i guess i liked him enough where i didn't mind being there but you know how sometimes after meeting them--you know in 10 minutes you are attracted for sure and all that and you are just hoping the personality matches...i am kind of doing the opposite..i think i am a little attracted and i think i am confused b/c he seems like he would be a good b/f to whoever he is with.We went out again for some food tonight..he picked me up..nothing fancy..i chose this causal bar that serves..i am trying to do a no pressure, getting to know them slow type thing...almost like a friend..i asked if he wanted some money when the check came and he said please don't embarrass me which was kinda funny.I guess physically maybe i would go for someone slightly taller although his height doesn't even really bother me..i think it's more his face i am trying to determine if i am attracted to. His lips seems kinda small..it may sound weird but when we kissed i felt like my mouth was bigger/stronger you know?I told my friend all this and she thinks i need to give it more time b/c if he is "normal" for the most part now, then i need to think about all those other guys i met who had baggage, or this or had no manners etc.One red flag though--i looked him up on his facebook and we arent friends but i read his wall posts..and he seems very different on there..curses, talks about girls in certain areas being h*es and its not what he is looking for, or random comments mentioning a double date he is on..he has btwn 60-70 friends so maybe it's people somewhat close and he used it to rant..but he seems very different in person..so i need to make sure he isnt lying to me i guess..I just still don't know if i am truly turned on by him yet..give it more time? a friend told me the guy she is with now..she wasnt attracted to him much when she met him on the site..but after spending time with him and how she felt around him, she fell in love. When do you know you want to keep dating that person??
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Just give it more time - Facebook should never be used as an indicator of someone's personality or how they live their lives. If you look on this site Facebook tends to be the downfall of so many relationships, and causes so many issues when dating. My advice for people who are dating - stay away from each other's Facebook altogether and get to know each other the good old fashioned way - face to face. Yes you met online, but you are dating him now so dont judge him on some random Facebook comments you know nothing about, judge him on what you DO know - the man you see in front of you on dates.
Who cares what he is like around his friends or on Facebook?! What matters is how he is around you, what it is like when it is just the two of you, and how he treats you. If he treats you well and you enjoy each other's company, then all is well.
If you are not sure if you are attracted to him - give it a couple more dates and see how it goes. Often the more you get to know someone the more attractive they can become because you love their personality. But equally if there is no physical attraction at all then this is no good and the relationship will never work.
So please, ignore Facebook as it is not representiative of what people are like in real-life. You know nothing about the background to these posts and comments so dont judge him when you dont know the full picture. Just relax, enjoy dating him and see how it goes, simple as that.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (31 March 2011):
....This is a tough one, the logical thing to advise you to do is to give it a couple of more dates. If you don't feel any attraction to him after that then I doubt you will.You're right to say that him describing some girls as hoes and acting differently online is a big red flag. I've tried and I can't think of any good reasons for it. The only ones being, either he's been hurt and is angry or he's trying to look big to his mates. Even then these are not good reasons at all and they are the best scenario. At worst he thinks all women are scum and is only acting nice to you.It's your choice if you'd accept any of these reasons.If you really love spending time with him and think he's great in every other way you've seen then maybe it's worth the risk to you. Also just to mention I don't agree with your friend, you shouldn't date someone you're not really into just because they're normal. Wait and find someone who you really like and is normal (by your definition) on top of that.
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