A
male
age
51-59,
*omer
writes:I have recently found out that an ex-girlfriend of mine, her father died last July. When I went to qualify this information that I was given, I also found out that her mother had died 3 years ago.I have very fond memories of her, although we have not been in contact for 20 years.My question is should I contact her to express my sympathy?
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male
reader, Homer +, writes (17 May 2010):
Homer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took on-board the suggestions of those who replied to my question. Although there was a 50/50 split, I decided to go with my heart. I sent her a Sympathy Card to the family and included a note to her personally, saying that if she wished she could phone me.
Four days later my phone rang and it was her. I was dumb-struck; I didn't believe that I would have had a reply to my note. It was so nice to hear her voice again. We spent about 5 minutes or so as she was at work and she could be heard by others so she didn't want to talk too much. We parted and she said that we must get together over a coffee.
So I believe that my instinct was right and I did the right thing. I have been like a 16 year-old since, I can't wait to our meeting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): I agree with CaringGuy. Im sure you feel genuine sympathy but its an ex and you have both moved. If you have a partner now and you are tempted to contact your ex girlfriend it could be seen as an excuse for contact. Lets be honest, its not as if you have kept in touch with her or her family all these years, so it would look odd if you started now. Having said that, you may be single and free to contact old girlfriends....but she might not be single. Say a silent prayer for her relatives and leave it at that. Stirring up old memories with ex`s can be a disaster.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): You care for her. Do it now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 March 2010):
I think it's best to leave her in the past. I know the others have all said it would be nice for you to say something, but she is an ex, and though you have great memories, you've both moved on. Best to leave it.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Depends on it ended...
When my father died, some of my exs contacted me.
Those that ended well (as well as a break up could be), I thought it a nice gesture.
Except one ex.
I wanted nothing to do with her, and I felt she was just using this as an excuse to guilt me into talking to her. She crossed certain boundaries with me, and I just did not want ANYTHING to do with her, including her condolence.
Factor in how it ended, and if it was a reasonable break up, then by all means contact her.
Be ready that she might be really emotionally volatile and she might take some of that out on you if you two have any unresolved issues.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (25 March 2010):
 She probably will not think much of it if you send anything now but in the end it would be a really thoughful thing to do. Its always nice to know that someone cares.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (25 March 2010):
Arange to meet her for coffee, this is nice gesture on your own part. In these situations the more people that show they care the better. Good on you!
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