A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't really know if I'm looking for advice, or just to see what other people think of this situation, but here goes. I broke up with my boyfriend about two months ago, for various reasons but that is not to say we had a bad relationship. As soon as we broke up, he started spending a ton of time with a certain female friend, someone he knew briefly before we met, but stopped hanging out with her immediately after we got together. She is also close with other guy friends of his; but I started hearing things about the my ex and her possibly hooking up. However, that was only an assumption from the other friends based on them hanging out more than they had previously. I didn't get mad, because I was the one that broke up with him. I was kind of hurt, however, that he had always kept me separated from that friendship before, and wondered why he had never introduced us.Anyway, we have lately been seeing each other more frequently, and having a pretty good time. He has expressed interest in wanting to get back together, and I have considered it. I'm just concerned about his new close friendship with this other girl, because I have found out a few times that he's lied about her being there when he was supposedly hanging out with other guys. He also told me about a time they were going out with "her boyfriend" which I was confused about because her facebook says she's single (and has for a long time), and none of her pictures show her with any other guy, except my ex's friends that I know. One day last week, he asked me to come out with them that night, and said I would get to officially meet her and her boyfriend. But when I showed up there with a few of my friends, he said that her boyfriend just dumped her that day. This week, I found out through other mutual friends that she hasn't had a boyfriend for months, and the only guy she's been spending a significant amount of time with is my ex.All I'm asking is, should I consider getting back together with him while he's so close with this other girl? Should I be suspicious about their friendship being more than just that? He assures me that absolutely nothing has happened with anyone since we broke up, and that he still only has feelings for me. If things did happen, then whatever.. but I know I'd be concerned if we became a couple again and he stayed friends with her. Why would he have lied about her having a boyfriend if there's nothing going on between them? But at the same time, why would he keep wanting to see me more often and ask me for another try at our relationship if he wants her? Btw, our breakup had nothing to do with trust issues. So is this something I should be worried about or am I just being weird? Thanks!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Her supposed b/f could be your ex and he dumped her on that day you were supposed to meet.
You are perfectly right to be concerned if you were to come back together and he still maintains close contact with her. You will have to let him know your limits and boundaries.
If you still have love for him, you could give him another try .If he is willing to come back to you , it would mean that nothing is going on between them. He would not be stupid enough to play behind your back.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I dont really understand - you broke up with him but 2 months later all those reasons for breaking up with him have vanished and now you want him back?
Generally you break up with someone for a good reason, so has that reason now changed? Is it no longer applicable? Or do you only want him back now because there is another girl on the scene, a case of wanting what you cant have?
Try remembering what the reason was for breaking up with him, and whether this has really changed and that you can be certain that if you did get back together the initial problem would not happen again in the relationship. The other girl is not the issue here, the big question is why did you break up in the first place and would getting back together be a good idea?
If you really want to know my opinion on this girl, well it sounds like he has always had a thing for her and ever since you had split up he took it as an opportunity to have her back in his life. Obviously when you were together she was unimportant, but now he is single again he has taken this as a chance to get to know her better and spend time with her. Hence why he is lying about the amount of time he spends with her and where he is when he is with her - he doesnt want you to know about her. To be honest she might be a bit of a rebound for him, someone to comfort him seen as you dumped him. I bet he probably would drop her if you wanted him back, but I think the problems would arise from the girl - I bet she wont take kindly to your ex cutting her out of her life just so he can go running back to you. She wont be ready to leave him alone even if he is back with you - so you might get some problems there.
If you think they are just friends then that is pretty naieve, if they were friends he would not have needed to stop hanging out with her as soon as you two got together in the first place. Clearly there are stronger feelings than friendship involved, otherwise he would have kept her as a friend right from the start and you would have met her. So when they are spending a "significant" amount of time together, my bet is that they are not just hanging out watching movies. After all, he feels the need to lie about her frequently so there is definitely more going on there - I think that he has hooked up with her plenty of times since you have split up but he just doesnt want you to know in case it ruins his chances of getting back with you.
To be honest I think if you broke up with him in the first place then the relationship was not working, so there is no point in going back there for a second round. An ex is an ex for a reason, and those reasons dont just vanish. Stand by your decision to break up, the relationship wasnt working and plus he has proven how much you meant to him by jumping into another relationship right away. Regardless of what reason he had for doing this (re-bound, missing you, trying to replace you etc) - instead of trying to get you back he has found comfort in another girls arms. If he was that distraught from losing you then he would not want to be near another girl for a good few months, but obviously he was not so hurt to stop him from seeking out a possible old crush and hooking up with her.
I know I keep saying this but you broke up with him, and now there is another girl involved. It is just too complicated to be even worth another try, so I think you need to let him down once and for all. Tell him it is really over, there are no hopes for getting back together and you are not going to be spending time with him anymore.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): sounds to me like hes moved on......i dont know many guys that hang around with a girl if hes not interested.
Just confront him , maturely.
ask if he has any intentions of getting back with you at all, if he has then good for you, if he hasnt or he strings you along, then its safe to say hes defo moved on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): You didn't want him a month ago but now you don't want him to be seeing this other girl?
Move on with your life and leave them alone is my advice.
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