A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If you have found a guy you have been involved with has been sending text messages to one of your close girl friends and the friend has not mentioned this inappropriate behavior to you, what should you do? I definitely feel I should confront both of them, but I'm not sure I will learn the truth from either! I am totally confused and don't want to jump to conclusions, I know their is no way I will continue to see this guy but should I even bother to confront the friend. Right now I am so hurt and confused I don't know what to do! Help anyone:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): 2 things might have happened.1. she is embarressed that he is making a move on her. she doesn't want to upset you. she has ignore his 'come ons"2. they both are attracted to each other. they both have been giving off signals and they both are acting on their feelings. meaning she is equally to blame. they both have been running around behind your back.i think the second scenario is more likely the case. so confron both. tell them you know. and tell them both good riddance. what are you afraid of and what are you afraid of finding out. they both are not worth it. you are still young. so what is keeping you from ending it with this guy. as for the so called friend she is not one. as you grow older and wiser you will have to adjust your friendships and who you let into your life. you will have to cut ties with some and you will make new meaningful friendships/relationships. people come into our lives for a reason and a season. so letting both go is ok. yes you are hurt and yes you are comfortable with each other. but there comes a time when we have to let go of the very people we love and care for and we need to move on. we may not like it but we are forced. and guess what - WE SURVIVE this upheaval in our lives. good luck and take care. don't be afraid of confronting them. with or without more evidence. rather be rid of the shit in your life than have shit that you don't know about.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I am a little confused here myself. I just want to see if I am getting this correctly. Are you with him or have you been with him and it is now over?The reason I ask is because if you have been involved with him, past tense, meaning you are no longer with him. Why would something that does not concern you be inappropriate? You may have been with him and you may be done with him, but that means no one you know can have them? Isn't that a bit petty? That would just be plain jealousy and you should really deal with that. Close friend or not, just because you don't "like" him doesn't mean your friend can't. You have no business in confronting a developing friendship or relationship between the two of them. You are third party. Butt out.However this statement you made "I know their is no way I will continue to see this guy but should I even bother to confront the friend." is what confuses me about your relationship stance with said boy. If you are with him, and they are texting each other, I would first find out the nature of the text as they may be developing to be friends. Like you said you shouldn't be jumping to conclusions.HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Your friend probably knows it would upset you and might be a bit embarrassed about it, depending what sort of friend she is. I think I'd ditch him anyway, because if he was really into you, he wouldn't be interested in contacting other girls. On the other hand, if it was her that initiated the contact with him, he may just be being friendly by responding, but again, if he was really into you he would have mentioned it to you.
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