A
female
age
30-35,
*rying to Figure It Out
writes:My husband and I recently just got married a little over 2 months ago, but have been together for over 3 years now. We just moved into our first place together and are getting adjusted to living together. For about the past week now though, I have notice that when I walk into the office (when he is on the computer) he quickly changes the tabs of what he is looking at to another tab he has opened. I am almost positive he is also masturbating while he is in there as well. I don’t think he is looking at porn sites, but possibly other sites (he has a fetish for pregnant woman). I am not sure if it is better to confront him about any of this or not. It’s bothering me a lot to know he is potently hiding something from me with the way he switches the tabs, but then again I want him to have his space. I just don’t want to question what he is doing every time he gets on the computer, not to mention the pain it is causing me. It’s been bothering me for days and my husband knows something is wrong I just can’t find the way to bring it up to him or know if I even should. Any advice would be helpful. I am truly lost for words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): I think porn and time to yourself is natural, we all do it, females, males.. BUT if you know if fetishes that make you uncomfortable or any reason to not trust him online, make a joke out of it, if you approach him in a serious manner hes never going to tell you more like 'hey youu, hey why do you always switch tabs when i walk in you cheeky thing?' as to 'HEY WHY ARE YOU SWITCHING TABS', i know how sneaky internet ish can feel, trust me. If he gets defensive he has ALOT to hide, you never know you could sit and talk about it openly, if its acceptable you have to understand. Porn/fetish does not mean he doesnt want to sleep with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): well if he is still paying attention to you and treating you well, then I think he's entitled to some privacy even if you don't like what he's doing. because I mean look, you don't like what he's doing but what he's doing isn't actually impacting you except through you not liking it. he has a right to his own space and he's not trying to impose anything on you, so leave him alone and learn to accept that just because you are married doesn't mean you own him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 Moving in together is such a BITCH.... because all the mystery and aura that existed when you had separate addresses will, necessarily, not be available, and will evaporate....
Now, YOU KNOW just what went on in your "B/F's" private time... and you have to reconcile if it is consistent with your's and his "living together".... Is it? After all, this ISN'T just "playing house".....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): First you have to decide if you are comfortable with him looking at porn and have an open discussion with him about it. He's hiding something and that's really not a good way to be in a marriage.If you don't have a problem with him looking at porn ask him to be honest with you about it and you will surely respect his privacy . HOWEVER, if you are not comfortable with this in your marriage, you need to get it addressed right away. An open, non-confrontational discussion. There should also be boundaries because excessive porn viewing can become a real serious problem in your marriage in no time at all.I'm not against porn, but I am against men who spend too much time viewing it and have expectations IRL of what they are viewing and how far out of hand it can get when it comes to how dedrading it is towards women in general. I also think that when you are in a relationship, if porn is not something you are both into, there is no longer a place for it. I'm assuming it's porn, but if he continues to display this same kind of behavior over and over, you have every right to ask and he should be able to be honest with you about it. Trust in a marriage is crucial...without it, you really have nothing.I hope it's nothing and you can work it out.Oh, and never buy into "all men watch porn" and it's normal. No, far from true...the men who are usually watching porn a lot are typically young, alone, have way too much time on their hands, have issues with real women/sex and relationships, and have no life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 I have many links about this on my profile that I think you will find helpful.
Two very good websites about it are:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
http://www.fightthenewdrug.org
I suggest reading up to get some more information about it before talking to him. It will help you remain calm, stick to your points and help him feel less confronted. The last thing you want is for him to feel like he is attacked or for him to feel cornered. If he becomes very defensive, it's all over. You aren't alone in your feelings on this at all, so don't feel bad for being upset or having these views (they are shared by the majority of women).
If after you talk about it you feel the conversation was unproductive, I highly suggest the book The Porn Trap by Larry and Wendy Maltz. It is meant to be read together and has some good exercises and does a good job of explaining why it is hurtful to you and why this habit is so difficult to stop.
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A
female
reader, franny1297  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 hey look it's only early days and he still trying to settle in. besides, how is you sex life. he might want to start having sex with you and make a child, but is to nervous to ask so he is (probably) getting his sexual tension out. the majority of men watch porn and thats fine. but he should be careful on what sites he goes on because it can involve the police and could be classified as a pervert. ask him gently what he does on the computer and tell him that it's ok if he tells you if you watch porn. he is your husband and you should be able to trust each other. however give him his space. if he refuses to tell you just let it go. do you want children? if so ask hi m if he wants to have sex? and be flirty. have a sex life
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