A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had been together for 4 and a half years, 2 months ago my bf dumped me, and went away on holiday alone, but we got back together again. 3 weeks ago though he was on a study trip to barcelona, and i read his emails when he was there (he had only sent me 1 text message after being away for a week) i'd never checked his email before, but his details were on my laptop, and i was curious to see if he'd sent any of his family/friends emails whilst away but hadn't sent me any. I found an two interesting emails, one he sent to a woman who he must have met in Barcelona, he told her he had found her instantly attractive and that if she was ever in the uk to let him know, she then replied and thanked him for walking her to the bus stop, she also said that he didn't seem 22 (so he must have lied about his age, he's 20) and she wanted him to know that she didnt usually do that kind of thing (she said something about her dirtbagness?) now i'm confused because although that doesn't prove anything happened, he wouldn't contact this woman if he hadn't felt something for her, he then also emailed his cousin in canada and told him he'd met a canadain woman who is 30! so she was 10 years older than him, and lives in canada, i don't understand why he'd risk everything we have for someone who he might never see again. He didn't ring me when he got home, and changed his relationship status on facebook to single, i rang him and asked him about his trip etc. then mentioned the facebook thing and he denied it, i asked him if he'd met someone when he was away and he said no, but i got angry at him and told him it was over. He's text me a few times since, and we're aranging to met to talk this week, should i confess to having read his emails? or does that make me just as bad as him?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 November 2009):
Don't bother meeting him. I don't think he's the guy for you, and think you'd be better off moving on and finding someone else. Just forget about the emails
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Yes you definately have to tell him. If you are both going to be together then honesty is the only way.From what you wrote it seems that you wernt together when he was overseas, so what he did then shouldnt matter. But you must confront him on whether it is going on.Please dont be together just for the sake of it though as it is much better to get a fresh perspective on life and meet someone new.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Hun Ive been there and done that.
This guy is your past, cry about it and then move on loads of nice guys out there. Any man who wont be honest with you isnt worth having, Bye Bye little boy.
Onward and upward
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 I think you've opened a pandoras box full of trouble.
It seems that this relationship was heading down the wrong path if he was chatting to other women and you were reading his emails.
Forgive me for being blunt but there is no trust there from you and there is no respect there from him.
Regardless of whether you tell him you've read his emails or not, you'd always now have that doubt in your mind as to what he's up to or who he is with when he is away and that isn't a good basis for a relationship.
If he has changed his facebook status to single he is probably going to add those people he met and it always looks better if it says single.
You really need to get out and stay out of this relationship. You shouldn't have read his email, you know that, but he seems like he's playing you.
I wouldn't even bother to meet up. Let him get on with his own thing and come to his senses on his own. don't put yourself through the hurt and pain because it will just drag out the inevitable.
Don't tell him you read his email. If he can't be honest with you about who he met while away, he isn't worth your time anyway.
You're both keeping secrets from one another and it seems silly.
Make a clean break and find someone you can trust and start again.
Good luck xx
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