A
male
age
30-35,
*oviefan
writes:Well i have been waiting to ask this for some time but i was trying to decide on my own, but this decision is very important and i need to make the right one.Well there is a girl i have known since kindergarten but i was never really close to her until the last few years and we have become very close as friends. I have realized with time that i think i am in love with her, but she has a boyfriend who im kind of off and on friends with. They seem happy together and i don't want to disturb that. But there was another guy i know that told her that he loved her while she was with her current boyfriend, but nothing ever came of it unsurprisingly, and all it did was stress her out, i know because i was the one person she always vents to except her boyfriend, she has told me things that she has only willing told 3 people, me, current bf, and her ex.I want to tell her how i feel but i don't want to stress her out because i know she is going thought a lot right now as i am. I want to tell her even if it doesn't ever amount to anything, because i find my self looking forward to being by her side whenever an opportunity arises. If it be a bus, car,her house, or collage.Because lately i have had a insatiable urge to give her affection, but i know i shouldn't, so i don't. I just do you every day type interactions that close friends do.Should i confess to her or keep it to myself until she possibly breaks up with her current boyfriend, be it fruitful or not . Thanks Agony Aunts.
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (5 December 2008):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the question She has made some sort of umapropriate moves towards me that she likes me and i made it clear it wasnt right and i didnt like it and it hasnt happend since. I do think she likes me and not just from this, but not as much as him or something along those lines. But i was thinking myself that i should move on,and i wouldnt want to loose her as a friend. So im going to keep things the way they are at least for now. Thanks guys.But it does really hurt to have stronger feelings but i am not able to act on them even tho were so close. Its aganizing, but i wouldnt want to break them apart even if i could i thought i made it clear in the message maybe not o well.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 It may be best to remain friend, then see how she goes on with her current boyfriend. If she is confiding in you anyway, you will be the first to know how the land lies with her current situation with him. If she was stressed out before you could be making her stress out again. It may be best that you look elsewhere for a girlfriend but remain friends with this one at the same time. It could destroy anything you have now if you make the wrong decision and if she did feel for you like that you would be able to pick up on it from any signals she give you. It doesnt sound like she is doing that at the moment or you would know.
hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? My personal opinion is that when those emotions start happening, there is little you can do to control them. If the girl doesn't feel that for you, then it's not your fault, it's outside of your control. But, people get over these things and move on. p
On the other hand, you can repress all those feelings and pretend to be someone that you're not. I think that also causes misery to watch someone happy with somebody else and you're all alone. p
Maybe she is the one you really want to be with and if you can wait until the right moment to tell her, she will understand. But that requires you really understanding someone and how they think. I think this also creates a situation you can't control and of which you are the victim. My advice (looking back) would either be to tell the girl now and address those feelings. Or, remove yourself from the situation so you aren't being a false friend to her and figure out something new to focus on.p
Being her pseudo-friend while you're in love with her is fence sitting and I think it causes you stress and is bad for the relationship.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 You have to ask yourself whether or not you are willing to risk losing her as a friend and possibly out of your life altogether?
It must be awful being so close to her but not being able to tell her how you feel, but if you do tell her while you will feel relieved to get it off your chest you might lose her as a friend, if she is with someone at the moment then its likely she doesnt have the same feelings for you.
It sounds like she values your friendship and that you have a fantastic relationship already, why risk that for some feelings you think you have? Keep her as a friend and accept that you will never be anything more and try and move on. I know it is the hardest thing to do but if you really love her then you will want her to be happy so the most selfless thing you can do is put your feelings aside and be a friend to her when she needs you.
You sound like a fantastic guy, you wont have any problems finding someone who loves you as much as you deserve!
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