A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi allShould I confess my feelings to this friend of mine ? I don't know if he knows it or not but I have strong feelings for a friend. We used to flirt and hooked up once but I don't think he feels the same way. Even if he does, he won't ever make an effort because of being an introvert and complicated (mixed signals). I realized he doesn't treat me the way I deserve even as a friend and I need to move on and stop doing this to myself. I have pursued him for more than a year now. I am making efforts to move on but should I confess it to him or not ? I felt like telling him everything, the reason behind my expectations and arguments was feelings but I hope it doesn't make things awkward between us. I thought I'll tell him everything when we meet but we live in different cities and I don't want to wait that long. Should I text him everything and let go ? Or keep it to myself to avoid the awkwardness? I don't understand. I just wanted to avoid that 'what if' regrets but I know his response will hurt me further. I don't know. Help me out. Thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 No, don't say anything, you'd just embarass yourself and him.
I agree with WiseOwlE, he may be shy and introverted but obviously he was not so terribly shy and introverted when it was time to get himself some. If he can overcome his shyness to satisfy his sexual impules, he'd overcome it to if he had to fulfill through you his emotional needs.
If he does not respond, it's because his emotional needs have got nothing, or very little, to do with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2016): Whoa boy! Here we go. Falling in-love with a friend.
If they are oblivious to your feelings, chances are they don't feel the same way. You attached your feelings after you both fooled around. Friends shouldn't cross that barrier, because it only makes things more complicated.
As for being too shy and all that? He wasn't too shy to roll in the hay. Now he's shy and introverted? Sounds more like avoidance to me.
Falling for friends is too much of a convenience. There's no challenge, and the advantage is familiarity. You have to put yourself out there to allow yourself exposure, learn to connect with people, and to develop a thicker skin to bounce-back from rejection.
I call it fishing in a barrel. Dating co-workers and transforming platonic friends into lovers. It's too easy, and it's awkward when the other party doesn't feel the same. Then you want to go hide under a rock.
Keep it platonic. He's made no effort on his part to show you he's interested in anything but a little playtime. Then he turns into a shy introverted clever little snit. If a guy can take his pants off in-front of you, he isn't that shy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 First, let's be logical.
1. Do you REALLY think he would make a good partner? For you?
2. Do you REALLY want a LDR?
3. Do you REALLY think he wouldn't have at least TRIED to spend more time with you IN PERSON if he was interested?
4. Do you REALLY think he's make a good BF if he SUCKS at being a friend?
Being introverted doesn't mean "emotionally" stunted or "unable" to show interest or "unable" to treat others nicely.
Ask yourself, WHAT is it about him you LIKE. And then ask yourself if you can't get that from someone else (hint hint... most likely you can)
Ask yourself who you are willing to settle for a guy who hasn't treated you that well.
I'd advice you to find someone locally. And to stop hooking up and flirting with this friend. It's not doing you any favors.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (15 August 2016):
 No. Dont.
You shouldnt have to do anything. Men dont need explanations. He has no intentions to be with you. Drop it. I feel like you have invested feelings and sweetie, its hard but let it go. If a guy wants an explanation or wants to be with you, he would be calling, texting or trying to see you as much as possible. He would be doing anything and everything to be with you. If he isnt, you dont have much to lose here but only you lack of self respect if you continue to focus on him
let it go. Date, meet men, hang out with friends, focus on work. Take time for you. Make sure the person youre taking care of first is you. Good luck
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