A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months in a sort-of FWB situaton. We never specifically defined it as FWB, but I did say I wasn't looking for anything serious...Unfortunately I have started to catch feelings for him and it was eating me up inside, so today, I confessed to him. He said he appreciated me telling him but he was still too hurt from his previous relationship to get into anything serious, and that he he really enjoys spending time with me and would like to remain friends. I respect that, even though it stings a little. He's a good friend, and the sex is really good to boot. After being rejected I feel like maybe it's not a good idea to continue as fwb but I don't know if I'll be able to control my feelings even in a platonic setting and the thought of completely cutting him out of my life is tearing me apart....I don't have a lot of friends and finding someone I click with like I do with him is so difficult as an introvert....Should I completely cut him off and just mend my broken heart? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 I understand that you want him in your life. But he is not your friend. You both started out sexually and now it is not going to work as casual any more as you have developed feelings. I am glad you where both able to be honest with each other. But if you keep up with this you will end up really hurt and it simply wouldn't be fair on yourself. Therefore I think you should cut ties, and tell him friendship would be to hard for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): In order to reset or reboot your feelings and emotions; yes, you do have to cut him off completely. He has become somewhat of a habit; and having the temptation constantly in your face will only make you crave.
Once you catch feelings in a FWB-situation, you've broken the rules. If the other party doesn't consent to changing the dynamic of the relationship; you're wasting your time and energy. The futility will only frustrate you; and you will be denying yourself better options.
People always think they can remain friends once they breakup, or discontinue uncommitted romantic-arrangements; but the odds are more against that happening than for it, in reality. It would be ideal to just switch from this to that; but human emotions and needs are complicated. They just don't work that way. True feelings come to light when a third-party enters and decides they want to initiate a romantic-connection. They want something monogamous and expect to be the one and only. The so-called "friend" becomes jealous and threatened. Then the competition begins.
You'll be better-off, signing-off! You can only undo the attachment by pulling away, until the invisible cord snaps.
You should find what you really want and need. Don't waste good energy in frustration over someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Instead, you use that energy to detach, move on, and find what you need.
Something much better and what you deserve awaits you!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (18 February 2017):
 As you value his friendship, and as he has been very honest with you, I think you have two alternative ways to handle this situation:
1. You can continue as you are. You have to go into this with your eyes wide open though, knowing there is no guarantee that he will ever have the same feelings for you as you do for him. He may simply use you (in the nicest possible way) to get over his broken relationship. When he is all mended, he may see you as part of the past, a reminder of what he has gone through, and find himself someone new. He may, of course, develop feelings for you once he has got over his past, but you have to understand there is no guarantee of how this will go.
2. You can protect yourself, realize that this guy is not ready to give you what you need right now, and `cut him out of your life. You will lose a friend and you may wonder "what if", but you may save yourself a lot of hurt. There is always the possibility of course that, when you dump him, he will suddenly realise what he has lost, miss you and offer you more than at the moment. Again, no guarantees.
Only you can decide which way you want to go.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2017):
 OH EDIT!
I wrote:
A GOOD and deep friendship takes TEARS to build and doesn't involve sex.
Should have been:
A GOOD and deep friendship takes YEARS to build and doesn't involve sex.
LOL
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2017):
It isn't a good idea to continue and you aren't friends either - you were f-buddies who were friendly.
My guess is he wants to stay friends, so he MIGHT be able to get more sex here and there.
People don't become GOOD friends after knowing each other for two months. A GOOD and deep friendship takes TEARS to build and doesn't involve sex.
Wish him well, tell him friendship is not something you want right now (as you have feelings for him) and then you CUT him off.
And maybe accept that "FWB" is NOT for you.
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