A
female
age
26-29,
*ransforming destiny
writes:Hi!I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a little over two years. He is 27 and I'm 21, so naturally he has more experience than I do. 6 months into our relationship, he confessed that he had cheated on me, so we broke up but got back together a few months later. He hasn't done it since, but it still stings when I think about it. Lately, he has been trying to figure out if I would move to him after I finish school (I have two more years left). He thinks that he will be stationed somewhere soon and he wants me to come be with him. I want to be with him forever, but I have reservations about moving. I don't want to leave my family, and I am also scared that he may be unfaithful again and I will be left all alone. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful!
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broke up, cheated on me, got back together, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2017):
 You don't trust him, I doubt you ever will so in my opinion I really don't think he is the guy you want to be with. If you are wanting a long term relationship then it needs to be with someone who you can trust. If their is no trust then their is no point, you will only end up being paranoid and unhappy.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 June 2017):
 It's sweet that he wants you to come be with him, but neither of you are settled and there's that sting of having been cheated on still burning inside your head. It stings for a reason and will continue to sting because it’s not meant to be ignored. It acts as a warning bell.
For me 2 years is a long way off to commit to someone who already has faulted in keeping his penis in his pants. How do you know he’s not straying, Googling websites or flirting with girls while long distance as we speak? Perhaps he's betting on your inexperience and gullibility until you move and find out another truth?
But let’s say you decide to be with him forever and move… who pays for you to move, when you’re the one sacrificing family, friend’s, career opportunity? Will he pay for you or will this be at your expense and another lesson to learn the hard way about trust?
I say you’re better off not being too starry eyed about this guy and focus on finishing school as mentioned.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 June 2017):
 The only advice I can give you is that don't commit to someone who you don't trust. Not now and never in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017): Your worries are legitimate. In this case, it is better that you don't give him an answer yet, and take time to feel about the situation. When you no longer have any doubts, the answer will be clear to you. But when in doubt, don't buy. Don't make any moves now, not when you have these concerns.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
FINISH your education and if you two are still together, go from there.
Sounds like he could be military ( in basic training now?) so he could be stationed in Korea, Japan, Germany or the UK (just to mention a few overseas places) which are all places YOU can not go with him UNLESS you are married. You can go visit or get a 3 months tourist visa but that is not really going to help you in the long run. And marriage at this point in your relationship? Not a good idea. If you two are still rebuilding trust, both finishing training, and school.
OR he could arrive at a unit that is getting ready to deploy to combat zones. Again, you wouldn't be able to live with him ON base/post without being married. And he wouldn't be permitted to live OFF base/post as a private. Probably not till he has reached a rank of E4-E5. And that could take a few years depending on his MOS/Unit needs.
Plus how would you afford a roof over your head, food, a car? by yourself? ( a single E1 PRIVATE doesn't make enough to take care of both YOU and himself)
So FINISH your education. That will GIVE you some more time to decide if you WANT the "nomadic" lifestyle of the military or stay closer to home.
Use some common sense here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017): Before you consider doing anything, complete your education and get your degree. Depending on your major and choice of careers; you may want to look into an internship and job opportunities in whatever area your boyfriend is inviting you to relocate. You may have a different opinion, limited options; or change your mind in the span of two years. You may even want to attend graduate-school. Assuming you're still an undergrad.
You should be more than cautious to uproot your life for some guy who cheated on you in the past. You really ought to focus on your career-goals and stop thinking about being with some guy forever. The reality is, you have to work, you may have student loan debt; and you need to get used to having your independence, and fending for yourself no matter where you land. Being a student and living in the workaday world are not the same. You can't rely on him to support you financially; and sometimes finding employment after graduation can take a long-time.
This is the 21st century; and women don't give-up their careers and future plans for some guy living far from their families and familiar home-life. They may follow career opportunities and seek a higher-education wherever they may lead; but they stand to benefit with more certainty from these options; than following their heart on the hope some man is going to complete them.
Usually they end-up far from home, alienated or isolated from family and friends; and the relationship doesn't turn-out worth all they've invested or lost. He's on home-turf and established; and if you breakup, he doesn't have to pull-up stakes and move miles back to the life left behind in the name of love.
Be reluctant to change your life or move for someone who makes no effort or wouldn't even consider relocating for you! His credibility is shot, and you're not even sure you can trust him. Think long and hard! Seek your family's opinion as well.
Don't come to us as a way to circumvent the honest and loving opinions of parents and siblings. They act only in your best interest; even when you're not thinking clearly when in the throws of love. It's good to seek alternative opinions; but none are better than those coming from the people who know and love you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 You're uncertain about it with good reason.
Personally I wouldn't bother, you already seem like you don't fully trust him still and I don't think moving in with him would do anything to change that.
I think the real question you need to be asking is if you're ever going to get over what happened and regain your trust in him to continue the relationship.
Whenever I see a person post that they've been cheated on I would always encourage the poster to leave their relationship because they deserve so much more than someone who doesn't respect them.
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