A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi ladies! So i know of this guy through a chat site and we've been talkin for almost 2years now. We've gotten close recently and say i love you to each other all the time over the phone. It used to be pure flirting but recently its more than that. Hes gotten a little possesive that im liking and i am as well. The thing is he has not confessed that he loves me and we get into fights alot. Should i ask him straight off if we are together? Im scared because hes naturally a v jovial guy who doesnt take things seriously. But we are special to each other. Everytime we fight i refrain from saying certain things coz i just want to make sure he feels the same way i di. Should i confess i love jim and clear things once n for all? Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): Hi male reader just to clarify what u said, he is not denying any kind of relationship..like i mentioned we are NOT in a relationship yet. Next getting therapy is not as easy as you think, the cost is really high and i did mention i am just a student..this is not reasons i give.. If i could i would have gone for cbt a long time back..the last time i sort help for my anxiety condition i was only prescribed medications that came with alot of side effects tht made me stop taking them. Next i am not fighting to make him confess.. Fights are a whole different thing..which part of what i said makes u tink im living in denial? Denial of what? That this guy is just a virtual friend? Comin to professional help, if i have the money i would go get some.. Yes im alone most of the time and thats how i choose to be. Nothing wrong i believe. I never went into cyberspace looking for love to begin with..i did st i was doing my diploma and had friends even when i was on cyberspace.. I am not Looking for a man online,it just happened. Alot of things are easier said than done..dont have to feel sorry for me, im not helpless either! Thanks forur 'concern'
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): "Hi i have wrote more here"And nobody who responded to that post told you wanted to hear, either. Given more details, all of them responded in even stronger terms that you can't be in love with a guy you literally don't know and one wisely suggested therapy, which you of course you immediately shot down for spurious reasons. "all of them know about me. Not exactly as his gf but as his close friend."So he's denying your "relationship" to his family, never a good sign."He for one is not lying to me because if he was he wouldnt call me back whenever we fight". If you're fighting because he won't confess he "loves" a person who is literally a virtual stranger to him, then your "relationship" is off to a rocky start. "Somehow even if you havent met someone in real u know they are special."Not much anyone can do if you choose to live in denial while refusing to seek the professional help you need. I can only hope your "relationship" doesn't end too badly and your already fragile state doesn't deteriorate further . I feel so sorry for you, you must be desperately unhappy nad alone and unable to cope if you have to retreat into a cyberspace fantasy world to find "love." Hopefully you will somehow manage to find your way to the help you need, hopefully it won't take a crisis to do accomplish that.
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A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Have you two met? I probably would suggest meeting him first before jumping into the boat of saying you love him and stuff, you love what he is appearing to be, because your just talking on the phone and over the internet, and it seems fascinating and fun, but when you meet him in person it might all change. You need to meet up and then see how you feel, thats for the best really.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): Hi i have wrote more here.. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-confess-to-my-online-friend-that.html what you said is true i dont know how he behaves in real and i have never met him but i have spoken to his mum and even his brothers and all of them know about me. Not exactly as his gf but as his close friend. He for one is not lying to me because if he was he wouldnt call me back whenever we fight. Somehow even if you havent met someone in real u know they are special.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Have you ever dated this man in person? How do you know you are special to him? Because he shows you? How could he possibly show you when all you do is talk on the phone and chat online? Telling someone you love him when you haven't met or dated him is a big mistake. You only know him through conversations which he could completely be lying about. I am not saying he is lying, I am saying he COULD BE. Online relationships are exactly what they say they are ONLINE. You do not really know the person. You do not know his habits and behaviors. You do not know how he reacts to certain life events and problems. You do not know that he is telling you the absolute truth about his life...you have to take his word for it. How would you even know that he's naturally a very jovial guy? You haven't observed him with family or friends, you just know what he has told you. Online relationships can be serious, but only if you there are plans to meet and actively date in person. Otherwise, I would be very careful of someone you have never met who is already possessive of you. Possessiveness is not good no matter who you are with. While you are spending a lot of time online with someone you may never be with (has he mentioned dating in real life? meeting you, etc?), there is probably someone in your area who would love to meet and be with you. Please don't waste your life on someone you may never be with, and don't tell him you love him until you date him in person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): Have you even met this guy in person?
If not, then you can't possibly "love him" or even "be together" because he is literally a virtual stranger. You have no way of knowing if he's really the person he's pretending to be online or over the phone. All you know about him is what he tells you about himself, and that is probably not remotely close to reality.
You might as well profess your love to a fictional character in a romance novel or a phone-sex operator, because right now that's all this guy is. You're caught up in a cyberspace fantasy world and it is affecting your judgement.
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