A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused. I am married for almost 28 years been together for 30 years. I do love my husband but here lies the problem. He does not want to seem to touch me. I admit that I gained some weight during the marriage and was busy raising the kids, who are now grown. Recently I have started to lose weight and feel good about myself again. I want to have sex with my husband who seems to pull away. He says he loves me and I know for a fact that there is no one else at least where he is concerned. I think he needs the little blue pill. He has joked about needing it, but I don't think he is really joking. I am sure that this bothers him, but after 28 years of marriage one would think that he would not be embarrassed around me. I fully understand and have never, ever put him down. I think if I made him a doctor appt. he would go but I am soooo tired of being the only one in this relationship that seems to take charge. I know he is tired after working all day, but so am I. Ok here is the rest of the story. I was really in love with this guy in high school. Recently he emailed me and we have been talking on line. He has a girlfriend and I have a husband. He never got married. He left me 33 years ago and says he has always regretted the way he left. I have haunted him all these years. We have talked about our last night together which for me was beautiful. I never regretted it. He says he never regretted it either, only the way he left. I guess he got scared because things were moving very fast. Yes we have flirted in the emails but of course they are all about years ago. Nothing has ever been said about the here and now. He wants to meet me so he can apolize to me in person. He says an email is not enough, he must do it in person. I have agreed to meet him but not for a little while. As I said I am losing weight and am embarrassed by the weight I put on. My question is this.....do you think he really just wants to apolize to me or do you think he wants something more? I guess I am still in love with him as he was the first. Only I am not sure if it is really love or just wanting someone who seems to want me. I know that my husband loves me but I am human and need the human touch. He won't hold my hand unless I grab his first, he won't touch me in bed unless I start something first. We haven't had sex in the traditional way in a couple of years but now it is really starting to bother me. Anyone have any idea on how to cope with this? I hate divorce but I think if the right man came along and swept me off my feet.... I have joked recently that I might have to find a boyfriend to help take care of me, but it seems to not have any affect on him. I think he thinks I am not going anywhere, so he is safe. HELP!!!
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Sometimes men need help in taking care of anything that is medical in nature. Some don't but others do. Your husband sounds like the type who needs help. Plus, this particular topic makes men very self-conscious. Why don't you make the appointment and go with him? I know the thought of the other man is exciting and likely stirs a lot of emotions in you, but this is only going to lead to heartache all the way around. Do you want to hurt your husband by sleeping with someone, or you think he just wouldn't care at this stage? Instead of joking around about it, have a serious talk with your husband about going to the doctor. Tell him you need him and you need his touch. Ask him if you can help in any way. I know you are tired of doing things for the relationship, but give it one more chance. If you continue to try to work things out, and he offers no help, you can go from there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): I really hope u did joked about the swiping part.
I know it's frustrating with your husband, but to even think to change your life so drastically because there is a problem in a bedroom?
Men at his age often start having low testosterone which lowers their desire for sex. May be he needs to be checked on that.
Your ex boyfriend is just a fantasy. He never got married, does it tell u something? No commitment, no responcibilities for another Human being, No kids were raised. Do u honestly think he d be the one?
I d check your husband with a doctor and then may be he does need that blue pill
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 It sounds like you've been together for so long that it's routine and you have become very "comfortable" with each other. He obviously thinks you're at the stage now where you can just be happy around each other and not need sex a lot. This is totally natural, you just need to rekindle the spark in the relationship. Set up a nice meal for him, candles music etc, and see what happens. If he's still not interested THEN you need to rethink and consider if this is what you want anymore.
I don't think you still love that other guy, he left for a reason and it could go wrong again. Don't risk messing up your relationship just for some fun. You want excitement because your man isn't putting out and you just want to feel loved. You've lost weight and feel good and you want someone to notice and make you feel sexy. I really don't think going with that other guy would do you any good. After a one night stand or what ever it is that would happen, could you see yourself settling with him? Fast forward 20 years and you'll be in the same situation with him. Make a go at your marriage, and then see what happens.
Above all, be happy. You've spent your life pleasing your man and kids, now is the time to please yourself.
Good luck, I hope you find happiness in whatever decision you make. xx
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