| A
age
51-59,
*
writes: I have been in a pretty happy relationship for 15 years with a beautiful 11 yr old daughter. OK my mum in the UK died last year and this finally gave me a reason to go home, I had been trying for 15 years to go home as I missed my family. My partner couldn't come with me due to work commitments so I went alone. My sister and I organised the whole funeral it was exhausting emotionally and I had no support although my partner was in contact daily. I met a friend of my sisters and we gelled emotionally and physically (my long term partner and I have had no sexual contact for years and when we did it was out of duty on my behalf, he has never turned me on). This other person however rocks my world. After the funeral I returned to australia and pined for the other, eventually going back and forth to the UK 4 times in one year which my partner funded, he has supported me as he wants me to be happy. My daughter whom was my world I have pushed away not intentionally but I am so caught up in my problem. This has been going on for 10 months now, I have made promises to the person in the UK about a future with him, and he has saved to come to Australia in the next few weeks, I'm not sure if this is what I want, we sure have something between us but not sure its worth him spending all his hard earned money on it. I'm not sure how I feel about my long term relationship, he's the nicest kindest man I have ever met and would move heaven and earth for me, this is breaking his heart. The person in the UK however I talk to daily on F book, he is so desperately in love with me and I don't want to hurt him, but what if he can really make me happy, cause when I'm with him I smile, which is something I haven't done in a long while. I have lost contact with those I love in the UK over it all and am heartbroken about this too. My daughter was my world and I want that back but I see my current partner who I am still living with falling apart and the other desperate to be with me, I am in now way special and have never felt special. What should I do, I just want to be happy, I can remember being happy but this has gone on so long thats its nearly normal to be sad all the time. This is probably not all the info as its all messed up in my head. I just want some help in making a decision but my biggest fear is hurting anyone (which I have already done. I want to just focus on my daughter and find myself again but I don't know how to start, we were so close before my mum died and we are drifting, she used to spend all her time cuddling me and now she spends all her time with her dad cause I'm pushing her away. Please help, should I chose to keep my family going hoping this is just a glitch, should I be with the other guy when he arrives in Australia and smile again which may in turn help rebuild with my daughter or shoulf I move on from both and just focus on my daughter.
View related questions:
heartbroken, money, move on, want to be happy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spent the day talking with my current partner who does know about the person in England, he has known all along. Today he asked why there has never been passion in our 15 year relationship, I am not attracted to him in that way but he gives me everything else I need, the passion is what I'm recieving from the other person and it seems he is willing to commit to me totally by coming to Australia. However now that he's coming I want him to slow down,although its been going on for nearly a year the thought of him arriving scares me, I do love him and think I want to be with him. The problem is that my daughters father and I are still in seperation mode and it would be rubbing salt in his wounds to let the other come over and bee seen happy together so soon. I told the guy in England this today and now he thinks Ive got cold feet and am not giving him a chance. Please help, please read my first post then this. As much help as you can all give would be greatly appreciated. I am desperate and loosing my mind.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I believe it's a glitch, but it also has to be one that you two work on together. Relationships don't repair themselves, just as they don't last if put on autopilot with false expectations of the direction you'd desire it to go. Relationships just don't work that way.
You were also with this other man. If you're going to keep your family together, contact with this other guy has to stop completely. You cannot repair what's inside your relationship, while holding onto something, with someone else, outside of it. You understand that trust is key to the success to any relationship, therefore you must also tell your husband about this affair with this other man. If not, you're selling yourself short, and doing the same to your family. You do this so your repairing your being together is done with a clean slate, and it is vital that you do so.
Look at what this affair has cost you. You have been pushing your daughter away. In my view that's the same as saying that you put this other man as greater importance than you have been your daughter. That is not right, and it's far from being fair to her.
You two need to come together and see where you're at. You are not married to work, bills, acquaintances, family, or even your daughter, but you are probably giving your focus to these other areas to make sure they run smooth, while ignoring your marriage to each other. Go date. Get a sitter, and have a date. Take a weekend to get away without bills or the life you leave behind. Focus on each other. In doing so, you'd be surprise how quick your intimacy can rebuild, and how in a way it'd seem like two teen dating again. When people get into these glitches, this is what's needed. It's time to come back to who you two were when you met, and play. You are never to old to kick your feet up and enjoy life with each other. Just be careful you don't let life outside of yourselves become everything you two are about. You'd be surprised of how doing so will positively impact your daughter as well. Remember that you two are her teachers. She learns how to have a relationship and respond to the opposite sex though your interaction with your husband. You don't want her growing up thinking that ignoring each other and just letting a relationship dwindle by not doing be her template of what she accepts in life.
I hope this helps. Take care.
...............................
|
