A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to cheat on your boyfriend if you think he may have cheated on you? I know most of you will probably say - YES! and that we should just break up.But lately, it feels more like we are dating casually than boyfriend and girlfriend. We have been exclusive for 4 months (together for 7). He's been away for work for 2 months and the every day calls have stopped and now he only calls once every 5 days or so. Over the weekend, he said he'd call - but when he didn't - I finally called him - I heard girls. When I asked him what was he up to , He said he was out with "friends". Then, when I asked about the girls - He and his coworkers were getting a tour of the city they were in .. from some guys and girls they met.So, is it wrong to cheat? I have brought up my feelings to him - that he is being shady and not giving me the proper attention - and he says my imagination is running away with itself and he will show me how much he "loves me" when he comes back home.I sort of feel I should not wait around - but I also don't want to end all ties with him. Thoughts?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2011):
 That's understandable, to a certain extent. However, to cheat makes you a cheater, no matter what he has or has not done. It's the truth that seems to linger no matter how old we get, that says, "You are accountable for your own actions." Let's see this from a different angle, because these scenario happen all to often. Let's say you two break up and it doesn't work out. You run into me, who may be looking for something I can consider real in my life. Tired of the same b.s.
Scene 1:
We get to talking. You mention this cheater, and you say you considered doing it yourself, but decided not to. You chose not to compromise yourself because of his acts toward you.
Result: Probably a second date, because deciding not to showed real character.
Scene 2:
We get to talking. You mention this cheater, and you say you decided to cheat on him too, just because he did so to you. Although you had other options of what you could do, you decided to cheat.
Result: I'd finish my drink with a smile, and say good night, but there would be no second date, or further contact. Reason...... That one act shows you to not have the character or integrity of someone that I'd made a decision to put any trust into. Bc, you can say you love him, then quickly cheat on him. I'd know, you could do the same with me as well. And that's to much to risk.
So, I know you see it that way. I just want you to see how you can end up loosing out, because of a decision to cheat. And I'll tell you, from experience in counseling others, there are more who would run away from you, than would be close to you after making that decision. Just things for you to think about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is away for another 2 months. It probably would have made more sense to break up or go on a break - but neither of us wanted to do that and I asked him again recently if that's what he wanted and he said no. I'm in love with him and he says he's in love with me - but since I'm not feeling the love - the cheating or dating other people is a self protection mechanism if I find out he's been less than faithful. Yes crazy , right? But it's how I feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Definately don't cheat. Cool it though - you've been together 7 months and 2 of those he's been away. (How long is he away for?)Thats not alot of time to build up a relationship or trust.Perhaps the timings bad for this to go anywhere, only time will tell and this is now a LDR which is totaly different, can you cope or do you want to?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 July 2011):
Don't cheat. Weather or not he has already done son. As soon as you do, you would be rightfully labeled as a cheater. Look deep inside yourself, and ask yourself this one question. "Am I a cheater?" If the answer is no, then you know the answer to your question. Never let anyone prompt you, by their actions, to behave in a way that goes against the nature of who you are.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Don't drag yourself as low as any cheater. There is no proof. He could have been very busy.
I just won't get involved with men who have to go on business trips. I see them as people who don't want to get tied down in one place, in one relationship. One day he might move to a different city, after you are totally in love with him, just because the money prospect is better. If you don't want to wait around, just end it with him, but do so when you are 100% sure with no regrets in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): What he is doing does seem shady and if it were me i would honestly hold him at arms legnth. It is wrong to cheat. There is no circumstance when its right cheating in itself is always wrong. I understand where you are coming from though. My ex would take MY car lie about going to work and hit on/chatted with other girls. He was also verbally abusive and a severe porn addict. If i ever had a male friend over hed rush me out of the house. He was extremely jealous and very selfish. Trust me i wanted to cheat on him i really did. But i knew it wasnt right even though i had almost every reason to cheat. I wonder if he is taking your relationship seriously. Maybe you should just be friends with benefits if you dont want to lose all contact but i would be weary about a bf gf relationship.
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