A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.. i'm very self conscious of myself. i dress myself and act myself and stuff, but when i'm around other people i just get upset. it's like everyone looks at them and i'm just there, and i feel like people would just make fun of me. when people say something about how i am or me it makes me so sad and i just want to break down and cry. i want to be the center of attention and just not there. what should i do... should i change myself so i feel better about myself or what?.. thanks much. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone :D really hellps..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Awe I really feel for you...
It's probably because you're pretty.
A lot of girls get extremely jealous of other girls because of their looks...
Here are some steps to take...
1. Identify what you're terribly conscious about. A certain aspect of your appearance? The twitch in your eye? Your accent? Your Disability? Your intellectual abilities? Make a list of these things and next to each item, write something you can do to improve it.
2. Figure out who you're trying to please and why. What kind of expectations are making you so self conscious? Is everyone around you picture perfect, or are you comparing yourself to airbrushed models in magazines? Have you convinced yourself that no one else has twitches, or flaws, or trips? Stop for a second and turn that self-criticism outwards. No one is perfect, and you've never noticed their little quirks before, so why would they pay so much attention to yours? Just feel like there's no need to worry and always picture yourself like you know you look and feel good in front of others, but don't think about it too much because it will already be embedded.
3. Redirect your attention. When you start to feel self conscious, locate a target - it doesn't matter what it is, it may be the bug crawling across the floor - and concentrate on it. What color is it? How many legs? Anything that turns the attention away from yourself will do the trick.
4. Make fun of yourself. Yep, that's right--not in a self-depreciating sort of way, but in a humble and witty way to acknowledge that you're not perfect and you don't care. After you drop a jar of peanut butter in front of someone you fancy and watch in horror as it shatters into pieces and splatters peanut butter chunks on the floor, burst out laughing at your inherent clumsiness, cracking a joke that you should be required to wear double-sided tape on your hands--and then apologize and help clean it up!
5. Build your self confidence. Make an effort to gain a deeper understanding of your self-worth. Replace your worries about what other people think about you with a preoccupation over your own goals, achievements, and progress.
6. Work on changing the inner you. You have to believe that you are special and that no one is better or more important than you, because there isn't.
7. Just let it be. Don't care about it too much, if you feel self-conscious. It will be OK.
Things you can do to help you along the way...
* Take a deep breath. Excuse yourself to the bathroom. Break that focus you're locked into where all you can imagine is yourself.
* Change your self talk from negative to positive. Say "I am a very confident person". Repeat this as often as you can, any time of the day. Find other affirmations that will help boost the way you feel about yourself.
* Look in the mirror each day and say "I love you" out loud to yourself.
* As you read this, don't tell yourself it's stupid. Just don't think someone is better than you. You have so much to contribute, and whether you do or not marks what kind of a person you are.
* Being fake is ugly. Just don't do it.
* When someone criticizes you, take it and don't be mean back. That's what they want.
* Remember, "Always be the first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of someone else," Judy Garland.
* Don't worry about what people think- they're not interested in you as much as you'd think because they are probably worrying about themselves more.
I think confidence tips will come in handy too...
1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down then screw it up and throw it away. Throw away your worries as they say.
2. Ask Your friends which features of you they like and then if anyone tries to chip at you just think of all the compliments your friends give you...
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Boast about it to people, it will make them impressed and make you seem like you have accomplished a lot.
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can fight the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior-they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Look at yourself in the mirror and write down your best features, stop focusing on the negatives. When you feel bad about your looks just look at the list. Don't pick at imperfections, everyone has flaws, you're only human.
8. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.
9. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.
11. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives and they'll be more willing to help you also and you will have more friends to help you out when you're feeling down.
12. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
13. Don't Forget to SMILE :) because a beaming smile says i couldn't give a flying pig.
# Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
# When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
# Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
# Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
# Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
# Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
# Everyone is beautiful in their own way; don't let anyone tell you differently. Remember to tell yourself that you are beautiful every day; even if you don't believe it, one day you will.
# Money, luck, beauty, and all other material things are just an illusion of happiness. It misleads us to believe we will feel excellent if we have these things or have fun, but in the long run, you will discover that while these things aren't necessarily horrible, they are only mere satisfactions. You will realize having the American Eagle jacket, Nike Shoes, or an attractively rich person flirting with you is only a satisfaction, so you in the end you might feel glad you've gotten what you wanted, but you'll want more and more until you reach happiness. It'll be you just running for happiness blindly until you are worn out.
# Happiness is not all about being lucky, attractive, or the best, but rather feeling joyful in yourself, letting go of your insecurities, and having real fun. Sometimes going clubbing is also what the media tags as being the most fun thing, and it can be, but you decide what feels wonderful and happily fun. The reason people also reflect back to their childhood as "the good ole days" is because that's when being the richest or prettiest doesn't count really, and when we were able to release ourselves and have true fun, feeling happy and confident.
# Keep smiling all the time. It will help you feel more confident.
# Say what comes to your mind; since your instinct thought of it, it's probably the right thing for you. Trusting your instinct will provide you with confidence to make the right decision at the right time.
# Practice good posture. Our body posture represents what we are at that particular time. A simple habit that we can learn and implement is to stand and sit correctly. Your proper body posture will speak for you; how you stand sends out a message to the world, and in turn, back to you.
# Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. NO ONE is perfect, not even the models in vogue.
Hope it helps you.xx :)
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A
female
reader, thats_not_my_name  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 hey! i think everyone feels insecure sometimes..i know i do! but something that's important to remember is that sometimes the people who are loud and confident act like this because they feel just as insecure as you. also being the centre of attention isn't always a good thing. i'm sure your opinions of yourself aren't how others feel and i'm sure they would not make fun of you. if you really want to change yourself, make sure it's for the better! don't do things you are not comfortable with just to 'fit in.' change yourself for you and not anyone else! maybe just try to lose some of that self consciousness (not sure that's a word! :s) and be more outgoing, maybe even try and make some new friends over the summer? or maybe you could do something like get a new haristyle or change your wardrobe, something that will give you a confidence boost and make you feel really good. just make sure you are completely happy with the changes you make :) good luck, hope i helped and feel free to message me if you want to talk :) xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, girlygirl2thextreme3 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 I have the same problem. Well, if you DO end up changing eho you are, just make sure you're comfortable with it and it's really who you are. Wouldn't you rather behated for who you are than loved for what you are not? Try different things: find yourself, discover the real you. And if you tend to be a wee bit shy try hanging with the people you consider friends but haven't really talked to all that much so you can feel comfortable around them so you can just be yourself! Good luck!!!!
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