A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i am a female aged 19. iv been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. we have a 3 month old baby. i have always been a bit insecure and have always been paranoid about how i look. since having a baby however things have just got worse. i hate what i see in the mirror even though i have lost all my baby weight. i constantly feel ugly and that everyone i walk past is thinking this even though im always told im pretty. my bf compliments me all the time but i feel he is just saying it. it results in me going out getting blind drunk and really flirting with guys or even kissing them. the attention from other people just makes me feel better about myself as it makes me feel like im actually something. i know it is wrong though.i am constantly comparing myself to every pretty girl that walks past and it makes me feel so low. sometimes i just start crying when i look at myself. i feel that there is something seriously wrong with me and dont know wot to do. can anybody help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): heya girl!
although i havnt had a child, i find myself in your position too! i have been with my boyf for 4 and half years too, and although he tells me im pretty and beautiful i rarley believe him. i sometimes wonder why he would have put up with me for so long.
ive lost weight too, ive had curly hair, straight hair, black, red, brown, blonde. i buy things i return things, but nothing seems to make me happy. when i change my hair colour or cut i do feeel better tho, i feel new and different but it wares off after a while.
when i go shopping or when ever im out, i see other girls-for some reason everyone is looking good! i look at their hair, clothing and face's. every1 seems so beautiful except me. :(
i hate my face the most, i spend loads of money on skin products. dont get me wrong, i havnt got like anything wrong with it, but i just dont feel it looks nice lol. :(
i sound pathetic, i feel pathetic. when guys chek me out i have to run and tell my boyfriend, to let him know other guys fancy me. i want his compliments, but when i get them i feeeeeel crap anyways.
something i have learnt tho, is that, every girl/woman hates something about themselfs. no1 is perfect and everyone uses something such as makeup or hair colour to make themselfs look good.
my friend told me once that if i think im ugly i will feel it. if i think beautiful i will become beautiful. she told me to say thank you to my boyfriend when he says something lovley and told me to tell him i looked good with out him having to say it. she told me to be cheeeky but classy. im listning to her.
many women would envy you tho, you have a lovley baby and youve lost your baby weight-wow! i wish i will looose mine when i have a kid! youre hormones must be all over the place, so i suggest you relax-buy some home facemasks, paint your nails, do your hair in different styles-just pamper yourself because you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!
your a mum now, and you should be confident infront of your child, even the most youngest can pick up on bad vibes.
seriously, i bet you are stunnining and im not just saying it cuz u wrote in-youve probably walked past women tooo and made them cry and made them feeel bad.
love yourself even more than other people such as your boyfriend does. youve had a baby!!! what an accomplishmenttt!! childbirth arghaaa! :)
please remember you aint the only one that feeels crap...i do tooooo!!!!! we all dooo!!!!!! but every1 is beautifullllll anddd remember how lucky u areeeee!!! a boyf and a baby and youve lost weightttttt!!!!! :)
lots of loveeeeeee... and god blesss....
from,
A friendddd who feeeeels the same x x x x x
A
female
reader, -Red-  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Everyone compares themself to everyone else. It's just the way people are in today's society. Let me tell you this now-never in my life have i met an ugly person. Everyone criticizes themselves, so you're not alone there. Hunni, you can go out and have men salivating all over you which would definitly boost your confidence, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it. A little flirt and a dance is ok, but theres really no need to go any farther than that since you already have yourself a bf.
Good luck chica
xoxox
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): You are not ugly. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways...
Look at yourself in the mirror and note down all your good features...
Get your friends to tell you what they like about your physical appearance. Eg. Your lips could be pouty or your hair bouncy and layered...
Listen to your bf's compliments, they will help. And look at your gorgeous creation and see which features he/she has from you and tell yourself that you made something so beautiful.
* If you see someone looking at you, don't take this badly. Take it well and accept that you are a beautiful person, whatever shape or size.
* If you want to, follow a trend. Just don't lose your individuality. Be creative and don't be afraid to add your own flair to it.
* It is natural to feel envious of others. Know that everyone else is thinking the same way at times. Concentrate on yourself and you will feel beautiful.
* Accept others for who they are as well. Just because someone is a different shape, size, or color than you doesn't mean that they don't deserve to have self confidence as well.
* Don't change just because people think you should. If you like wearing glasses, wear em even if people say you should get contacts! If you like your clothes, wear em!
* Be happy with yourself. Forget what anyone thinks about you. Smile and laugh a lot. If you're in school, concentrate on your friends and your school work. Have fun with your life. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. Do what you LOVE.
* Treat yourself! Buy yourself a smoothie, go for a walk in the woods, watch a movie at home with your friends, or read a new book. Do something that doesn't involve how you look.
* Remember that beauty is not just looks, it is personality that most people are concerned with.
* Listen to music that you can actually identify with. Write lyrics. Play an instrument that suits you or one that you fond. Play it loud or put on a song and sing along loudly. You don't have to have a great voice.
* Try not to compare yourself with others.
* When you look in the mirror, smile and stand up straighter.
* Wear and look how you want to. Don't let other people tell you that you don't look good if you feel you look good yourself.
* If someone compliments you because they think you're good-looking or skillful, accept it!
* Never do things to yourself to please other people, do it to make yourself happy. If makeup, clothes, or surgery will really make you feel good about yourself then just do it. Just know your limit, and be completely sure that you are doing all that for you.
* Remind yourself every day that you are important. Write "confidence-boosters" on post-it notes, on fridge magnets, on the bathroom mirror... places you're bound to see it.
* Look for friends who are supportive.
* Love yourself for who you are.
* Just because the opposite sex doesn't seem to pay attention to you, doesn't mean that you are not beautiful.
* Magazines and shows on the television can be extremely superficial. Try to look at less of these. Sometimes what they show is an unnatural sort of beauty that isn't realistic.
* Listen to the song like "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. It will definitely motivate you and make you feel better.
* Be nice to others. The most beautiful person you can ever see with a nasty attitude isn't beautiful at all.
* Be flirty -- it makes you feel good about yourself. Just try it!
* Wear well-fitting, well-made clothes. Clothes that are too small or big and that you have to tug at don't make anyone feel good!
* Throw away your tape measure, give away your bathroom scales and cover up your mirror. It takes the pressure off you by forcing you to think of something else apart from your looks, and eventually looks will seem less important.
* Remember that everyone has their own perception of beauty. God created everyone differently with unique facial features.
* You are beautiful in your own unique way and yes, I mean physically.
* Distract people from what you don't want them to see. If someone is busy being dazzled by your beautiful smile, they won't notice that pimple on your forehead.
* Dance a little. Skip a little. Go where you want to go, do what you want to do. Nobody else will walk on this earth and be exactly like you. No one else will have your experiences in life. Why waste your time hiding in the bathroom or in your room, because you do not believe that you are beautiful?
* Make everything around you beautiful, whether this means decorating your room with nice lights or positive pictures from magazines, having beautiful surroundings will make you feel beautiful too. Decorating can be really fun!
* Remember that everyone has something they don't like about them selves and even if it's more than one thing, it's you and you are beautiful in every way possible.
* You don't have to be the center of attention to be beautiful.
* Read inspirational books. Sometimes these will change your perspective on how you view yourself and others. It will help you feel beautiful inside.
Take these steps...
1. Don't listen to what other people say about you. Not even your very close friends or parents. Tell them, "If you don't like the way I look or am, that is fine with me. I think I look beautiful and that's all that matters." True friends and family shouldn't judge the way you look.
2. Find confidence in yourself. You know you can do this and before going on anything else, your full potential booster is your confidence.
3. Look in the mirror, look at others. You don't look like them, they don't look like you. You're unique. No one else looks like you, the only amazing you!
4. Go through your belongings and remove the clutter. Ask yourself how each object makes you feel. If it reminds you of something unfortunate or brings your energy down in any way, get rid of it, and make space for something new. Trust that what you need will come to you. Shopping is good when you feel it is right, but avoid any compulsive shopping (or other negative behaviors) as it projects neediness, which will reflect on your looks.
5. Let go of all ideas that promise "beauty" and instead aim for health. Trim your hair if it will make it healthy, lose weight if it will make you healthy, use home made skin creams and toners to keep your skin healthy, or eat healthy foods to be beautiful. Respecting your health is a formula for beauty but also for success across the board, and this includes the respect for others. Beauty is a state of naturalness.
6. Spend time with friends and family. Socialize! This will make you socially active, outgoing, and will add character and confidence.
7. Find something that you can do well. It can be a hobby, volunteering, or even your job. There's always something you can do and actually succeed in. Try to co-operate with others, and don't be scared to ask for help. Be useful and productive!
8. Be open to new things and go for it!
9. Be comfortable with yourself. This is you, after all. Plastic surgery doesn't ultimately help self-esteem.
10. Exercise! it makes you feel better about yourself as well as gives you more energy.
11. Be yourself. It shows your own uniqueness, and what is better than that?
12. Be confident about every aspect of yourself and your life!
13. Smile! It'll make you feel and look a lot happier!
14. Don't look at other people and envy them - look at them and think that perhaps they envy something about you. There is always something that you have that someone else doesn't.
15. Find something that is uniquely beautiful. Even while looking at other people you will notice certain parts of them that you find very attractive. Never is a person attractive "all over", and everybody has at least one thing they would like to change about their appearance. Realize that once you have found what you find attractive that you also have something similar unique and attractive that you may just not see. Once you have found it, watch yourself exercising it, using it to your advantage to make you feel good about yourself.
16. Do what you're good at. For example if English is your forte, write essays, or if you're brilliant at sports don't be afraid to play matches.
17. Make a list of who you are and what you like.
18. Do something unexpected that gives you confidence, like dancing in public if you're shy, shopping somewhere you usually wouldn't think of, or dyeing your hair a crazy color.
19. Make a list of compliments you've received from others so that you can look back on it.
20. Find what you think is your best feature and have fun with it. If you really like your hair, try a new hair style, for example.
21. Spend time in a 'happy place'. Spending time with family and friends is an automatic cheer booster, they know and love you for who you are!
22. Embark your day by exclaiming to yourself in the mirror each day when you get up how awesome and beautiful you are. That may seem selfish, but it will help you feel good.
23. You were born in this world for yourself. You were given this life not to get oppressed under the realms of expectations of others but to live each and every day for merely yourself. It is your responsibility to make every cell of your body happy and jovial.
24. Give people around you reasons to make them think that they are beautiful. If you do that to others, it will be returned to you.
25. Being happy can really help you to feel great and be who you are. Even if you are shy and not many people notice you, you will always be beautiful to the people who care about you. Never forget it.
26. Your life is what you make of it. If you make yourself out to be beautiful, then that's the way you live your life, so live you life to the fullest, most beautiful way possible, and that's the way you will feel!
Hope this helps.xx :)
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