A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. recently she has stopped saying I love you as much as she used to. but she's actually increased other things she does for me. like she spends more time with me than before, she does more things for me and she is more honest about things.but i still find it very awkward when I say i love you and she doesn't respond, or does respond but with obvious "i better say it" overtones. I confronted her about it (nicely) and she told me that she understands how i feel but she is starting to think it's "just words" and actions mean much more, and "the fact that I do or don't say it shouldn't be affecting you as much as it is."I told her that it's important to me and means a lot to me, and she says "that makes me feel like I am required to say it, and whenever I feel forced to do something I tend to do the opposite." (that's definitely true, almost all of us follow that pattern for the most part.) I'm not sure what made her feel forced. the only thing I could imagine is that I said I love you first (but over 8 months into the r/s), but she did openly respond at that point. this all happened about a month ago so I decided to just back off a bit on it. but she hasn't said i love you once in the past month. as I said the other things she does to "show" me have consistently increased. but I still feel something's missing because she won't say it. it makes me wonder if there's some deeper fear that she's not able to express to me, maybe some kind of commitment problem or something. but she hasn't ever come out with anything related to that, nor has she done anything other than this that would make me feel that way. she openly talks about us moving in together next year, and even is pretty comfortable talking about a long-term future together...am I just being needy and fucking crazy by feeling like something's missing because she won't say three simple words? I find myself thinking it's stupid and "just words" myself but at the same time when she used to say them to me, it meant something huge to me - not that all of her acts towards me don't say the same thing, but sometimes for me there's nothing better than just hearing those words before going to bed for the night...not sure what to do from here. this shouldn't be a deal breaker but I do find myself feeling a bit off from it...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): I would say that sometimes actions are louder than words. The fact she is spending more time with you and doing more things shows she does either love you or like you a lot.
Sometimes we do just throw the word I love you out in passing and it doesn't mean as much or as heart felt as it used to be.
Ask if she really does love you, then leave it at that.
Michael, from UK
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): I am sorry but in USA you say I love you a lot. I think if she DOES anything for you like a breakfast in bed she is saying I love you with that lovely gesture. If she spends time with you she is saying I love with her time with you. Time is the most important thing in a persons life. We spend time and we do things for people that we love. We dont need to say I love you all the time. See in her eyes,in her actions,in her cares to you. Is she touching you with love? Is she kissing you with love? Is she spending real and loving time with you? Is she helping you? Is she there for you ? This is a way to say I love you,I am here,I care for you, I think you deserve my presence. This is love,a deed,not a word.Yes,you want the words,so say to her as much as you want to hear it. If you feel in your gut that something is wrong,than change it. If not,if you feel love coming through her,accept the ""I love you"" that she can give to you in deeds.
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