A
female
age
30-35,
*aure
writes:Hello all, I would really be grateful if anyone can guide me through this problem I'm facing.Iv met my current fiance 1 year ago, we've started talking and we directly clicked, he's a really really well off business man who is much older than me, but I didn't mind since he seemed like a thoughtful, understanding and loved me way too much, it felt like an obssession.Anyways, after sometime, he asked me to move in, I was hesitant at first but then Ive agreed, I believed its a better way to get to know a person more. Unfortunately, he revealed the true him, a possesive, insecure and scary person. Things started to get weird when he used to lock me up at his villa while he went out for business meetings and sometimes those meetings would extend until 3am! But I kept on acting calm because honestly speaking I liked the way he spoiled me, he would tell me no to anything and i needed that affection since my father had passed away 4years ago, where my family went through a financial crisis, we had debts..Anyways,things got worse as time passed by, he started refusing me to go out with my brother and seeing my girl friends, and driving the car alone, because he was way too jealous and insecure cause wherever we travel to, people always flatters me, they tell him your daughter is too gorgeous! and I have a models body, which made him even act more aggressively towards me, where he started to threaten me if ever leave him and once he pulled me on the ground because I went out with my brother to the beach!! And recently to top it all, I've read some messages from men telling him how much they miss him!!The longer I stayed with him,the weirder things I'm figuring out, he once introduced me to a transexual friend, he claimed he calls her whenever her because she has a good sense of humour and makes every1 laughs !but what is skeptical is that transexual had sat on his lap and told him in front of me: "baby didnt you promise to take me to paris last year!!!!" and he always contacts her and whenever he sees her he gives her money, don't know what kind of relationship they two have but its bothering me..moreover, just yesterday he had received a text from a girl who told him she misses him, and he texted back I miss you too, I hope I'll see you soon and when I confronted him, he was like she's only an employee in a travel agency and she admires me, then I told him that doesn't give you the excuse of replying back, if its morally correct, then it won't be wrong for me to flirt back with my dentist, whom I didn't hide the fact that he likes me from you? isn't it? to sum it up, whenever he abuses me morally or physically, my mom always stands by his side because of course her priority is for me to get the money so we can pay our debts!!! I'm really lost, I have no idea what decision to take, if I left him, my family would suffer a lot and theres no job in the world that could pay for our crisis and if stayed with him, I may be stuck for the rest of my life with a possesive man, whom I doubt he may even be straight and would literally break down, I would spend the rest of my life miserable with him!! So please if anyone could give me a good advice,I'd really appreciate it.Thanks in advance
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debt, fiance, flirt, insecure, jealous, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, cornish1  +, writes (9 April 2013):
call it off-he will control you and you will lose your friends.
A
female
reader, laure +, writes (23 March 2013):
laure is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks cooper,youre 100% right,ive planned to leave him so many times before and whenever i break up with him and return to my mother's place,hell start sending me threats,if i didnt come back hed send some1 to teach me a lesson,i know that hes only talking but hes a powerful man and he always convinces my mom to send me back to him!im like a doll between their hands,directing me the way they want..anyways when ill leave il definitely change my number thats the 1st step and already all the jewels are in a safe in my name in a bank so i dont have to worry from that side.I can make it on my own while waiting and searching for a job,i just need the right timing to leave.
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A
male
reader, LivingWithBadDecisions +, writes (23 March 2013):
 i get where you are coming from but a job is very hard to get and 30k wont last as long as you think. save at least 10k of it and only get a small place. stick to the necessities for a year or so after you leave - no more extravagant living.i think that you probably like getting all of the presents and expensive things but like iamheretohelpyou said if you can plan to leave over the next couple of weeks and take that stuff with you (when hes at work) then do that and dont tell him where you are going just leave a note and the ring saying you dont want to be with him anymore. then pay your brothers tuition.start looking for a job straight after you move out or you will be stranded and rapidly losing money. dont live off what this creep paid for you.Cooper
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A
female
reader, laure +, writes (23 March 2013):
laure is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am here to help you,you're i can leave from now and take everything with me7no he cant sue me,iv studied all of my options,he didnt make me sigh anything,so he simply has no proofs,they're only presents...i have no job yet because he told me id provide everything but my only condition is that you dont work,but i can manage,at least i can sell my 30k worthy rolex and wait till i find a job!Many thanks, you were the only who truly understood my situation!
So very confused,my brother really hates this man&the way he's treating me,and tells me all the time god help you,you're stuck with a psycho person who treats you like one of his pets...but he's kinda understanding what im going through to be set free from my controlling mother!
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A
female
reader, laure +, writes (23 March 2013):
laure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am here to help you, thanks a lot, you gave me the best advice, I'm going to stick around for 1.5years more, and then just leave, just for the sake of my brother to become a dentist.Cmmp, while as for me, I'm not stupid enough to stay with a man whose my father's age and not save some money. I got him to buy me the fanciest car, jewelry which I could sell after I break up with him, in order to make it on my own..Everything is planned up, I don't regret any decision I take in life,because I was able to transform a negative and devastating experience into a profitable one. And calling me a prostitute doesn't really bother me, because you don't know who I really am, can't blame for thinking so. thanks though
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 March 2013):
If you like being a slave/escort then stay with him. Just know that it will only get worse and one day he'll probably get rid of you when you don't look as good as you used to.
Then what? You'll have no money, you'll have suffered his abuse for however long and you will be in the same position as you were in the beginning only older and more scarred.
No offense, but SCREW your mom. She can go be a prostitute if she is okay with you being one. Any mom that puts money before her daughters safety and happiness isn't much of a mom.
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A
female
reader, laure +, writes (22 March 2013):
laure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso very confused,i literally have no one,my mom is a gold digger and she admitted to me that she married my father for his money,but after his death she was stuck with so many bank loans and is making me take all the responsibility!C grant,that's actually my issue,i feel like shes pimping me out by force,but I cant help it,im not a selfish person,plus my fiancé is paying for my little brother's college tuition.Thats why im still hangin on and sacrificing on the expense of my health and life,.Sageold guy hehe im sorry to call u so,anyways youre not getting me,im forced to be with him for certain circumstances!galaqueen,thats exactly what I had told my mother,if you want him so badly,go and get him,but she said with a cold blooded tone that shes old,olad as in his age!!!!55yrs old!anyways thank you all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): basically your mum treats yo like a commodity, using you to pay her debts and your fiance is an ogre, controlling and scary and you're still wondering if you should call things off? I don't think that you will be very happy if you marry this guy, Money does bring happiness because it allows us a lot of freedom, to buy stuff, travel whatever but we should not sell our dignity and compromise our peace of mind because of that, your fiance treats you like his pet this man does not see you as an equal in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 March 2013):
 run for the hills!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I've read through your submittal several times... and can't seem to find any difference between the "life" that you describe with this man, and a long-term contract for a prostitute......
You and he sound like two people whose peculiarities (his insecurity and abuse of you; and your clinginess and gold-digging) are clashing pretty badly and forcing YOU to begin to see what real, adult life is all about....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Even if he would pay your mother's debts (which I doubt), it is not worth you living a life of misery and servitude. Run away from this person, and let the chips fall where they may for your mother. The fact that your mother is basically asking you to prostitute yourself speaks volumes about her priorities.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
He is possessive, he’s insecure and you find him scary. YOU LIVE WITH A MAN THAT SCARES YOU??!!
HE LOCKS YOU UP?
Honey I’m not reading any more… I got to HE USED TO LOCK ME UP AT HIS VILLA and I’m DONE
GO HOME to mom and dad NOW. IN fact, have daddy come get you! NOW.
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