A
female
age
51-59,
*ntrigued3000
writes:I have the opportunity to date a 26 year old man. The problem is that I'm 41. I've never dated anyone that young before. He is hot, sexy and we get along really well together. I'm very attracted to him. He really wants to date me, but I'm being hesitant. The age difference bothers me and I'm not sure if there is a future for us.I'm not sure if I want to get married again (been there done that), and I'm not sure if I want to have kids.I could very well indulge in having a fling with him, but I know I will get attached and risk my heart being broken when he leaves me for someone younger.So that's my fear that he'll eventually leave me for someone younger. I know that no relationship is a guarantee, but I'm still hesitating.The men I've dated so far (my age or older) have been rather boring. I'm quite youthful and vibrant and it's rare to find a man my age who has that kind of energy.Does anyone out there have experiences with dating a younger man? Was it a great experience or a painful one? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (24 March 2013):
Intrigued3000 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your advice.
So Very Confused and Cerberus's advice really resonated with me and helped me to make my decision. We kissed for the first time last night and it was fireworks, the kind I haven't experienced in a very long time. I've been dating quite a lot this year and I've kissed other guys, and it was nowhere near the intensity I felt with him. I think I'm going to take a deep breath and jump in. The worst that could happen is great sex:)))
Thanks again everyone:)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 March 2013):
 I'm sorry but a 26 year old man (I have one of those as a child btw and a 28 yr old) is old enough to make his choice for himself and not to please his MOMMY. If he has a concern that his parents would be disapproving then perhaps he's not mature enough to be dating yet.
I know that the pain of having a 26 yr old bring home a 41 yr old woman (which btw he wouldn't do unless he was serious about you so don't fret there) would be "WAAAA NO GRANDKIDS"
that would be my only sadness.... and I'd get over it.
My father never flinched when I brought my "boytoy" home with me... he takes better care of me than anyone...
...............................
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Don't go there! In your heart you know it's going to a disaster eventually. My son is his age and I'd be mortified if he turned up with a 41yr old woman. I don't think his parents would be welcoming you with open arms either. You are better sticking to your own age group.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Go out on a couple dates and see how you feel and see what his reaction is. It could be fantastic and both of you could build a long and lasting committed relationship. It is always nice to do and share things with a partner. Put your fears aside. Take things one date at a time. Move on at both your speed and your dates speed which you both will feel comfortable doing. A man is a man. I always say treat others how you like to be treated.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 With any luck, you'll get to have a couple of dates (say, 4) with this guy before you will be required to commit the entire remainder of your life with him.....
Enjoy those dates; see what you and he have in-common; see how much you enjoy one-another...... AND, if all is good, at that point, sign on for a few more dates!!!!!!
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
Your not marrying him your dating him. Have fun.
AT 41 I’m going to say that your kid days are close to being over… and to be honest until you two are serious (at least 6 months to a year of “going steady”) it’s not even an issue unless he KNOWS he wants children and can’t live without them, then I’d not even bother because if you fall in love together and he has to leave because you can’t have kids, it will break both your hearts.
You are correct you will get attached if you have a fling… and it might not be worth the risk… have you told him this?
If your fear is that he will leave you for someone younger (and I know that some on this site will say that’s going to happen but in my personal experience that’s not always the case), but he could leave you for someone even older…. Or someone his age… because AGE is not the reason we date.
AHTHY doesn’t grasp the discomfort of being an older woman in this society. It’s way more uncomfortable than being an older man. I know, I’m 53 and my husband is 39. My last husband was only 11 years younger than I am. I’m naturally drawn to younger men I guess.
I have a friend who is in her late 30s I guess and her husband must be in his mid 20s…
I see age gaps of older women younger men working all the time… and it’s good men tend to die 8 years earlier than women…
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Date him OP, he may be younger but 26 is fully formed adult man. OP every man of every age is all those risks you described, age has nothing to do with a future or anything like that.
I'm 9 years older than my fiancée for example and she was 19 when started dating. The only difficulties are the obvious ones. Outside opinion, differing childhoods with zero common cultural experiences like TV shows etc. the uneasiness of social opinion and the obvious difference in maturity.
The only trick is to be aware of those OP, to be casual from the outset with no intention of a relationship and just enjoy your time with him and go with the flow.
OP you've dealt with heartache before, you know you'll get over it again if needs be but every guy is a risk of heart break, every single one. If you enjoy being with this guy then take the chance, and the best advice I can give you OP is to take things slowly emotionally, prepare yourself for the public reaction, understand that hanging out with each others friends is going to be very weird and mostly not possible. But you have no reason not to give it a shot, if it doesn't work out then at least you can say you gave it a shot. So choose, let fear get the better of you or take the chance and have some excitement in your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): He actually wants to date you? Really? I mean take you out and all? Because usaualy with a so much younger men all they want to Do is do a little sex and take of. As far as children, I don't think you are very much fertile anymore. Miracles happen, but at the age even to get pregnant would be a tought one.no, o don't think dating will be grand idea, but a little fling will be nice. Good luck.
...............................
|
