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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 22 plus my boyfriend is 27plus we had been dating getting to 4 years now we both love each other but now I can't tell if he still loves me. Any time I pay him visit now he does things that I felt are not right for us. Now like touching my boobs, breast I refuse to let him.Telling him reasons, but the last time I went to visit was different and worst He tried to force himself on me on his bed without knowing how.I feel he so desperate I refused to let himSo since that visit I have not visited him no more, because I feel he is going to force himself on me on his bed again and I don't want that to repeat itself again, Does he love me or just want to use me to satisfy his sexual needs?It seems I have started to lose interest in that relationship, I’m confused, I want to be alone for now How do I tell him, I feel like ending the relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): If he loved you he would not have forced himself on you. If he loved you but was frustrated or hurt that you didn't want to have sex with him, he would have expressed his pain and unhappiness to you and called the relationship into question. But simply taking from you what he wants without regard to whether you were ok with it or saying that it doesn't matter if you're not ok with it, is a sign of selfishness and lack of care and concern for your well being which means he doesn't love you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): You should break up with him. If you feel uncomfortable around him for any reason, that means he is not the one for you. No man has the right to force himself on you physically when you are obviously saying NO. Not even if he is your husband. "no" means "no." I think one reason you feel uncomfortable around him is because he has shown that he is not a safe person to be with because he can and will use physical force against your will.Yes it is normal for a boyfriend to want to be intimate with his girlfriend. But that want is secondary to the woman's need to feel SAFE and free from assault.If he is getting frustrated and upset that you don't want him to touch you, then the morally right thing for him to do would have been to break up with you because being in a relationship with you was too frustrating to him. It does not give him the right to go ahead and force himself on you, when leaving you to find a more willing partner is a valid option.And now that he has shown he can and will override your need for safety to get what he is desperate for, that makes you feel even more unsafe around him and for good reason. This relationship is over, your boyfriend of all people should be someone you can feel safe around. He should be your protector, not someone who will assault you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 Don't worry..... if you and he have been "an item" for 4 years (!!!), and you are not putting out.... the "relationship" will immolate ALL BY ITSELF!!!!
Good luck with your next B/F.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Hey,
In my opinion if he loves you as a girlfriend he would understand you dont want to engage in anything sexually and he would respect that. Does he do nice stuff for you like take you out? Buy you nice things? The best way to let him no, is to sit him down and be honest with him. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 You should definitely break up with him. I would never normally say that to anyone but in this case I believe it is the only solution. If you have been together for four years, and your refusal to have sex is not due to religious/cultural reasons, then the relationship isn't fair on either of you. You can't go out with a guy for that long and not even let him touch your breasts. Let him go so that he can have sex with someone else and you can find someone else not to have sex with.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (13 March 2013):
 If you have gone off the relationship and don't want to have sex or get intimate with him maybe it is time to end the relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 I agree that, without knowing a bit of background, your post is very confusing, it makes little sense. Because, let's suppose you are from a country and culture that does not condone premarital sex and intimate contacts, and he is supposed to keep his hands to himself. OK, every country and culture have their own rules. But they would be also the countries and cultures where a woman would not go to spend time alone with her bf in his bedroom. Have you agreed before to keep it platonic, and to not touch each other ? And if you did, why don't you just meet outside in public places ?Not to say that he was right to do what he did, " no " means " no " everywhere in every location, and if he tried to throw you on his bed and force himself on you against your will, then it's attempted rape anyway. But, if he is not supposed to ever touch you after 4 years together, - how come you go visit him regularly in his bedroom, I'd say that would be considered very inappropriate too. So , my guess is ( but that's really all guesswork Sherlock Holmes -like, since you told us so little about you ) that it is not inappropriate for you two to have physical contacts, but that you are in LDR, and when you go see him he gives you the impression to only care about the sex. Maybe he does not want to talk, or go out, or cuddle, etc., he only wants ( or he gives you the impression to only want ) sex . Is this what you are complaining about ? If so, it would depend from how's the relatiosnhip in general. If you don't see each other often, yet between viissts you are often in touch, he cares about you, takes an interest in your life, you have regular conversations etc... then well, maybe it's normal, although not very romantic, that he is horny and wants to get down to business right away and keep the social niceties for later. If he sort of ignores you or neglects you, is not attentive, can stay ages without talking to you AND when he sees you he just ambushes you for sex, then yes, that's horniness not love. But, again, that's all guesswork, maybe if you'd tell us a bit more about the circumstances you may get more helpful answers.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 March 2013):
You should have provided more details if you wanted better answers. Have you guys ever had sex? Is he allowed to touch your breasts under any circumstances? Either way, whether he's doing anything wrong or not just break up with him. You two are obviously not right for each other. By the way, it's perfectly acceptable for someone who loves you to also want to have sex with you. That's how children are born. You're also allowed to keep away from sex if that's what you want. But don't go thinking that just because he wants to touch your boobs and have sex with you that he's "just using you for sex". That's an immature way of thinking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): I'm confused too OP, you're together 4 years and he's not allowed to touch your boobs?I'm also confused about the forcing you situation. Because frankly if you think touching a boob is so wrong then your interpretation of "forcing" may be just that he was persistent and not actually being illegal about things. I've been persistent with women lots of times, too handsy, getting caught up in my horniness but I always respected them if they downright refused and then I'd back off. If that's all he did then I don't think he deserves the inevitable backlash the female aunts will no doubt give him.The simple fact is OP, it sounds like after 4 years the guy is getting desperate, you don't want him touching you in any way sexually. Why is that?You do need to end the relationship OP because even if he was persistent he should know your wishes and respect them. You're simply in a romantic relationship with a man who wants sex and you won't give it to him so you're simply not suited to each other OP and it's better you find a guy who doesn't like touching boobs or having sex for the same reasons as you don't.If it's a cultural thing in your country then you'll have no problem finding another guy who will wait for marriage. But this guy is not that guy, he has crossed a line with you he knew he shouldn't and that's reason enough to move on, but another reason is he's simply not able to contain his frustrations anymore.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (13 March 2013):
 HI Don't worry about how he will feel worry about your saftey.This would be classed as attempted rape. Stay away from him, and if he trys to make contact again tell him you will inform the police if he comes near you again. He is not a man he is a selfish pig!!! no REAL man would EVER force himself on a woman. Please don't go back to him, even if he crys ands says his sorry that is no excuse. If you take him back next time he might get even worse!! If it were me I would tell the police now, it's appauling what he did.Mandy x
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