A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im torn between two men, one a boyfriend of 5 years whos great but i just don't think im inlove with him, but hes such a good man and so good to me i don't think its a good idea to give him up! Then another man who im just friends with but we have kissed and slept together, realised we made a mistake.....but now ive become kind of obsessed with him, hes not as keen as he once was.....i think its coz hes giving me space to sort out what im doing with my boyfriend.....can i break up with a good man just becoz i dont know if he is the one? This has been going on for two months im so confused! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I agree with Kc100 all the way. Great advice. Couldnt have said it better myself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Well there are a couple reasons you can break up with this good man: You cheated on him! If he is a good man as you say, then he didn't deserve that! And also, i've been around this site answering questions and there are oh so many people coming on here miserable because they realized they married their best friend but they're not in love. If you're not in love with him, then it's time to stop dragging him along for your ride of indecision and unfaithfulness. You think being dumped hurts.. try being dragged on the back bumper for five years first. You say he's a good man and he's so good to you so you don't think it's a good idea to give him up. Are you using him then? I'm not sure.. you're not in love with him and you're obssesed with another man, yet you're still with your bf because he's "good to you." It doesn't sound right to me. Bottom line: you don't want to be stuck in a loveless marraige. It will be miserable and you will only end up cheating on him again. Start thinking about the good of your boyfriend and break up wiht him for his sake at least. ~SY.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 June 2009):
 You cheated on your boyfriend which is a clear sign that you are not happy and your boyfriend is not giving you what you need. And even if you still cant decide who you want, you should do the right thing and end things with your boyfriend. He doesnt deserve to be cheated on and lied to, its not fair on him. If he is such a great guy then he deserves better right?
You are in a classic predicament, you have the safe, loving, stable boyfriend who you have been with for a long time and then along comes sexy new guy who makes you feel things you havent felt for ages. You are unsure if you should leave the boyfriend because you are worried no-one better will come along, and that no-one will be as good to you as he has been.
But you cannot stick it out with your boyfriend because he is safe and comfortable. Its like changing your hairstyle - you might have had a hairstyle for years and years and think it suits you, but deep down part of you would like a change and wants to see what you look like with short, funky new hair. So are you brave enough to cut your hair short? Or do you stick with the safe style you have always known?
I think you know the answer to that one! Leave the boyfriend, and be single for a few months. There are plenty of great guys out there, I promise. You might think that your boyfriend is great but what is life without passion and excitement?
I have been in the same situation - I left my safe and wonderful boyfriend of 2 years for a new exciting guy. Guess what, it didnt work out with new guy! But I am single now and so glad I didnt stay with my boyfriend, I just didnt get that passion and excitement from him and it was unfair to him to stay with him just because it was familiar and I was happy. While I do miss him, I miss him more because he was my best friend rather than my boyfriend. So all in all I made the right decision, and I think you need to do the same.
Dont rush into a new relationship, you will only find out that the other guy doesnt come close to your boyfriend and feel deflated and scared about the future. The best thing you can do is be single and have some fun, you have been in a long relationship and you need some time to be yourself! It is hard and you will hate being alone at times, but once you get over that part you will realise how liberating it is to be single and just to focus on what you want to do in life without worrying about what your partner wants/needs too.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinkbump +, writes (18 June 2009):
well if thats the way you feel then am sure at some point things will fall apart, so yes I think you should just end it. you shouldnt be with someone just because there a nice person, there should be more than that! if you do break up with him I wouldnt exactly run to the other guy either, if hes interested let him come to you! and if he dosent then I wouldnt waste my time.
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