A
female
age
41-50,
*aloholiday
writes:Ok so here it is. I met a guy and I started to like him alot. I am older than he is by 4 years. I am 29, he is 23 going on 24. It took him awhile to figure out that I liked him. I finally had to tell him. We were just friends for about a month until very recently. I've held back strong feelings the entire time. Apparently so did he but he had no idea he had a chance with me. As I said before, I finally admitted my feelings last week. To my surprise he was shocked and told me that he would have asked me out right then and there BUT he was contemplating seeing another woman. This other woman is a girl he used to date in highschool. He said he never forgot her and that just recently he found her again via facebook. So as my luck would have it, they started planning a date to see one another again after all these years for this week. He told me last week that he didn't think it was right to see two people at once and that basically he was pretty sure she was gonna be the one he started seeing. Well I recently hung out with him and things got very confusing. We not only spent the entire day together but we slept together for the first time and he's been texting me ever since telling me that I am incredible and he can't stop thinking about me. I am pretty sure he is the one I want to be with in my life right now. The chemistry is beautiful, we have an amazing thing together but in the back of my mind I can't be entirely happy about what happened because I remember what he told me last week. I keep hoping that when he DOES finally go out with her this week that he realizes the whole thing was a silly fantasy and that I'm the real deal. I told him that people change a lot from highschool after adulthood. I know this might confuse things for him ever more but it could also show him that he likes me more.My question is basically just me wanting to know if from the outside I appear foolish for sleeping with him or if I made the right move so that she won't get with him instead? I am so worried that he's gonna choose her regardless of what we felt and I am gonna end up very hurt and rejected. Should I stop seeing him until he knows for sure or should I keep at it so he realizes I am better? Is he just chasing a dream from the past or is it possible he really never fell out of love with someone he hasn't seen in 7 years? Any input would help. Thanks.
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female
reader, haloholiday +, writes (21 May 2009):
haloholiday is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason I feel it's fair for him to go forth with the date (if he does indeed do so) is because he planned it before he knew I had feelings for him. It was just odd timing. By the time I confessed my feelings and he confessed his he had already set up a time to see her again. He thought he never even had a chance with me. I don't expect him to cancel because of what happened. In fact I kinda want him to get it over with in hopes that he will see that she's no big deal. I think he may have been lonely and just started looking back on a time he didn't feel so alone. People change in that amount of time and YES I do agree that the SAME reasons that broke them up before will pop up again and that going backwards in life is not always healthy. I did tell him this and didn't push the issue further.
Thanks for the input!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 well hun this is very confusing i mean i don't think you're foolish at all for sleeping with him.
but the fact he's saying he thinks she's the one he's going to end up being with is unfair because it's like he's just reliving the past and not thinking more on the future.
i mean he's slept with you regardless of what he told you i mean he's actually said he thinks she's the one he'll end up with... and that's unfair on you because if he feels like that then why is he still building up your hopes?
i'd leave it for a while until he does actually know whom it is he wants i mean i hope it is you hun! i really do.
he just thinks that his past girlfriend and him will be together when thigns couldn't work ou like that i mean i'd never go back to a past boyfriend would you?
i mean they broke up for a reason and that reason will never go away it'll always be there and no doubt arguments that reason will ALWAYS come back up.
give him sometime to sort out his head hun.
he's obviously still a bit confused by it all and isn't sure what he wants he's holding out the hope that him and his ex will be together again but also wanting to hold onto you for the future.
if he doesn't know what he wants best keep at bay for the time being
hope this helps you :)
chin up and best of luck to you.
x
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (21 May 2009):
 i think you should lay low for a while but dont dissapear. stay on the radar he might just want to see if he missed anything. give him time, if he wants to see this girl a few times let him and be supportive. dont be a bitch and smack talk about this girl, but you dont seem like this kind of girl. just go w/the flow.
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