A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and I had an argument over a lie I told her and had a huge fight! She quit talking to me. I tried talking to her but she was so angry she cussed at me and told her to not speak to her ever again. Then over the course of a few weeks (once a week) I sent her an apology ecard, a letter, and a playlist of some of her fav songs. I thought surely it would help her and she wouldn't be so mad. Later I find out she told one of her friends Everything I did and told her and said that I was bothering her. It hurts me so much that she would tell her friend something that in a way is private! I also kind of find it disrespectful. I'm just wondering what all of this means and if I should bother being her friend, and if she was a friend if she'd say mean things and tell her other friend what I said Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 I completely agree with Caring guy here, he has said everything exactly how I would have said it, at the end of the day you have broke her trust and yes you have tried to make it up to her, but I think what you need to do now is to leave her alone, it seems that she needs space away from you at the moment. Maybe in the future she may forgive you, but for now it is not going to happen, so you just need to learn from your mistake the hard way and carry on with your life. She is still hurt and angry at the moment and anything you do or say she is not going to listen. Hopefully in time you can both try and build a friendship again but that is her decision to make.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 October 2011):
I don't know what the lie was, but you hurt her very badly for her to effectively cut you out like this. The price of lying to someone and hurting them this badly, is that they get the power to take entire control of this situation. She had the power to either listen and forgive, or to cut and run. She chose to cut and run and I think even with all your work to make up to her, you have to now back away and accept that she doesn't want you as a friend right now.
As for her telling her friend, she had every right to tell her. A real friendship is built upon trust, care and honesty. Why would she lie to another friend about what is happening in her life? Was it not a lie that ruined your own friendship with her? Perhaps she simply didn't want to make a mistake.
And it's not really disrespectful either. After all, she merely told the truth to her friend. You were the one that lied, and that makes you the more disrespectful when everything is taken into account.
For what it's worth, you did do the right thing by doing all that stuff for her. It does take nerve to apologize as much as you did and mean it. But sometimes and apology isn't enough in life. This is one of those times. You did try, and that shows that you're a good person who just made a mistake. Now you have to learn from that mistake and make sure you're honest in the future.
Should you be her friend or bother with her anymore? I don't think that's up to you. It's up to her, and she seems to have made her decision. She clearly wants little to do with you now.
Be brave, accept that this is messed up and make friends elsewhere. And don't make the same mistake again. You've found out the harsh way that lying gets you nowhere in the end.
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