A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girl friend had a 6 month relationship in HS where the did some kissing and heavy petting (she stroked him, he touched her down there, etc) - a few times. Then she met this jerk that had her give him a couple BJs (forced her head down), and had brief 1st time sex with her. When we met, she said she had never been in love, and never felt any sexual desire before fulling around with me. Never aroused, never got wet, never wanted to do any thing , never felt anything. She said she wanted to believe that they were interested in her, but that later she realized she was being used. Things moved too quickly, and she was not asked and did not stop them from intercouse once, and she was pressured to give the BJs - which she thought were rough and discusting. Should I believe this? Does it make sense? Is it possible? It does not seem possible to me that she could not be interested in being sexual with these guys, and turned on by these guys. I just want to know if I should trust what she is saying, or if she is just trying to play mind games to make me thing I am better. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the great advice - I appreciate it very much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): What does it matter? You sound just like my boyfriend, always questioning my past, thinking that I got aroused by other guys before him. And what would that mean? Even if I, or your girlfriend would have been, what difference does it make to being with you?Yeah, love is a ton more important! She said she had never been in love, trust her on this. She loves YOU. You're the first guy she loves. Don't you think that's a ton more special than if she did or didn't get aroused by other guys before?Don't make this a huge issue! It's like if she made an issue of you watching porn, or you thinking other girls are attractive, or hell, over YOUR past! Would you feel good every time she asked you these questions?I know I don't when my boyfriend does. To get back at him, I nag him about his exes even though I don't care one bit about them, just to make him see how annoying and hurtful it can be. He doesn't like one bit that I question him about them.And by the way, have you ever been aroused by another girl before your girlfriend? Yes? Then what does it matter if she did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): I have a similar situation, however, I never had nor do have any doubts about what my wife told me. My wife wanted to be a virgin until marriage or until she at least met someone she knew she loved and wanted to be with forever. Well, she did wait until she met me, and has only been with me.
However, in HS, she did date other guys, and 2 in particular she dated for a while. The one guy she dated over a year and she felt she had to give him sexual release since she was his girlfriend, it was kind of like pull his pants and underwear down and stroke him until he came. She called it 'very clinical' and she had no feelings for him whatsoever, it was just kind of expected for her to do that as his girlfriend. The second guy she dated for about 6 months, and she never loved him nor trusted him (if fact they broke up because she wouldn't have sex with him and she caught him screwing his ex-girlfriend). However, my wife did admit that relationship was very sexual in nature, he was about 4 years older and according to him 'very hot body and large penis'. She would strip him naked and give him oral sex.
I can't see any reason why your girlfriend would tell you any of her past unless she really does care about you and wants to be with you, not someone from her past, so I would believe her, I don't think she's playing a game, but would you believe her if she said she never dated another guy in her life? No, it was just HS fooling around dating, nothing serious and nothing to worry about. Enjoy your relationship with her and look to the future, not the past.
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A
male
reader, wetsneakers  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 Here's what I think: She's with you now and that's all that matters. Quite simply though her past belongs to her. If she's shared some of her bad experiences with you it demonstrates she trusts you and she wants you to understand where she's coming from. You should do your part and demonstrate to her that she can trust you by accepting her side of the story.
If you want to do yourself a favor too you can stop thinking about her with other guys and instead concentrate on making memories (ahem ya memories that's what I meant) of you and her together!
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 Why would she want to make you think you're better than you are? Trust me, feel complimented, flattered and stop wondering if she's lying! You have no reason to distrust her.
If she never felt comfortable with any of them and felt like she was being used then yes, it's extremely likely she never felt any sexual desire or arousal around them. and should respect that, and you should even feel a little bad for her! because look at the things she did without ever having the desire to do it - being forced to give a blow job is not a nice thing.
The fact that she is telling you how comfortable with you she is should make you feel blessed and happy and more willing to believe her. * (the net messed up and sent that early * stop worrying, and just be happy that you're a nice enough guy that she does feel sexually interested in you and you make her feel good rather than forced or pressured into things. Just enjoy knowing how much she likes you :)
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (6 February 2009):
Why would she want to make you think you're better than you are? Trust me, feel complimented, flattered and stop wondering if she's lying! You have no reason to distrust her.
If she never felt comfortable with any of them and felt like she was being used then yes, it's extremely likely she never felt any sexual desire or arousal around them. and should respect that, and you should even feel a little bad for her! because look at the things she did without ever having the desire to do it - being forced to give a blow job is not a nice thing.
The fact that she is telling you how comfortable with you she is should make you feel blessed and happy and more willing to believe her. S
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A
male
reader, Oriol +, writes (6 February 2009):
It's time to leave the past the past. it does not make a difference if you believe her or not. you and your girl friend will never be happy he if you continue to live in the past. just love her for who she is. just remember in love you take your chances...
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