A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend dumped me three times and it's been one year since she dumped for the third time for small reason. I have heard that girls always find nice guys easy target to be dumped and retaken , is it true? If it's true, than why not should I convert myself into a total jerk to have upper hand in future relationship? I would appreciate if someone would like guiding me on this!Thank you all in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Please once and for all dump your girlfriend. Don't put up with her stupid, childish emotional tantrums where she dumps for everytime she feels like it. Find a nice, decent girl and you won't have to change yourself.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Chicks don't like assholes because they're mean and abrasive, they like them because they're confident and outgoing. Girls like consideration and kindness, they just like confidence more - enough, in many cases, to put up with all kinds of nasty behaviors just for the chance to date a confident, socially savvy guy.
There is a strong selection bias in confident and outgoing men - confident, outgoing, assertive, dominant *nice guys* get snatched up quick, and then *stay* in their relationships. When girls find these perfect men, they hold on tight and don't let go. A nice but confident man will date very few women in his life just for that reason.
When a confident, outgoing, assertive, dominant *douchebag* hits the dating scene, they bounce from girl to girl leaving broken hearts in their wake. They will sleep with and date many, many women in their life.
So even if confident nice guys outnumber confident jerks by a big margin, you'll hear more stories from more girls about the jerks. They get more mileage.
Jerks don't get girls if they're introverts, any more than nice introverts do.
Go out, be confident and assertive. Talk to strangers. Be willing to disagree with people or say the wrong thing without shame. Don't apologize for anything. Enjoy life, enjoy yourself. In other words, learn to stand out socially, above and beyond your peers. After you master that, decide if you want to be a nice guy or an asshole. Neither choice is balanced, but one is less unwise.
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A
female
reader, Quirkay  +, writes (2 May 2011):
I agree with Chigirl completely - would add, though, that learn from this relationship - I don't think you can ever go back to a relationship - I have tried in the past and it has never worked. Whatever has gone wrong, remains wrong - start afresh, learn from your lessons, but don't go into the next or subsequent relationship(s) with the attitude that it will happen again - or that you need to dump them.
Everyone has a past, present and future and the best advice is to learn from the past, be happy in the present and look forward to the future. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 The question is simple: do you want a relationship that is all about who's got the upper hand and where the partners hurry to see who dumps the other first?
Nice girls get played as well, this isn't a boy versus girl problem. There are nice people out there, and there are nice people who aren't right for us, and then there's plain bad people as well.
You are a nice guy looking for a nice girl to have a wonderful and happy relationship. Right?
If you turn yourself bad and bitter and try to get some upper hand or worse, you will never have that nice girl by your side.
So take your pick, stay true to who you are and open your heart to the next girl that comes along, and remain hopeful, but risk getting hurt. Or, grow bitter and a jerk, ruin some nice girls heart, and have crappy relationships. Which one sounds best?
It is not true that girls like to use and abuse nice guys. But it is true that some people are egoistic and self centered and will step on others to get what they want. Find the right girl, a girl who isn't selfish, and your heart will be safe.
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