A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a new relationship after having been single for nearly 5 years. My past relationships were very passionate but unstable and co-dependent. I was a needy teenager with a lot of problems, and I was treated badly by a guy I then refused to give up on while he strung me along for years.This new guy is such a lovely person. I don't know if I've ever met anyone so kind. He seems besotted with me and I think I am falling for him too, though so far we haven't used the "L-word". I just love being with him, and going even a couple of days without seeing him feels wrong. I feel comfortable and able to be myself with him and that's not something I've really experienced with past boyfriends.However I'm scared the lack of drama in this relationship might make everything become a bit same-y. I'm terrified of becoming bored, messing things up and hurting him. It already feels like we've known each other for years. Everything feels very normal and balanced. Our sex life is good and we are constantly exploring new things (it's his first sexual relationship and the first for me where I've felt comfortable enough to experiment) but I still feel like we've missed the honeymoon period or something. Is this what adult relationships are meant to be like? Am I crazy for being a little underwhelmed by a perfectly lovely stable relationship?
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female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (6 November 2015):
 Everything sounds good, you dont have to worry about it at all. But if youre worried about being bored, maybe its time to look into yourself and wonder why you make this assumption? Try remember all the drama in your life and think real hard if you want that back or the adult relationship you have with the new guy.
If sex is great, spice it up more and bring excitement into that if that is what you crave. Or DO exciting things with him to use up that energy you want to expel (run on a night out together, see a new show, talk about things you have never talked about, explore new sights/sounds/taste together). Just keep it exciting with new activities and the passion will be there, it just needs to be stirred between you guys. Good luck
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 November 2015):
 I have always been the calm, "boring" one in the relationship while men told me they were not used to it, without the drama. I still feel there's a honeymoon period in all of my relationships. There's an excitement of seeing each other when dating, then when I got married that excitement is gone, but it's not a problem. What you are missing may be guys who come on too strong and then your relationship burned out. They have unrealistic expectations of a relationship then get disappointed. Or they promise things and never deliver. People who are more realistic would like to take things slow, so you have time to develop a deep stable connection.
Now that you know healthy relationships are drama free, you should stop the temptation of creating drama, making him feel jealousy or insecurity as signs that he loves you.
I think it's great you are falling for him. There are psychology theories which say that if you grew up with cold, neglectful or abusive parents, then this is what you will be attracted to. Maybe that's why you don't feel your relationship is natural to you. Trust me, you would be better off underwhelmed at first, then overwhelmed in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji  +, writes (5 November 2015):
 You seem like you don't know how to act cause it's new to you. You're worried about messing up cause it seems too good to be true. In fact, it seems as if you are in the honeymoon period, and I think you should really appreciate it and don't overthink it cause it sounds like it's going really good. Don't worry about the arguments, they will come in due time. But until then enjoy the relationship you're in and go with the flow.
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