A
female
age
41-50,
*rixiespixies69
writes: i caught my boyfrend who is older then me, (I'm 31 he's 49 ) putting an ad on match.com. I'm not sure what to think of it. i know he does have issues about getting older.( he's ordered wrinkle cream, etc.) I've confronted him about it, and he said that it was just to see what was out there? his 49th. birthday was approaching . He dosen't even understand what he did was so bad.should i be worried that that this might be a clue that cheating on me is in the future? he swears just like all guys that he will never cheat on me. even more recentley he went home to pa. from california to visit his mom, and I've discovered ( by snooping) that he has seen his ex-girlfriend, I;m not sure thay had sex , but they certainley spent time together alone. we've been together almost 4 years, we live together. i consider him my best friend. I'm so confused.
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best friend, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Kick him to the kerb and find someone else!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): He has a profile on a DATING site.
He is secretly seeing his ex-girlfriend.
He SAYS he won't cheat on you but he already lied about seeing the ex-girlfriend (intentional lie of omission).
You need to wake up and smell the coffee.
If he is not having an affair its not because he isn't trying to. Yes he is on the prowl. Yes you have your head in the sand.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 I think the only thing you can do now is to ask him outright if he feels that your relationship has gone as far as it can or what does he truly feel for you as you are confused and hurt over all of this?
If he comes back without the answers you need to hear then the ball really is within your court and only you can decide whether you want to stay in this relationship or not.
The one thing I just fear for you is being hurt and that just isn't right, I know you made promises from the beginning but sometimes these can be a little blurred at times and I am just cautious for you I guess.
I wish you well and if you ever need to chat then you know where I am OK.
Your never alone so don't be afraid to ever ask for advice, you only got my opinion on this and I am sure that the other aunts and uncles have their own opinions.
Stay strong though and always be independent as we become too dependent on others sometimes that can be financially and emotionally.
Take Care and wish you ever bit of luck as well.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, trixiespixies69 +, writes (9 March 2008):
trixiespixies69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind advice,and yes we both promised to commited and faithful to each other. as a matter of fact neither one of us wanted to be in a relationship with lies, as we were in previous relationships. we said that if either one of us wanted out, that we would be up front about it. in all other aspects he's always been a man of his word, about everything else with me and whoever he usually gives it to.
i guess that's why i'm so confused.
again thank you very much!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 March 2008):
Sweetheart normally your gut instincts aren't wrong I'm afraid. If he was happy in his relationship with you he wouldn't be putting his details up on a dating site.
The alarm bells are already ringing for you and that is never a good sign.
He is reaching an age where he feels this is his last chance to prove himself as a man and the milestone of 50 is fast approaching, hair loss cream and all is really the fact that he has these insecurities and seeing his ex when he went to visit his mum could also mean other things too.
How would he feel if you decided to put your details on a dating site? Bet he wouldn't like it.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander so don't sit back and just let this happen to you.
OK so you live together, has he promised to be with you and make any sort of committment, apart from living under the same roof?
You need to think about what you want out of life and staying with someone when the relationship is not great is not the answer, think about what your future holds.
Do you want to settle down and have a family? These are questions you need to ask yourself as staying with someone who possibly doesn't want that could be wasting your time as you are still young enough to live a very good life with someone who puts you first and isn't out there putting there details on a dating site.
Don't be a door mat that is all I am saying.
You need to find lots of inner strength and decide what you want for a change and don't always put his needs first, he is the one with the insecurities so think about what your life could be like if you just keep your mouth shut and put up with whatever he wants to do.
He could end up dating other women and not telling you and bringing any sort of disease home to you. Don't let yourself be used is my only advice.
Been there and done it and will never let myself be someone's safety net for their insecurities so I have found my inner strength and only want to share my own experiences with others.
Once a man looks online and says he is only looking, it normally spells trouble.
Always here for you though so never be afraid to talk to any Aunt or Uncle OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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