A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am Bi and my gf is straight. We have been dating now for some time, and things are going really well. We are both kinky and enjoy the occasional addition of an extra guy. I know you must be thinking so here we go...Well we have had extra guy before; however, these are not full fledged three some...the guy helps us do a role play, and hold her down while we do our business. She, like many other girls I know, loves to have a forced sex fantasy played out. With or without a another guy she always has fun, about 4 to 7 times as much fun compared to my one (if you know what I mean).So our sex life is pretty awesome. We add the occasional guy for spice. So we added a bi-curious guy here recently that we both thought was extremely hot. So the night progressed with a super hot passionate fun time, (flavored condom--safe fun). We both did oral with him, and he did oral with me, and I did oral with her, and she did oral with both him and me. It was super hot and amazing. When we were all done we all compared hickies, and then he left. We are all semi-friends. The problem comes from; it has been three days and she hasn't stopped talking about it or him. Yes, since it was passionate we both have soar necks, but should I start to get worried? She keeps talking about how big his hands were, how nice his ass was, and she can't wait to do it again (don't think that hand size means bigger). Well the guy and I stack up pretty much the same downstairs, with me a little ahead (no pun intended). I have started getting the feeling that she was falling for him, should I be or is this just the night's passion talking? I thought fast after a few days and said, "What does it mean when a person wont stop talking about someone; does that mean they like them?" She replied, "No that means that someone had a good time." Of course I asked what she meant and used a friends name and said I thought she was falling for her best friend since she won't stop talking about him.I quickly used what she said to flip the script and asked her what she meant. She said well I have been acting weird all day. I have been so laid back today and we had spent the whole day going out and shopping (what she loves best). Before I asked my questions, she also had said that she would only want to have another guy join at the most once a month (at the most). With this guy she was wanting him to come back in a few days. Yes he is hot and yes he paid both of us attention and his being involved increased the passion, but should I be worried? So after all of that here are my questions:1. Why would she quickly (somewhat defensively) say: "No that means that someone had a good time."? 2. Does the first question mean she was thinking about it too much?3. How should I go about retaining a open communication without setting off her defensives.4. I know it was good time; however, do you think her willingness to do it so quickly is because she is enjoying the excitement of use both being with him or is she mostly wanting to do something with just him? 5. She tells me, "You know I only love you, right?" I do know that, because she had to wait so long to get me. Because I have been hurt before by women so I told her that, "if we ever start to fall for someone we are playing with then we need to tell the other person, and we need to step away from our play toy as to make sure we don't loose sight of our relationship." She of course quickly asked me if I would let her know if I was falling for him, which (without arguing) replied I made the statement that we need to do that, so my saying yes comes attached to the statement itself. I quickly told her that I would def. let her know, and she said the same. She at that point was acting as if she was scared that I was going to admit some attraction to him, but I haven't been the one talking about him constantly. SHOULD I BE WORRIED, OR JUST GO WITH THE FLOW?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 1. she knows what you are thinking and can read you like a book (being a woman)
2. she probably is but it sounds like she is a very thrill seeking personality that loves stimulation and talking about it might be providing her with stimulation when she is bored.
3. stop talking about it so often or you will cause what you dont want to become a reality, suggestion is powerfull and self fulfilling propehcy is in sociology textbooks because it exists.
4. again she is a person who loves stimulation and attention, that much is very clear. this is not a crime
5. you cannot help being worried but worry is unproductive, mild concern is however a good thing and i would only go with flows that i was comfortable with. it sounds like your baggage may be why you are attempting to sabbotage a good relationship you have so you can then claim that "you always get hurt" or whatever. dont be a fool she does love you but is easily impressed by anything new as are all humans. once the novelty dies down she probably will start talking about shoes.
just because she had to wait to get you does not mean she values you less now that she has you. remember that, as the signs are good it just seems like too much new stuff is happening to keep up with your emotions so slow down and grab the reigns.
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): honey, you two have opened up a real whole other world here! It's dangerous, it's exciting, and from the moment you made a conscious decision to cross that sexual boundary, you basically signed up to all the risks involved.
Of course there's every possibility that she is becoming intensely attracted to this guy. Can you blame her? As you've said, the sex was 'super hot and amazing', she came 4 or 7 times (were you keeping count?)and you both find the guy extremely hot. Of course she can't get him out of her mind! Of course she's dying to do it again as soon as possible and go as deep as this can get!
But it's bothering you...why exactly? It seems to be because her lust for this man is something that makes you feel threatened, in some way inferior. In an relationship like the one you have, that should only become a problem for you if she wants sex with him and WITHOUT you. So far, there's no suggestion that she's thinking of taking it outside your agreed three-way thing, no evidence that she wants you out of the equation.
So for now, why not just enjoy it to the absolute maximum? Look at the positives: you have a girl who loves you, and has said so. You have an incredibly sexy man you can both enjoy. You have a potentially delicious, kinky adventure set in motion...enjoy it, and see where it takes you!
Practise safe sex at all times when vaginal or anal sex is involved, be considerate of one another's needs and feelings, savour her every orgasm as much as you can, and enjoy the guy-on-guy action to the fullest. As long as you're all consenting adults who want to do this, there's nothing wrong. The worst that can happen is her becoming exclusively sexual with him and cutting you out of the equation, but that doesn't sound like a live threat at the moment.
Have fun, and I hope it works out beautifully for all three of you.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (12 May 2009):
 hun she clearly loves you
i think she is just loved the fact there was two guys in volved paying her attention and also giving you both attention.
there isn't anything to be worried abou.
she just obviously loves the idea of having two guys with her and giving equal amounts of pleasure to one and all.
she's just still probably really excited and wanting more.
not wanting less of you.
hope this helps.
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