A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I really like my new boyfriend but my only problem is that I know he liked my sister once upon a time. They were in the same year at school and used to walk home together a lot. In fact I saw them snogging once outside our house. This was about 4 years ago when they were in Year 11. I can remember my Mum and Dad probing her at the dinner table whether or not they were going out but she insisted they were just friends.Fast forward 4 years and I happen to bump into him in a bar. We recognized each other straight away and hit it off. Two months later we're boyfriend and girlfriend and I'm really pleased. I was worried about how my sister would react but she isn't bothered in the slightest. She has a long-term boyfriend of her own and is really happy for us both.So everything should be fine right? Only my stupid brain can't help but feel paranoid instead of enjoying it properly. Yes I know for a fact he fancied her and they kissed but it was years ago. We literally met each other by chance so it's not like he would have ever seen this coming. I don't even really look like my sister so it's not like he could compare me looks-wise to her. He hasn't done anything to warrant how I feel and I know deep down likes me for me. Yesterday he came round and my sister was there and they just chatted and had a laugh as two old friends would do. And why wouldn't they? It's all completely innocent.How can put I these stupid thoughts to bed? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 August 2021):
 Have YOU never liked anyone before dating your boyfriend? I am sure you must have had crushes on guys at school, even possibly had a kiss and a grope with one or two? Do you think of them when you are with your boyfriend? Of course not.
You give yourself all the logical reasons why there is no reason to worry. Unless you meet someone who is a particularly slow starter, they will all have had a bit of "history" with someone.
So your boyfriend had a bit of a "thing" with your sister 4 years ago when they were still effectively children. Presumably it didn't last long and they have not been together since then. They decided not to pursue a relationship together as they were young and, possibly, just not right together. At that age it is probable they just grew apart. Have they both had other casual partners since then? Their "relationship" - such as it was - is probably a lot more significant to you than to either of them.
Your sister is happy with her new boyfriend. She wishes you both well. She is obviously not interested in your boyfriend as anything but a friend.
Have you spoken with your boyfriend about this? Perhaps you could suggest that, when you feel insecure, you tell him and he provides a reassuring hug/cuddle/kiss to show you that YOU are what is important to him now, not your sister?
Don't let the past spoil your future. When doubts creep into your mind, replace the negative thoughts with happy ones of you two together, something nice he said or did, a special moment you shared. Train your grain not to dwell on things which make you unhappy and insecure.
A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (17 August 2021):
 Dont worry to much. My sister and I had a switch with boyfriends many topines over the years. We eventually settled with the ones we loved with no complications.
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A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (17 August 2021):
Dont worry to much. My sister and I had a switch with boyfriends many topines over the years. We eventually settled with the ones we loved with no complications.
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