A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Myself and my girlfriend are in our thirties and have been together happily for 3 years, living together for the last two.About a year ago she made a new male friend through a mutual friend. At first I didn't mind, but he lives in a different city, and she has now been to visit him numerous times.I completely believe her when she tells me they are only very good friends that share a strong bond, but it still makes me upset. She often tells me that she loves me, and we got engaged before all this happened, I don't want to lose her, but I know if I asked her to stop visiting this guy she will tell me I am wrong to tell her what she can and cannot do.Any thoughts?RM
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Just get in on the friendship. Me and my fiance only really have mutual friends, or at least have met all the important ones. Go with her on a trip and make friends, or at least put your mind at ease.
You can't control who she is friends with. I am faithfully engaged and have never considered another man in all of our 5 years together. I also only have close male friends. Just because she's friends with a guy doesn't mean she wants him. Trust me, sometimes it is QUITE the opposite. I find a lot of my male friends very physically unappealing.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Do not get involved with a woman who's going to visit another man, when you're not around. She's very much in the wrong in doing this, because I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if you went to see a female friend. Staying over or not.
I'm sorry dude, but it sounds like you're better off without her before you get married! You've got good grounds to end it!
Men and woman can not be friends unless they're in love. Otherwise it's just being friendly, and being friendly, doesn't mean you travel to see them. It means you say "hi, how ya doing" when you bump in to each other in the street.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 You can't tell her who she can and can't be friends with. Ultimately, she's going to do what she wants. Its very common these days for women to have male best friends. I agree with smile, ask her to introduce you to him, maybe you guys can go on a double date with his current girlfriend, or girl he's interested in. My husband was a little wary about my best friend being male, then he met him one night when we were out at a bar and that got on very well. Give him a shot you might like him!
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A
male
reader, smile(: +, writes (25 August 2010):
Ask her to include you in the relationship, if it is platonic this should be fine and go over smoothly. Go with her when she goes to visit. That it makes you feel jealous is understandable, tell her how you feel; if she values you she will consider how you feel, even if it is irrational.
You've been together for quite a while, I would say trust her when she says it is just very good friends, but do look into it if it is enough to cause you worry.
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