A
male
age
41-50,
*20mobile
writes:I have a problem! Here is the story. I have known this girl for 6 months and became an official couple in early July and we're currently still together. When I met her she said she was seeing someone and was trying to get over this person, this person was someone who she fantasizes about and liked very much, this guy was the one who she gave herself to hoping that he felt the same but he hesitated to start a relationship with her and ran off with another woman when he figured out that she was also sleeping with me. Yes, this was a triangle affair. After he ran away from her, she came to me and said that she chose him first because she knew him longer and she see that it's only fair for him to have a chance. I certainly felt like i was second place! Within her transitional time/process, one night she lied to me and ran off with another ex and also slept with him. Afterward she then came over to my apartment and also slept with me. She initially lied about having sex with this other ex until a few days later. I felt really hurt and told her how I felt. Of course she felt bad for hurting me and said it was not fair for me. She then said that she no longer wants to fool around with anyone else and wants to be with me and be in a serious relationship. So after a few days of ignoring her we became a couple, meaning all of our friends were aware of our relationship. We are currently together but things have been weird like she's backing up, I feel she's been a bit reserved. I've been insecure due to her past actions. She's been trying to build trust by calling me late at night trying to prove that she's not with anyone, by being with me most of the time and days, and by text me where she is and what she's doing. I appreciate her actions of building trust but lately I feel she's acting strange. I brought it up to her a few times and she gets mad at me for being insecure. So one night I looked in her phone and found that she text the dude that she was crazy for once, she actually text him a few times asking how he's doing and what he's up to. I confronted her and she said that they're just friends and question why I invaded her privacy. Again, she said she wants to be with me and not him and that I should not think of anything. I told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that this was the dude who she fantasied about once. she then angrily said that she will not loose him as a friend and confirmed that they are only friends.Now when we're together she would get texts and calls late at night ex: 2:30AM and she'll text these people back but not answer some of these calls. Sometimes she acts very distant and her kisses are dry. She did tell me that she doesn't want to loose me because she knows that I'm a good guy. Am I just a insecure fool or should I leave her alone or go with the flow or check her phone again and be the sneaky boyfriend or what should I do? thank you
View related questions:
affair, her past, insecure, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (30 August 2010):
 She sounds...Like she is a little unsure if she wants to be with you. You said you felt like you were second place? I'm sorry, but this might just be the case. She couldn't get the guy she wanted, she's probably a little insecure herself, and needed someone there for her. In other words, you're sort of like a rebound. But hey, I don't know this girl. So I could be wrong.
If this relationship is making you feel insecure and uncomfortable and she won't even take the time to listen to how you feel about what she's doing, then you might want to think about calling it quits. Her defensivness may very well mean she's hiding something.
Honestly, maybe I'm just the jealous type, but I wouldn't be very happy with her texting and talking to this guy either. Don't be a tyrant. Don't back her into a corner and make her feel trapped. Just calming bring it up again(can I talk to you about something?)Tell her it really makes you feel uncomfortable and why. Ask her why she still needs to be his friend when he ran off with some other girl anyway and see what she says. You may decide it's time to leave. If she still has feelings for another guy, there's not much hope for you. And I doubt you would want to stay in that relationship anyway.
Good luck,
Katy.
A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (30 August 2010):
Trust her!! She came out and told you before when she was sleeping with other people, and who she wanted to date first, but he didn't feel the same. So she has been telling you the truth, she calls you at night so you don't think of anything she is trying to build up your trust. Good luck.
...............................
|
