A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a very strange situation - I met a guy a few weeks ago, went on a date with him, had a great time. since meeting him, he's called me every day, and we went out a couple of more times, and ended the dates with a kiss and a hug. He then got really sick with the flu and has been for the past week or so - in that time, I went over to his place daily, brought him food, whatever he needed from the store etc. I even took him to the doctor...basically have made myself available to him. He's got no family in the city, so I've been his support system. We've spent alot of time just talking, and I know his background completely now - he was a real player, lots and lots of women etc. all superficial and shallow, which he admits to. The thing is, I really don't know where I stand with him right now. I'm worried that I was too helpful and that he just sees me as a friend now, and a support and a friend to have fun with.With Christmas coming this week, he's going to see his grandparents about 5 hours drive from here and he asked me to go with him. He's brought girls to his grandparents before, so its nothing special, but at least he wants to spend the time with me I guess.He said he's never had anyone take care of him before, and has really appreciated our friendship and all my help. I'm really not sure what he's thinking, and despite the fact he said was looking for a serious relationship, I am not sure that he knows what he wants. His business has been doing poorly the last couple of years, he's worried about that and about money, and he has said that is his main concern right now. I can also help him out with business because strangely enough I'm in a similar business, self employed, and can seriously help him out. So now I'm worried that he is going to use me to help him with his work, even though when we first went on the dates we didn't discuss it and he seriously seemed interested.The hard part is because he's been sick, its kinda made it a little difficult situation especially since we've just met. I know its quick, but I really do like this guy, and i'm not looking for another "friend"...am I looking for too much too fast? Should I just take it day by day, be supportive and let him work out what he wants by himself? Or should I just walk away?
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male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (19 December 2010):
I think you're over thinking this too much. Who knows what he wants, but I think you should take a step back and not be so readily available to him. Don't rush anything take it slow, and if he really wants to persuit you he will let you know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Take it easy and see where it goes. Don't rush things. Somtimes a lovely relationship can grow through a friendship. And it is more likely to last. It is would great if you knew what was going on in his head, but you can't. So let things run until he is over his illness and see where you find yourself.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Unfortunately I think that at this point a relationship with this man might be a non-issue.
Men tell you where they stand, and usually we change the message or format it to fit what we would like from them.
He said he values your friendship? And I'm assuming that you are feeling that you would like to be more than friends.
The problem is this - if he wanted more from you as far as a romantic future he would have made that clear. Yes, men are prone to commitment phobia, but meeting the woman of your dreams negates this clause. Men like getting what they want, hunting and seeking it - and right now he is getting all the perks of a relationship with none of the pitfalls, sans-title, sans-commitment.
Pull back and let him know where you stand, but don't continue to be his helper unless you feel that he deserves it.
It is still very early, but regardless if a man likes you and wants to pursue a relationship time is not so much a factor. Allow him the space to pursue you and do not invest so much time into him until he proves he is worth it. Men feel insecure in relationships as well, and will propose a title or commitment in order to feel stability or comfort. Right now, he has no reason to do so, you are giving him a relationship without the work or effort on his part.
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