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Should I be sending risque pics to my boyfriend? Will it get on the internet?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2016) 12 Answers - (Newest, 26 February 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and we have a very close relationship. He is an incredibly sweet person and I honestly trust him with anything.

The other day we were talking and it just so happened that he sent me a topless photo. I was fine with that and after sending it he was very worried about how I felt about it, as he hadn't wanted to send me anything that would make me feel uncomfortable.

After this conversation he asked me if I would or did feel comfortable to send him a picture similar to that (not topless because it's different for males and females but similar). At the time I told him I wasn't comfortable with doing that as I'm really insecure and I told him I wasn't ready to. He was absolutely fine with that and said many things to make me feel better about myself, and also told me that it didn't matter that I wasn't ready to send one and that he was fine with that.

I thought about this afterwards and because of his reaction to me not being ready, I felt a confidence boost and felt so much more comfortable with doing something like this.

The only thing that worries me is all the stories you hear about people who send pictures and they get posted on Facebook etc and it never turns out well. I did ask my boyfriend not to tell anyone about it and also not to show anyone the picture (should I send one) and he promised he wouldn't (he has promised me this with other things which were similar so I do trust him).

I guess my question is: What are your opinions about my situation? I'm sorry for such a long question but I felt I needed to explain all of it to make the situation understandable.

Thank you x

View related questions: confidence, facebook, insecure, the internet

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A female reader, worriedgirl2012 United States +, writes (26 February 2016):

You seriously could get in trouble. Focus on your schoolwork and friends.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (26 February 2016):

Never ever send compromising information about yourself to another person without it being absolutely necessary to do so. Ever. Like from today until you are 90.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016):

Yes, the prev poster is correct. If you send naked, or topless pictures of yourself to anyone, you are sending child pornography.

Your boyfriend and any others he sends this to (yes he will share the picture for sure) can be in a lot of trouble for viewing it, and you will be a pariah in your town/school/neighborhood.

Don't do this.

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (20 February 2016):

eddie85 agony auntThe short answer is: NO!

Once you take a picture and send it to him, it is in his property. He can forward it to his friends or if the day comes when you break up, he can blackmail you or just put it out on the internet just to spite you. Also if he forwards it to his friends, his friends will have possession of it too.

Also, keep in mind if his phone is stolen or hacked, the picture will be in the hands of intruder.

Finally, if you are taking naked pictures of yourself and sending them, technically but definition, you are sending child pornography (I see by your age that you are under 18). This is a felony that can be very costly, embarrassing, and could potentially wreck your future.

I hate to be the doting adult here, but trust me when I say that you are taking an incredible risk in sending any sort of picture to anyone that you wouldn't want posted over the internet.

Eddie

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2016):

Even if you trust him and you believe he would never show anybody else he could lose his phone one day. So regardless of what you think he is like, anything could happen to his phone and you would be horrified.

I was a bit silly in the past and sent a photo to my boyfriend, I trust him and I don't think he would show people, but I lost my phone! God knows who saw photos I've taken of myself and I'm mortified.

Besides that you are way too young to be sending photos like that.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (19 February 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntThink about this...what happens when you don't do some thing he asks, say like have sex? He could retaliate by showing them to everyone, at school, on the Internet even your parents. Nice people sometime do not nice things when circumstances change. Please don't do it, it is something you will regret.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2016):

celtic_tiger agony auntAs you are in the UK and under the age of 18 - LEGALLY you are considered to be a child, and are covered by the laws regarding child pornography.

Currently "sexting" or sending any photos of a child in a sexualised context - naked pictures/underwear pics/ or anything sexual would be classed as child porn.

This is a criminal offense, even if they are pictures of yourself.

Read this link from Childline, it will help explain all the issues and potential problems that can happen.

https://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

Finally - teenage boys are ruled by their hormones. Just because he says he won't share a photo, does not mean that ego might not get the better of him, and he may want to brag to his mates. Remember, any photo you share, can be shared with other people.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2016):

Whether you are a teenager or a grown up adult or an old person never ever keep improper pictures of yourself on your phone or even your computer and needless to say never send an improper picture of yourself to anyone because you never know who would get hold of that picture if your phone is stolen or you forget it somewhere,or another member of your family decides to browse your computer or a hacker hacks your computer then you will find that picture of you over the internet in no time or in the wrong hands.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (19 February 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"He is an incredibly sweet person and I honestly trust him with anything...." That's a pretty piss-poor excuse for exposing yourself to the prospective angst of having put an inappropriate pic of yourself ANYWHERE in cyber-space.

Ask those (there are many of them) who did so.... then found that - when they went for a job interview - that pic was STILL on the Internet.... because that "sweet" person who they "honestly trusted him with anything"... put it there....

Be smart.... keep your images to yourself...

Good luck...

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 February 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is great that you trust your boyfriend. But sometimes these relationships don't last forever. Something could happen and you two could fall out and bam he is showing your pictures. I would not be sending anything that could end up on the internet. Someone could steal his phone and be able to see the pictures. It is best that no photos like these are on a mobile device.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (19 February 2016):

Garbo agony auntDo not EVER send any nude pictures of yourself to anyone. You never know what future holds and if you understand that what you sending is potentially compromising, then it likely will be compromised. So don't fall for this guys sweetness: he just wants to extract pics so he can get off. Some years down the road, if this relationship breaks down - and since you are both young chances of breakup are huge - you will probably regret your nudes. I even go as far as never to share any kind of a pic of yourself on the web. Therefore, do not succumb to his pressure and sweet-talking so he can extract nudes out of you. Do not send.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (19 February 2016):

Honeypie agony auntIf you are under 18, I'd say no - don't send any. You don't OWE him dirty pics. And... IF you two break up it's not something you want "out there".

Let me give you an example. Your BF's best mate (guy) borrows your BF's phone and while talking he snoops around for grins and giggles. He FINDS that picture and decides OH man we are going to have some fun! So he forward it to all the kids in your school that he has numbers for. Or his phone gets lost or stolen...

Guess... what can happen then?

YOU and YOUR BF can get in legal problems for distributing UNDERAGE porn (porn is 18 +).

The BF's mate only thought it would be a laugh but there ARE legal ramifications. And there ARE social ramifications too. Let's say SOMEONE from your school saw them, recognized you in it and told EVERYONE...

We ALL know that girls are STILL judged WAY harder when it comes to things like this.

SAVE the naughty pics for someone you are with when you get older.

It's GREAT that you trust this boy now. But you can't be sure what happens after you break up, or if he gets really mad at you.

Here on DC we have had MANY girls asking why their BF have naughty pictures of ex-girlfriends as their spankbank. So OBVIOUSLY some guys SAVE those pictures, some share them.

IF you want to show him yourself (without a shirt on) DO it in person, WHEN you are good and ready.

HE really doesn't NEED a naughty picture of you.

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