A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!Firstly, my keyboard is playin up and swopping my y and zs!! So I hope you can all read my post. I have a very simple question, I want to know if I should be scared about my new life basically!! I have a wonderful bloke, he treats me with love and respect, we love each other so much. However, he has 2 kids! His kids are lovely with me (apart from the odd time his 4 year old daughter doesn't let me brush her hair, cos I am not her mum), but his 9 year old son is very loving towards me as I am to him. He has told me he wants kids with me and wants to get married which I am over the moon with. I live 30 mins away from him, in which he has got a part time job (on top of His full time job) in the local bar, just down the road from me, so we can both save our money but still see each other.. He gets on well with my friends and my family has kind of come round to accepting the fact he has children (at first it was hard for them). His ex has caused problems, but he deals with her and protects me. I have banned her from my facebook, but recently she has met someone and they r all moving in together (my fella has the kids every weekend, in which we all do things, but sometimes I don't go as I think its important to let dad have alone time with his kids). My fella and I don't earn a lot of money, and we really enjoy being just together. sometimes when I hear stories of how bad it is to go with someone who has kids, I get a little frIghtened, should I be scared or does anyone think it will turn out good? I work with children, so I like to think I know how to treat kids but its all so new to me!Thanks x
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 August 2012):
Don’t get too anxious because of all those bad stories about relationships where kids are involved. Yes, sometimes things do go wrong, but that’s pretty much always because one person can’t accept the children as part of the package. In your case, you get on well with the children, you don’t resent them and you respect your boyfriend’s role as father, and give them space for quality time as father and children. From what you describe, none of the issues that cause these problems are present in your own situation. You don’t dislike the kids, you don’t seem insecure about the fact that he obviously has to have some contact with his ex because of them, indeed you’re wanting to marry and have children of your own together. Of course you might feel a bit scared if it’s all so new, but just relax and enjoy the process of discovering what this new life will be like.
I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): My experience is that it depends upon his relationship with the Ex.
If they can get along ok, even if it's just for the sake of the children, things will run very smoothly. There will be the odd problem but it'll pass.
If the Ex is hard work or a drama queen, it can make things very difficult. You need to remember that she's the children's mother and will be part of their life and by extension yours' for the next 15 years.
You can't ignore her or really keep your distance because there are going to be things like birthdays, graduations, marriages that she will expect to be part of and you as the step-mum will also want to be there.
The only way to find out is to give it a go, I hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 August 2012):
 hi
You sound like your coping just fine and have accepted the whole package. Yes his kids will always be around and one day you will add your own to them. I would stick with him as I dont see any problems,he supports you all the way too. The end decision is yours obviously and if you can imagine living without him?
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