A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for four months and then my boyfriend decided to break up in March. There were many reasons, but one was that he felt I was comparing him with my ex. I probably was, but I really wanted to get over my ex (that was another traumatic story) for my boyfriend. Right when I was working on it, my bf left - despite my promise that things would get better. I was really sad, and disappointed.Since then my boyfriend has tried to keep contact with me. I am pretty much over that relationship actually... Though I really loved him, I don't think it was the best fit, and the fact that he walked away completely destroyed my trust. He doesn't seem to agree though; he keeps saying he had no choice because things weren't working as long as I was making unreasonable comparisons. He might be right, but is he?! I don't doubt how much he loves me, but now he's saying that I need to get over my ex before we get back together. I feel that how can he ask me to do anything now that we are apart?! He's like, "well that was the goal of breaking up. I wanted to make things work, and that could only happen when we are apart." I'm all confused now...Part of me really wants to be with in his presence. Maybe to be really good friends. I don't know how I'd feel if he starts dating someone. Maybe I'll be jealous, or maybe I won't. We had made plans to live together when we move this Sept, and I know I'd want his company in a new environment. Today we talked about it and agreed that no matter what (even just as friends), we'll live together. But I also feel that I might be setting up traps for myself though. I know I loved him a lot, and I always think it's very precious to meet someone who loves you and who you love... But I'm not sure if we should be roommates - will I feel tied down? Will I fall for him again? What if all those fights come back again? Should I do anything now, or just wait for a few months before I know more clearly about my feelings? Should I keep being friends with him, or completely cut it off?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 April 2012):
 Sound like a bad bad move.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 I cant begin to tell you how much of a bad idea this is! Quite simply if there are still feelings between you, then you cannot be 'just friends'. So the best thing you can do is cut all contact with him, and spend time being single and getting used to being alone.
You clearly never gave yourself time to get over your last ex, so living with another ex would just cause an even bigger mess! You need time to get over both of them, get them both out of your system and really move on.
And think of this - if you are living with your ex you will never be able to meet a new guy, because your ex will get jealous of a new man and you could NEVER bring him back to your place as the ex would be there and that is just weird. Plus when the new guy finds out you are living with your ex, that is going to make him run a mile!
So basically, if you want to move on once and for all from both ex's then you need to cut contact and allow yourself time to be single. If you ever want to meet a new guy and have a sucessful relationship then you CANNOT live with your ex.
No relationship will ever be sucessful if you start it when there are still left over feelings from an ex. You cannot bounce from one relationship to the next, hoping that by being with someone new you will get over your ex. No amount of 'wanting to get over my ex for my boyfriend' is going to make your feelings for your ex go away - the only thing to make feelings for an ex go away is to be single, to learn how to be happy alone and have NO men in your life at all for a few months.
Cut him out of your life, spend time alone and re-evaluate your feelings in a few months time. But make sure in this time you DO NOT speak to any of your ex's at all, and do not date or even talk to anyone new. Learn to be happy alone, before you can have a happy relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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