A
female
age
30-35,
*ngelsandfairys
writes:So recently I got a job offer in another city about five hours away from where me and my partner are both living together. Anyway so received feedback and I never got the job because I wasn't enthusiastic enough. Before my interview my boyfriend said there is probably a low chance I'd get the job since there may be loads of other applications applying. Anyway today after telling him my feedback I received he said yeah see I told you there was a low chance. This makes me feel shitty but I've asked him why he said it and he said because you never really get the first job and because there may be like 100 other people who have applied for the job. Should I take this as an offence or just that he's saying that because there's other people I might of not got it. My mind is telling me he thought I was not good enough. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016): I think he should've saved those comments for afterwards, for if you didn't get the job. And say those things only to console you.
It's important to be optimistic and encouraging when a friend or lover is doing something important for their future or their career. Even if deep down, for whatever reason, you think they have little chance of succeeding.
The only thing that might excuse his reaction is if you were doing something far fetched that clearly wouldn't work out for you. Like applying for a highly skilled job, requiring tons of relevant experience, if you haven't yet acquired any relevant experience or skills necessary for that position. Then his reaction would make sense. For instance, applying to be a sous chef when you don't even have knife skills. Trying to be an opera singer when you can't even hold a note. And in that case, if it's something you are passionate about, he could suggest a more realistic starting point for you to begin to pursue your passion.
But if this job did indeed seem like a match, and you know you had the qualifications and skills they were looking for, then he was out of place saying that to you and trying to ruin your confidence. If that's the case, then that's his problem, not yours, and you should know for next time not to trust his opinion when it comes to matters like those.
A lot of notable people in this world were met with discouragement and sarcasm when they tried to get ahead. Albert Einstein. Oprah Winfrey...the list is long. Either because people didn't believe they were capable of doing something great or perhaps they saw them as a threat in some way.
I can't be sure but I think the latter is the case with you. You getting a job five hours away would pose a threat on your relationship, in his mind. He'd either have to move for you or you two would break up. He's happy with the way things are. It's possible he tried to discourage you from this job so as to avoid changes that he doesn't want.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 August 2016):
He is being realistic. You are apply for a job. This isn't an acting career. Shake it off and try to learn from this because he isn't lying. He's is going to save you a lot of time. Put on your big girl pants.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): This is one of those situations where the "tone" of what's being said makes the difference.
Without being privy to that, it is hard to tell if he's being honest and matter of fact or negative and putting you down.
Hearing a "told you so" is never the most positive of experiences at any rate but you should take what he said in context. Is his other behavior towards you positive? Does he treat you well? Then most likely, this is an innocuous statement.
...............................
A
female
reader, Amouramour +, writes (11 August 2016):
I would definitely not be offended. Was your boyfriend a little pessimistic, maybe, but I don't see his remark at all being one of not believing in you and your competency to land the position. It seems he was just making a logical comment, even though it wasn't necessary.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2016):
 I think you are overthinking his reply. Making it out to be negative when it's not.
You are reading between lines that aren't there. YOU mind was telling you that YOU weren't good enough, so therefore you take HIS comment out of context to not only beat yourself up, but in a manner of speaking, him too.
You didn't get the job. That is that. It's not about you not being good enough or your BF not being supportive enough. It just meant that for THIS one job, YOU were outmatched by another applicant who was a better fit for the company.
You will encounter that OVER and OVER. YOUR job is to not let it discourage you, but motivate you into learning how to "sell" yourself better.
If he has REALLY meant what you "think" he meant, I think he would have been a lot more clear about it. What he said most likely meant, see it's no big deal that you didn't get it, just keep on trying.
This experience hopefully gave you some feedback that YOU can take and use for your NEXT job interview.
When I got my "dream-job" I had been looking for over a year, working as a temp while sending out LITERALLY 100's of applications. Many of them gave me the " you are too over qualified" as a reason to NOT hire me. So I tweaked my resume, I tweaked my applications.
And honestly? I got to be quite GOOD at doing interview. Only reason for that? I DID a lot of them. And I didn't get those jobs. Several times I was in the "top 5" candidates and STILL didn't get it. And looking back I know why. As an introvert I'd come across as not engaging enough, as too quiet etc. So I worked on that.
You will get MANY MANY more rejections for jobs. Don't take them personal. Take them as learning experiences.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 August 2016):
 Surely you know if you feel offended or not? I am puzzled that you need to ask if you "should" feel offended.
Re your boyfriend's comment, I would have taken it that he was trying to protect you from building up your hopes and then not getting the job. At least, that is the way I would have taken a comment like that, but I would not have been looking for things to feel offended at.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): I think you're being over-sensitive and taking it out on your boyfriend. He was correct in telling you that there are many other applicants for the employer to choose from; and you shouldn't allow them to destroy your confidence simply because you're not what they're looking for. It's five hours away; and if you ask me, it's too far out of your way unless they were offering you big money.
To tell someone they're "not enthusiastic enough" is subjective, a bit moronic, and sounds like someone who is not very experienced at doing interviews. You politely reject a candidate, and you don't go into any specifics unless they are persistent for an explanation. I've hired hundreds and have done hundreds of interviews. You don't allow emotion to enter the picture. It's unprofessional.
You should not be upset with the interviewer or your boyfriend. Do some studying on how to do good interviews to improve your style. Just remember, it was not a date. It was an interview. It was impractical due to the distance anyway. Even if you were enthusiastic out the yin-yang; that commute would have sucked all of the energy out of you. You would have quit unless you picked-up and moved just to be closer to the job. Then your boyfriend would be further from his.
Shake it off and let it go, sweetie.
...............................
|
