A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having an affair with a married man for 5 months now. He is older than me and has 3 children. I work with him for about an hour twice a day. We knew each other for over a year before anything happened. It started out as a bit of fun but somewhere along the way it got serious and now I love him and I would love him to leave his wife and be with me. I feel it is unfair on me but then I feel guilty for thinking that because lets face it I am the mistress. I should be thinking its unfair on his wife. I tell him my feelings because we are and always have been very honest with each other. He says he feels very guilty when he leaves me and would love to give me more time but he cant right now. I need help!!!! Am I selfish wanting him to leave her, should I just be content with having him part time?
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affair, I work with, married man, mistress Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (14 June 2010):
You are calculatedly taking the severe risk of ruining the happiness of three innocent children; quite apart from his wife-s.
Try and get a moral grip and run from this situation without a minute-s further thought.
PLus - if you can-t think about your duty to others think about the saying: *The man who marries his mistress..... creates a vacancy....*
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): Are you trying to find an answer that will justify it??... Why even ask this question??...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): True love does not make you a servant... True love does not make you a mistress...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): He will not leave his wife for you .I m reading all of this and i ve just put a stop to a 11 months affaire with a married man .You dont want to end up with him telling you more and more lies . There is more in life .You deserve alot more .I know you are in soo much pain right now and is hard but will get better .This is not love .True Love means to care and treat onother person in a loving manner with honesty and he is not doing any of them .What is it he is giving you and what are you giving ?Were is the balance that a real relationship has ?Think about it ?I do realy know is not easy and you cant stop thinking about him but do it know untill is not too late and you get too deep .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): I am also sleeping with a married man I work with since 2008 my heart is broken because from the beginning he said he would never leave her. And a year later and a few months I left I regret it but the pain of when he sees me and leaves hurts more. I wish my heart would stop beating because the pain is unbearable. Get out of this quick i wish I could of ended in the 5 months I am a crying mess at my desk and he is fine going home to his wife every night all I can ask is god please forgive my sins in my moment of weakness but I see that he is punishing me with all this pain I deserve it at the end
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): "work with him for about an hour twice a day. "I have a question for you. you work for him 2 hours a day, he pays you minimal wage and he gets to f@ck you. do you have sex with him everyday? does he expect it? please, please be realistic. no one can stop you sleeping with this married man, only you can do it. if you settle for scraps and crumbs and do not value yourself , how can you expect anyone to value you. if you decide that you are happy being second best just continue as it.why not print all the answers and show him. i am sure he will have a ready made excuse waiting to serve you with. just bullshit and sweet words and some good fing. sums uo your "relationship" doesn't it??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): i see that Katy has responded to you. you see she too is young and she too has been sleeping with a married man with kids. listen to her, she knows what she is saying. it is not too late. respect yourself and value yourself and know that this MM is only using you for sex. he has no time for you. you are his dirty secret and he would NEVER leave his wife and kids for you. he really has it made. having sex with you and the wife. having a complete family and a mistress. what man would not want this life?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 I don't think he will leave his wife no matter how much you beg him too... So you wanting him to is basically not the issue here. You can want it as much as you please, but it will not happen.
Second, the relationship has gotten serious? Only for you I am afraid. He was and still is married and the relationship with you never was and never will be serious. You are living a one sided fairy tale.
Be content with having him part time if you will. But know that he is a cheater, and even if you think he's so great, if he against all odds did leave his wife, he would cheat on you, just like he cheated on her. All just for a little fun on the side, nothing serious. Or in the worst case, leave his wife and find a new girlfriend and then continue to have you as his number second. Why wouldn't he? Being second to his wife hasn't been a problem for you so far...
Stand up for yourself and have some respect for yourself. A married cheating man is not your dream guy in a million years. You can do better. Only use him as a lover if you dont have feelings for him. As you have started to get feelings (those tend to follow with any intimate relationship) it is best to get out before you lower your standards.
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Let me just be honest with you. I HATE what you're doing. To yourself, to his family, to his wife. You're disgusting behaviour is appaling.
THAT being said, I think you need help. Why is it you're attaching yourself to an unavailable guy? Why him? Millions of other men who are unattached and waiting for a girl to show affection and love to, but you choose the biggest loser in the world. WHY!?
Suppose he leaves his wife for you. Abandons his kids. What did you win? The trophy of being a home wrecker tramp. Congratulations. I hope it felt good. Nooootttt!!
Come on girl. Get some self respect. You deserve it! You're far more worthy than this!!
Suppose he does leave...what makes you think he won't cheat on you?! You're not that special to him. If you were, he'd respect you. He doesn't. You're a piece of ass. Yes that's crude and rude but he's degraded you to a body part.
WHY are you doing this to yourself!?
Please get out. PLEASE. Find your prince charming. Leave this frog alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Yes, you entered this relationship willing to be a play thing for his pleasure and to forgo all emotional and financial ties. Now that you've had your fun you want to ruin his life? You are a sex toy... a source of pleasure. TO want anything else is unfair.
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female
reader, StrawberryShortcake86 +, writes (25 May 2010):
Home wreckers like yourself should be ashamed of yourself. Having seen my mom deal with a home wrecker when I was a child was heartbreaking. My family was always so tight and my father had a moment of weakness and who was there during that moment, the mistress Now my family life is ruined. My dad regretted it, but it was too late. You are a very selfish person and you disgust me. All you are is a fuck hole to this man. All he wants is an easy slut to “get away” from the real world.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): I went through a bad time in my life where I just needed anyone to show affection towards me. I met a married man, and we had so much fun together. I began to think maybe he was the one. I found myself thinking that I could persuade him somehow by being everything he needed, that he would leave his wife. This man had two children. When it ended, he explained he was overwhelmingly guilty about what he had done to his wife. He explained that I should've known all the time, that he never would have left his wife, the mother of his children. The fact is, if this man was ever planning to leave his wife, he would have done it already. He has children, finances, and a history with this women. It is to much to destroy over just a good time. MOVE ON.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Hello, I wasted 5 years of my life with a cheater and liar. 5 years of waiting hoping and wishing. I am was more special too. Did he love me - yes. But so what, love is action not words. You have to love you more, that is the real issue here. He has no RESPECT for you, he has no RESPECT for his family and he has no RESPECT for himself. This man is not a man - real men honor themselves and the people they love - Period. In the end I was disgusted by my cheater. You need to be honest with yourself and tell yourself the truth. He fucks you and goes home fucks his wife in the same day. That is the truth - IS THAT LOVE?????Love yourself - tell him to back to his broken home beacuse he broke it. If you do not love you - who will? Turn your back on him - NOW - Cry yourself to sleep everynight - and save yourself the 5 years, or 3 years or 2 years. Go find a man who is a real MAN.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 May 2010):
Married man having an affair = lying cheat.
So if you want kids, if you want marriage, of you want a home with a man you love. If you actually want to be loved by someone, then end it now and move on. He doesn't love you or care for you. He's just using you for sex and that's it. You have a choice. Be nothing to this guy, or be something to another one.
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Vintage took the words right out of my mouth, so to speak.
This whole thing you've described is an ABOMINATION. This guy is a liar and a cheat and if he's going to do this to the mother of his three children what makes you think you're exempt? You're a piece of ass on the side, girl. That's all. Wake up and stop this atrocious betrayal of your own gender! Think about the someday YOU find your own husband messing around with a piece on the side while you sit home caring for his children! What on earth are you thinking, Men like this are pond scum! Don't allow him to make you pond scum, too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Why would you be content with part of someone? He is lying and cheating on his wife do you think this guy is going to tell you the truth? He is telling you want you want to hear and what allows him to get what he wants. If you think of no one else think of yourself, if you carry on this way, as Eyeswideopen says, you are going to spend the special days of the year alone and without the man you love, is that what you want? Get out now and show more respect for yourself.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Don't you want kids? Don't you want to be able to spend Christmas Eve with the love of your life and then wake up with him Christmas Day? Don't you want to have him by your side whenever a crisis happens? Don't you want to be by his side if he gets sick? Don't you want to snuggle up to him on a cold winter's night and look at the pictures of the grandkids? This guy can't and won't do any of the above. If the answers were all "no" then go ahead and sit on that back burner. It's a bitch being a lonely old woman, hope you like cats.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Your tight!!! Those kids are going to be distraught when they find out about you and his unlucky (to be with such a horrible man) wife will have her confidence totally knocked.
You can't ever expect him to leave her for you but she might kick him out and then he'll go to you as his second choice.
Imagine if you found out that your dad was having an affair or your husband??!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (25 May 2010):
 no, you should not be content with being his bit on the side but expecting him to leave his wife is unrealistic. he has kids with her and you are younger than him, so you will want different things out of life. this doesn not mean you should accept being his bit on the side- he has been honest in that he wont be able to give you what you want, but he will be contented to continue things the way they are which benefits him more than you.
you need to meet someone your own age who can give you their time and share a life with you. 5 months is not a long time and its probably better it ends sooner than later, if you are never going to be happy with just sex. which is ALL he is WILLING to offer. you deserve better and even if he did leave her would you be able to trust him? i doubt it seeing as your relationship began in deceit which is not a good foundation for the long term.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 May 2010):
 He's telling you what every guy who cheats on his wife tells his mistress. Cheaters always makes their mistress feel like they are more special. It is common. In the end he is a simply a cheater looking for sex on the side.
He's older, he has a wife, and he has children. He's not going to break up his family to run off with you I am sorry to say. The best thing for you to do is to just stop seeing him. End it. If you don't, he will continue to convince you to see him, because that's what guys like that do. In the end, he is a cheater. You don't really want to be with a guy like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Oh dear here we go again, seen this movie before. You hit it on the head, your the stealth warrior here and he is the weak link in his family. His wife and kids look upon him as the head of the family and (unless I am told otherwise) the role model for the children. Because hes hitting you well then you deserve more in your own admnission, maybe time to find someone else who may be available without strings, I can assure you that you will find someone to satisfy your itch!
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