A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, opinions on my situation please.I currently live with my step mum dad and little sister. My little sister is my half sister my step mum is her mum. Ive only lived with them for a few months. I used to live with my mum other sister, I was very happy with my mum except my sisters dad was abusive to all of us and I didn't want to put up with it anymore. Finally my sister has found the courage and reported her dad now he has moved pur of my mums house. The other day I went away for my friends birthday I left a full bar of chocolate and a full packet of biscuits (at my dads) in my wardrobe when I came back my dad told me he had caught my sister eating some she has been caught before and nothing has been said. When i looked the whole bar of chocolate was gone and the biscuits were gone. The next day I told my dad she had eaten it all and my sister over heard she then went upstairs her mum came to me and my dad and said we should shut up because she was upset. I was angry because she shouldn't be in my bedroom while I'm not there never mind routing through my things. I'm entitled to privacy. Anyway my step mum got angry at the fact I'd mentioned it and told sister it was okay and to ignore me! Obviously i wasnt happy about the fact she hadn't said it was wrong she then got even more agitated and told my dad in front of my dad she wanted me out. She then said to me "this is my house" and my dad said "yes and its her home" she said I dont care I want her out" I then said "well its my sisters home too I'm exactly the same as her" she disagreed and said we werent. I then rang my mum and told her what had happened my mum was not happy my step mum has never liked me. I couldn't go back to my mums because my mum wasn't even living at home because my sisters dad wouldn't move out my mum and sister have been at my mums friends now he has been made to move out we can finally go back timed right really.My dad does want me to go back to his I said I will if he puts a lock on my door? Am I wrong for asking this? My mum and friends think it shouldnt be a problem I'm nearly 20 years old and think I should be entitled to some privacy I'm a fully grown adult. My dad says I shouldn't need a lock on my door. My step mum snoops around my room when im not there I know for a fact she takes my things and they magically end up next to her bed. My iPad doesn't leave my room but for about two months its been missing. I can leave my room a certain way I'll come back and my mirrors been moved my doccing station has been unplugged and moved my picture frames have been moved. It winds me up. I dont even feel like its my room I feel like they just come in and snoop around if and when they want. Ive told my dad about this he cant see a problem. Am wrong to want a lock? Should I be allowed one?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2015): Many people work full time and go to school full time also.You could do that but it would cut into your fun time now wouldnt it? I know many single mothers who had kids who even did that.If they can do that you with no kids could alot easier.It is just how bad you want privacy or not.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (28 May 2015):
Okay, here's how I'd make the best of a bad situation
I'd buy a footlocker or a bunch of boxes and I'd store everything valuable in them, like others suggested. Have a separate box for food and snacks (or a separate compartment, to keep it hygienic). Put those boxes out of sight, like under your bed for example.
If the idea of ppl touching personal stuff like pictures creeps you out, lock those up too. Replace them with trinkets you don't care about. Just get some stuff that literally means nothing to you and put that on display. If ppl touch it, it won't matter so much. Make sure that everything that people can touch is stuff you don't give anything about.
Your room becomes your room when you enter it and access your locker/boxes.
Anyway, after having all that in place, tell your dad you'd like to come back and go to your stepmom and apologize for blowing up about it all. Make it sound sincere. Tell her that you appreciate what she's done for you by letting you live in her house and that you'd like to stay if she'll have you. Sell it. It doesn't matter if you don't mean it. What matters is that she believes you do. That'll get her off your back. Keep your stuff locked in for as long as you live there. It's not nice, but you'll get used to it.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (28 May 2015):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm glad to see others agree with me.Personally I dont think a footlocker would be enough. I honestly think it was my step mum that didn't want the lock so she and mh sister could snoop.I've made the decision to live back with my mum and other sister now my sisters dad has gone. Our house that we have lived in from me being 8years old is up for sale and we have seen a new house we like which is a new build. Theres too many bad memories here. Im glad to be away from my spiteful step mother and move into a new house, leave all bad behind and have a fresh start. Thank you to every one who had an input :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2015):
 Well, OP, it's not really about age or " what everybody does ", that's not really the point.
My own son only moved out at 25 ( and, being that we are in Italy... everybody goes " Oh... so SOON ??! ,LOL ). BUT, my son did not have a wicked stepmother problem or a privacy problem. You DO.
The point is, that if it is a serious enough issue, YOU make the necessary changes in your life to solve the issue, you do not DEMAND that other people make changes . And if it's not a serious enough issue to deserve relevant changes, well, you just grin and bear.
Like, if I were your stepmother , I would NEVER steal your IPod nor snoop in your drawers, I swear !- then again probably I would not accept to put locks to MY doors or to be shut out by a GUEST in MY house. On principle. ( And I am the kind of person who NEVER entered in my son's room in his absence after he was 11 or 12 ).
It boils down to : their house their rules. ( As insane as you may think the rules are ). If you like the free accomodation, then you also will have to find a way to make yourself like the rules. Otherwise, you are free to consider other options - regardless of what all your friends are doing, or what all UK is doing.
The footlocker thing is a good idea, anyway. Although, I strongly doubt it will be enough to reduce the friction between you and your stepmother, and that's why personally I still think it would be wiser if you lived with your own Mom even if it is less convenient for going to school.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 May 2015):
 I think the locked footlocker is the best idea. also perhaps a "nanny cam" to catch them.
THEN when Stepmom and half sister do what they should not... you can go do dad with PROOF....
I think that you should be entitled to have some of your own private space... if not.. then since you are at uni move to student housing.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 May 2015):
 In the circumstances I think you are living with some persons who have scant respect for you and some resentment. It would be nice if your step mother could be a lot nicer and even better if she could see how one sided her reaction was. No wonder the chocolate thief is such a pain.
Studying means lot of concentrating and often some expensive books and study materials that you don't want to lose. Try to speak to the Chocolate thief's Dad when the two of you are maybe outside. Ask him if he could help put a lock on your door and do not offer up a spare key. Make sure you have a good window lock too.
Sure the chocolate thief is going to be frustrated.
It is much easier for you to live near the University. Concentrate on your studies.
And it is true as you said in your follow up that many families have adult offspring live at home. It is not uncommon for 20 and 25 and even 35 year olds to live at home with parents. When your studies are nearly completed it is a big ask to also try to fit in some part time work as Universities expect so much from students.
One you complete your studies and get fulltime employment then that will be the time to organise your own accommodation.
Once you have the lock you may find that your makeup lasts longer ad things do not go missing as often.
I wonder if the chocolate thief felt jealousy about your iPad? I think your iPad had not gone very far.
I hope that you can be permitted to have the lock installed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2015):
 You can have ALL the privacy and locks on your door when you live out on your own.
For now though, GO buy a footlocker with a key. KEEP what you don't want your nosy half sister and step mom to get into IN the foot locker.
Or, talk to your dad. HE might be OK with a lock. He might not. It's not going to hurt to ask, but DEMAND? Not going to work.
My Brother in Law had 2 of his 20+ year old daughters move in, one has 2 kids who gets into EVERYTHING The 2 20+ year old daughters had LOCK on their doors because they KNEW these kids would get into EVERYTHING.
It's a little ridiculous that the step sister an go eat your snacks and not have to replace it.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 May 2015):
 You're not wrong to WANT a lock - I would too if my things constantly came up missing, or had clearly been moved around - BUT it's their house and if they don't want you to have one, that is their decision.
I'm with CindyCares; it makes more sense if you move back in with your mother. If your dad wants you to move back in with him so badly, he can allow you the means to keep your things safe. An iPad is an expensive item to "disappear" without explanation. And speaking of that, you should definitely make sure you have all your things back (that your stepmother has helped herself to) before leaving their house for good.
Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (26 May 2015):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm at uni. I've had multiple jobs but right now most of my time is spent on assingmemts. Originally I wanted to live in student accommodation however seen as my house was only down the road my dad told me to stop being silly and I should live there.
Plus I dont know any 19 year olds that livw on their own a lot.of people live with their parents way beyond 19...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 May 2015):
Excellent suggestion by EWO. That's what would make more sense.
If for some reason this is just not possible yet, - then it makes more sense if you just go back to your Mom's.
The reason why you left, was because there was Mom plus a wicked step parent- removed which , there's only Mom left and it makes more sense living with her, than living with dad AND another " wicked " step-parent.
Keep it simple, OP. It does not really matter if you are 20 , etc.
The thing is, they do not want locks to their doors, and they want to be free to come and go as they please in their house . If you have a problem with that ( and I am not saying that it SHOULDN't feel like a problem to you ) - then simply go live somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (26 May 2015):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I'm at uni at the minute I can't really afford to get a job.
Plus I'm 19. There isn't many 19 year olds that have their own place. My cousin is 22 she lives with her boyfriend and his parents. All my friends live at home and they're all older than me, some people live at home until way beyond 19. I dont really see how being at home at 19 isn't acting like an adult, but we're all entitled to our opinions...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Get a job and move into your own place, like you said, your are a full grown adult. Is there some reason you don't want to act like one?
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