A
male
age
36-40,
*eaf4eva
writes:Hi in light of my previous question I posted over a month ago I would like to ask if I’m right in thinking to stick to my guns .Basically My Gf Mother will not let me in the house because over 2 months ago my gf and I argued over something petty and I said some things in the heat of the argument to my gf I shouldn't have.We talked it out like adults and we know the argument was over nothing that we could have foreseen happening and moved on.Her mother has decided now that she will not have me in the house anymore and does not want to see or speak to me even though my gf and I didn't argue in front of her (in fact she was nowhere near )My gf told me the same thing happened a few years ago with her older sister and bf/ now husband they argued and her mum banned him and didn't speak to him until he apologised to her mother for the way he spoke (he did) but her mum sneakily admits she "only puts up with him when he’s there"(so the apology isn't accepted in my eyes)Her mother is a very childish/demanding person who has to get her own way all the time. so do I bow down and bite the bullet to be let back in the house or do I stick to my guns on the grounds it’s not her mother’s relationship/business? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, deaf4eva +, writes (30 March 2013):
deaf4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the closet way to explain my story is by the anonymos reader on march 29th thats basicaly everything in a nut shell. But everyone here has said the same thing if i can get my gf to move out i will but finance is tight atm for both.I will have to talk to my girlfriend but explain if i do say sorry to her mothe its for the one and only reason of me loving her (my gf) to smooth things over .
A
female
reader, xkatastrophex  +, writes (29 March 2013):
Well, I was in the same situation as your gf last year. My boyfriend, at the time, said some things to me she didn't like, & a month later he ended up apologizing. If you want to go to her house, you're going to have to apologize. & I know moving in to her house would be easier. But would it be easier in the long run? She'll overrun you. It'll be best that you two find your own place. & while she may not really accept your apology, I'm sure it'll be a lot quieter, & I know your girlfriend will feel better. I did, after all. Good luck!
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 March 2013):
If you want in the house then you obviously need to apologize, but if you don't why bother? If you want a permanent relationship with your gf you'll need to stand up to the crazy one at some point or another.
Also, I'm not sure if I understand correctly, but don't move into a house that mom owns or helps to pay for under any circumstances! What she doesn't charge in money she'll more than take in blood!
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male
reader, deaf4eva +, writes (29 March 2013):
deaf4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think what i should do is just take little bits of advice from everyone..Just let it go .Apologise ( and be overly nice but dont go inside).Hold my breath and count to 10 .Get her out/move out of the house to de-stress (gf).Give it time If her mother does'nt accept my apology then screw her im not letting anyone dictate .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): My boyfriends mom banned me from her house for slightly similar/slightly different reasons. My boyfriend was in his mid 30's at the time and living at his mom's house, which I found bizarre. One night we were out and he was drunk, we got in an argument and being an a**hole he took off left me there by myself, late at night in the middle of nowhere. Then I dropped my phone in a sink full of water and it stopped working so I couldn't call anybody. And I had just moved to a new town/new place and didn't know my address or how to get there by cab. Yeah, one of those nights.I knew how to get to my boyfriends house so I hailed a cab there as I had nowhere else to go and it was him who got me in the bind. I knew where they keep the keys (as he had TOLD me where they are in case I ever needed to get in) so I let myself in, walked up to his room and we started arguing. I was livid. His mom woke up and didn't even ask me if I was ok (which I wasnt) or what had happened. She just immediately called the cops and had me removed from her house for barging in "uninvited." Cause regardless of the trouble I was in, how dare I? Meanwhile the whole time holding her son back and threatening him to not help me and let me be taken away by cops! It was humiliating. Oddly enough I guarantee you if her son was in a bind and turned to a girlfriend or friend for help and they treated her precious son like a thief, she would be livid. The cops were very helpful and supportive though and when I explained to them what happened they said this woman was evil as I was not a stranger I was her sons girlfriend who had been dicked over by her own son and needed help getting home. She shouldve at least let me stay on the couch. It was awful. There had been things before with her that had happened nowhere near as awful as this but that gave me the impression this woman was no good, that I couldnt trust her, just like you perceive with your girls mom. And that she was not fond of anyone who got too close to her son. She had already been giving signs that she was trying to sabotage our relationship, so looking back, her reaction doesn't surprise me as I know now she was looking for a reason to ban me altogether. See what I am saying? I suspect your girl's mom might be the same type. This woman had a fit after this, never once asked what actually happened, just simply marked me as garbage and banned me forever. My boyfriend and I made amends eventually (yeah my friends think I am crazy for doing that) on the condition he move out of his mom's immediately, which he did, and it has been over a year and I have not spoken to her nor intend to unless SHE apologizes to me for being so biased and cruel. You would think I stole her jewelry and car and trashed her house and punched her! People like that blow tiny things out of proportion and make huge productions out of nothing. They twist and edit stories or don't ask for more information than they WANT to know in order to produce a whole case against you. It's because her intention is something completely different than what she wants to portray. If women like these just came straight out and said, we just want to have full power and control over our kids, everybody would know they ARE crazy. So instead, they try to get what they want by manipulating those around them to believe that their actions are not normal. When in reality THEY ARE. So, you need to keep your distance from this lady. I suspect she is up to no good and this may always be a lose lose situation for you. Look what happened to me. Don't let that happen to you as you already know this woman cannot be trusted. Oh and another thing that has helped me is that my boyfriend acknowledges his mom is off and was wrong. He knows she is unfair, has admitted that she is difficult and jealous with her children to the point she loses all rationality. But also to the point that it is no longer healthy. I think it is important for your relationship to make sure your girlfriend understands her moms shortcomings and has your side in issues where her mother is being unfair. That will make you feel better about all this drama.
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male
reader, deaf4eva +, writes (29 March 2013):
deaf4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasicaly my gf is 25 we were moving in together in feb her mom was to move and go back to her husband. my gf, step dad and me and her were to rent that house as a couple..of course then we argued (as couples do from time to time)Her mother shown no signs of moving now as pointed out by others she is a childish /demanding /narsisitic woman who only measures her childrens worth though accomplishments and money . Me and her have talked about moving out many a time but i feel her mother is only offering us that house because she has greater control and when she leaves her husband again for the 5th time she will have somewhere to go which when i look at it that means if she did come back ...its by bye me .My girlfriend has said it herself her mother is childish and demanding case example these are true down to the T1.I won't walk your dogs but you feed mine and wash them.2.(in work)ring ring ..gf:"hello"...Mother:go down and get me electric now ..Gf:im in work atm why cant you go and get it? the shops at the end of the road? ...mother: i just got out the bath you should be looking after me get it on the way home.3.Gf: im off out..mother: no i got jobs for you.. gf: i said i was going out today my bf has booked us for dinner.. Mother:well you can do that another time its not important you never do anythin for me.the list goes on from things like this.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 OP, you don't get the point , but it is actually easy to get.
You Gf has moved on because she is in love with you and therefore more inclined to forgive and forget.
Her mother is not in love with you, has no romantic or sexual feelings for you, so has neither the natural inclination NOR THE OBLIGATION to forgive some guy ( for her, you are some guy ) that insulted and verbally abused a member of her family , and after could not even be arsed telling her " Sorry, my bad, I got carried away in the heat of the moment, it won't happen again ".
In other words, you think telling your gf " F..k you bitch " is nothing serious , your Gf may have decided it 's nothing serious - her mom does not HAVE to see it this way, and if your gf is so love blinded that did not want formal apologies, well his mom is not.
Of course she can't prevent you from seeing her daughter, but she can prevent you from seeing her daughter , whom you have insulted , in her own house, where she is free to admit only people who matches her standard of civility and manners. Which would include saying "I am sorry for calling your daughter a bitch ".
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 March 2013):
Sorry but I side with the mom. The dynamics between you and your Gf may be only your business, but who is a welcome guest in this woman's house or not is very much HER business and she is free to adopt any criteria for admission she wants.
I find reasonable that one of the criteria would be ,no people who call my daughter names or " says things he should not have ". Obviously your Gf got over it- she is in love with you ! , but the mom is not in love with you and can expect and demand to have under her roof ONLY people who respect , also formally, her family members- unless at least they apologize , and in a convincing way.
As for the fact that the daughter may be too old to still live at home, it's possible- so have her move out, problem solved. But , as long as she lives there, and you want or need to go visit her there, you abide by the house rules, one of which, apparently, and not unreasonably, is " count to ten and watch your mouth when you have an argument with my daughter ".
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male
reader, deaf4eva +, writes (29 March 2013):
deaf4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thank you guys just for the record I'll tell you what I said to my girlfriend. We were planning to spend the day together and every time we made arrangements something would spoil the plan. In the space of a week we had the .cars break down (both of us) .Work Commitments .Family .College work The final day we couldn't see each other because she had to go to the shop where she is setting up her business but I found her playing games online (Before I sound like I am being selfish this argument was down to me more than anything I was being selfish because I really wanted to see her).I was online and went to say hello how’s it going but I remembered she was up the shop so I quickly thought I could be her sister using her laptop or it’s her mother as she keeps herself logged in (her mother is known to read her messages) so I called her I said to her jokingly " enjoying your game love lol" Then she starts getting smart with me and an argument erupted on both sides she said " your spying on me now like my ex " (he did some nasty shit to her big time I didn't know until we made up the extent what he did) so I replied " why tell my you’re at the shop your online playing games on the subject your acting like my ex I don’t like being made to feel I lied too" (my ex was a liar and a cheat and I caught her out not saying my current one is she is fantastic) all this escalated into the usual " f@%and you and Bitch your being a dick etc. So like I said in my original post we made up and put it to one side but understandably my gf said "leave my mom cool off she’s gunning for you at the moment" so I said ok no worries. So here we are Months later still the same (as posted in the original) My gf said "she wants you to apologise to her for the way you spoke to me " Which I don't agree on because my gf and I have moved on from it! Hence why I asked this question
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female
reader, Cheeky Madam +, writes (29 March 2013):
Been in this situation myself my bf's mother hated me since day one but always kept it quite. But last year she went mental as my bf moved out because my bf was depressed living with her. I am no longer welcome at her house but I see it as a bonus.( she is a narcissist) Hasn't you gf said something to her mother? Surely she is of an age where she can speak up and say that's not on?Overall my opinion would be enjoying the peace :)
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 March 2013):
Screw her, you don't bend over to people like that. Your girl needs to move out so you don't have to apologize to someone who doesn't deserve an apology. If she's your age she's overdue anyways.
While you're at it tell your girlfriend that if this is how her mom acts when your gf babbles about your relationship then she needs to stop talking about her relationship to her mom.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 March 2013):
 What did you say?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Personally, I think you let this one go. It sounds like your girlfriend's mother isn't the forgive and forget kind.
My question do you is how to intend to stand your ground? Do you mean that you are going to confront your girlfriend's mother and try to convince her? I don't think that will go over well and ultimately, it is HER house and SHE calls the rules. If she won't welcome you, there's not a lot to do about it. If you are belligerent about it, you will only make matters worse for yourself and with her. Also, if you refuse to follow her wishes, she could have your thrown out or even arrested.
My recommendation for you is to be the best boyfriend you can possibly be. Perhaps with some time and showing that you are caring and good husband material you may win your girlfriend's mother over, but by standing your ground, you are likely to only dig yourself deeper into a hole and eventually you will force your girlfriend to chose you over her parents -- and guess who she is going to pick....
Eddie
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): I don't get it, if the mother wasn't there how did she know what was said or that there even was an argument?And what exactly did you say to your girlfriend? Obviously if a mere apology to the mother will suffice it couldn't have been all that bad. If it had been totally heinous, nothing would be enough to get into her good graces, probably. And why does THE MOM want an apology? If you were mean to the girl, the mom should want an apology to her daughter, not herself, which kinda reaffirms what you're saying about her. So it sounds like the punishment doesn't fit the crime. And you are apprehensive because even though the sister's boyfriend apologized for his situation, she deep down admits she is completely two faced. Well, I think you should offer her kindness. Nothing annoys your enemies more than being nice to them and not letting them get under your skin. Play coy and offer her an apology (you already know is ridiculous and she is not going to accept) just to show your girlfriend that you're the bigger person. And it makes you look better than if you stubbornly refused. And then don't go back there again unless you are just stopping by to pick up your girlfriend. And spend holidays and the like with your family and have your girlfriend always join you. That will let the mom know that your apology was not to beg to get back in her good graces or in her home. If you apologize and then make yourself scarce that will get under HER skin. She sounds like she just likes to control people. That will show that you sniffed her out, you bit the bullet and YOU'RE in control.
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A
female
reader, Anashia +, writes (29 March 2013):
I think you should tell her how much her daughter means to you and tell her how you would do most anything for her and if you want you can give ur gf and her mother some pretty flowers just to lighten up her mood. Tell her mom that if you two ever fight again that it is only because you both have things to sort out. The only things I can think of then also tell her that her daughter is the best thing that ever happened to you. If that's true. That's my best advice you're welcome :)
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