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age
51-59,
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writes: My boyfriend of almost a year is going to visit his relatives in a week by himself. In the time we have been together, he has only been to see them once, and he and I went together for a holiday. I normally would not think anything of this, but his high school sweetheart lives in a city close by, he cheated on his ex-gf twice with this girl, and then they dated again after he broke up with that girl. He said he cheated because he was younger and stupid. But he also said he cheated to keep that contact with her because it was not the right time for them both and they always thought there would be a chance for them in the future. He told me that she won't even talk to him now, and that seemed to upset him when he told me about it. He told me that they wanted entirely 2 diff. things in life and he found out she was not the person he thought she was. He said they tried it out as adults and it just didn't work. He told me that if she ever tried to contact him that he would tell me about it and put her in her place that he didn't want contact. Then why am I uneasy? I think he had deep feelings for her. In the beginning of our relationship, when he said she wouldn't even talk to him anymore, he was almost in tears. Also, we had our first huge fight about 2 weeks ago, and that is when he brought up visiting his relatives. At first, he said he was going to clear his head, but we have since made up and he says that he just needs to visit them more. He was always close to them. They live about 4 hours away. I am okay with the fact that he may need to spend some time away from me, but worry if he will see this ex gf. When he first mentioned seeing his relatives, I asked him if there was someone else, and he said no and he was very offended that I asked. Other than this big fight, we have a great relationship. Should I question him about this ex, but in a casual way? for eg., ask him if he will see her while he is away. After all, this doesn't say he's cheating. He may have intentions just to talk to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCaringGuy, Do you think there's anything wrong with my boyfriend getting away for the weekend? I guess that I don't, but it does bother me that he brought up visiting relatives when we were in the middle of a fight. First it was to clear his mind, and now it's not to clear his mind; he just wants to visit.
I wish I could just ask him if he plans on talking to her without hurting our relationship. Shouldn't one be able to feel comfy asking anything in a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought about asking to come along, but we do need a weekend apart I think. I don't want him to feel like he or his family has to entertain me. I think he really wants time to himself, and there are things he will be doing that I'm sure he won't want me tagging along. I do believe he will be seeing relatives, and that is fine if that's all he does.
Caring Guy, I think you are right. I have no choice but to trust him at this point. It is difficult because of his past with this woman. I could ask him when he comes back who all he visited with, but the truth is, if he wants to see his ex, knowing how I feel about it, he may not tell me anyway.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Can't you just go along with him? Tell him you could use a break from work and going together might be good for both of you. It'll be like a mini-vacation. He doesn't have to know it's because you're wondering about the ex. If he lets you go, problem solved. No need to mention your other concerns. If he says no way, then wait a day and tell him that you'd like to make a request: That he not look up the ex for old times sake. He may get offended, but at least he'll know that you would be upset ahead of time. If you ask him, he may just lie anyhow and you'll have a false sense of relief. Hopefully he'll be open to the idea of you coming along. It'll be a great chance to know his family better. Afterall he's only taken you there one time.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 January 2010):
He has said clearly she won't speak to him, and he seems adamant that he won't speak to her. All you can don is trust him. If you continue to question him about her, he'll close off even more. You can only trust him.
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