A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am very interested in asking out a woman with whom I have developed a nice freindship, including some flirting. The difficulty is that she recently filed for divorce. Some people say I should wait until it is final...others say go for it. I would like to hear peoples' recommendations on how to handle this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): I would wait.I would not even want to be the first boyfriend after the divorce either.Let someone else be the rebound guy. After she is done rebounding then ask her out.She needs time to heal first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2018): It's best to wait until the divorce is final, and the ink is dry. People often have angry flare-ups, spurts of jealousy, and pangs of regret. Things comeback to haunt the memory, and suppressed anger or trauma can be triggered; if she hasn't actually fully detached from him, or her former-marriage. Make sure there are no lingering-feelings, or loose-ends she's hiding from you.
Don't be a standby or human band-aid. You want to start from a clean slate. Let it be about you; not about him, or her past. Is there a reason to rush?
There is an adjustment-period, i.e. the sudden realization it is final; and an ongoing emotional-detachment process that isn't always conscious, or visible to the naked-eye. You want to be sure you're not a rebound-romance; or being used to spite her ex. You need to eliminate all probabilities or negatives that might get in your way.
Wait!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (3 December 2018):
I don’t think it matters so much whether the divorce is finalised or not. When it all goes through, things haven’t magically changed overnight. The couple have already been separated a long time when the final parts of the process are done. They have either moved on with their lives or they haven’t.
What matters in this situation is her emotional state. Is she over him? Is she ready to move on? Does she feel it’s too soon? Or are there warning signs that she’s not over it? Are there kids involved that keep them in some way forever linked and how do you feel about that?
A lot of this will depend on her feelings for her husband, the circumstances of the breakup and how far down the grief and readjustment process she is. So I would say that you should ask her out if you want to, as we shouldn’t make assumptions. But proceed with caution and take things very slowly. Be prepared for the fact that she might not be ready, or you might discover that you’re not ready for where her head is at and what’s going on in her life.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 December 2018):
 Wait for the divorce and then give it some more time. Don't jump into anything immediately and in a hurry.
You have no idea about her emotional state of mind, you have no idea who's going though what, how things will change after the divorce and how well or badly things get sorted out between the man and his wife.
What do you even know about this woman? Why are they getting a divorce?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 December 2018):
 Don’t go for it yet. Divorces are usually very messy and can be quite drawn out, so wait until it’s finalised and add six months on to that waiting time. If you do it any sooner, you are asking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (3 December 2018):
 Keep well away, you don't want to end up being involved in somebody elses divorce or you could really land yourself in a mess.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 December 2018):
 Nope, wait until it's final and maybe then some.
JUST because there is a filing for a divorce doesn't mean she is ACTUALLY over the soon-to-be ex husband.
You are jumping the gun here.
You will either end up as some sad rebound or involved in some drama you really don't want.
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