A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right, this is my "dilemma"I basically met a girl about 5 weeks ago at a party. From day one we've got on unbelievably well, to the point where we've never felt uncomfortable with eachother in anyway at all. We've been seeing eachother 3 or 4 times a week since then, and we can hold conversations for hours, we have the same sense of humour and just never feel awkward around eachother.Ive not actually slept with her yet, because everytime we've come close she sorta backs off. She said that "Everytime ive slept with a guy, they get bored of me soon after and i dont want that to happen with us.."After 4 weeks we decided to make "us official" and give a relationship a go. However, i found out by one of my mates that she slept with another guy about 3 weeks ago when she was drunk. I dont know whether this is 100% true, but i feel i should ask her because if it is i get a feeling she could just be leading me on, or am i just being paranoid?I think im slowly starting to develop feelings for her, so im at a point where i dont wanna get myself in too deep to only be let down later on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight, heres an update...I've took on board what you've both said, and to be honest i've realised its not distrust that i've got with her. Its distrust of the rumours i'm hearing..If she slept with the guy, fair enough, at the end of the day we werent together at the time. But, its hearsay, and it could be a load of crap.I think i just want my mind putting at rest on whether it was true or not, instead of guessing.. If its true it wont change anything about us, but if it isnt, I think ill be having words with the people spreading the shit. Do you think it would be a good idea to explain to her what i've heard, and just want to know whether its true or not, but make it clear that it'll change none of my feelings for her, I just want to know if what people are saying is true rather than have stupid suspicions?
A
female
reader, Ravenxx91 +, writes (27 July 2009):
 first of all its hearsay. you cant rely on it even if its a best friend who tells you. Look her in the eyes and ask her. but if you met 5 weeks ago and after 4 weeks made it offical you technically weren't together 3 weeks ago anyway tbh?
so even if its true tbh it was her part of her life and should be nothing to do with the relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): Ask her, but be prepared for any type of answer. First, if your friend is only telling you things from the rumor-mill, be prepared for her to get defensive and to be slightly offended.
If your friend is repeating valid truths, then yes, you have a right to know but how will that change things between the two of you now? You said that you have recently become serious and that things between the two of you seem wonderful! If what you are concerned about is that she may get drunk and do something like that again then explain your fears to her and see how she offers reassurance. Do not let your paranoias destroy a potentially beautiful relationship. My boyfriend of a year and a half has done that from day one and I have been the most miserable woman on the face of the planet when the reality is that our relationship is one people SHOULD be jealous of - a relationship that sounds like yours is starting to be; don't let your fears get in the way of that. The only way to true love is through risks and trust of the other person with your heart.
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